Any long term / lifelong singles here? How do you handle situations?

[NameAU1]

When people ask, specially if they ask many times / every time you see them, why you are single?

When people around you just keep talking about dating and relationships?

Always doing and going to everything alone? I know I shouldn’t, but feel shame about this?

When people bully or leave you out of things?

When you celebrate all their milestones, but nothing for you?

Do you feel akward for always being the single one? I swear I can hear everyone’s judgment now, and don’t really want to go to things anymore?

How do you slipt expences? Often people want to go ’even’ but that often leaves me paying more, and I get worse quality (couples get a room, I get a sofa).

When people mock you? I had an older aunt, who bless her, thinks I will have a husband one day, but my cousins starterd laughing. I got so embarressed, I don’t know what to do.

Just tired of being treated like a second class citizen.

Sounds like the issue isn’t you being single, but rather that you have some pretty horrible people around you.

Definitely distance yourself from those who make fun of you or make you feel small. Alternatively, call them out on it. ‘I’m happy to come but I’m not sleeping on the sofa this time guys, guess we better look for a bigger place!’ And push for splitting per person rather than per couple. Don’t allow them to treat you like shit!

I was single for years and never had any of that because my friends aren't arseholes. It's not because your single, it's the people you spend time with that are the problem

I simply don’t sleep anywhere where I know I’ll be the one on the sofa. I put up with that for far too long.

As for asking why I’m single, I normally tell them honestly that I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Just remember, all your disposable income is yours, and you can go to midnight cinema showings without worrying about waking someone else up!

I'm single and no one treats me like that. I'm sure couple-y stuff happens that I'm not invited to, but that's fine. I wouldn't go to things if i thought I'd feel left out. I've got several single friends and do social stuff with them.

I agree that you need new friends. And stick up for yourself more.

YANBU

It's absolutely tight as a camel's arsehole to expect to be counted as a single 'unit' when you're a couple, rather than 2 individuals, when there are also singles involved.

I've know couples try to argue with singles that they should only pay 1 share of a taxi ride, or worse, should only pay 1 share of a holiday home rental - it was a 6-bed place and there were only 2 couples and 2 singles so everyone could have a room each if they wanted! - and loads of other stuff like that.

DH and I would never act like that with our single friends, but we've certainly seen it.

Your friends sound shocking, I have quite a few single friends, I have never, ever asked them why they are single.
Equally I don't ask married friends why they are married (especially if it's to a misogynistic git - perhaps I should).
Suggest you find new friends.

Yeah - that sofa business. If staying as a guest I don't mind so much but if paying for the accommodation I have a 'rule'.

I either pay my share as a person and get the small room/sofa etc. So, for example when going away with two other couples I will pay 1/5.

Or I pay as a party and get the same same access to big double rooms as everyone else - eg with draw lots for the rooms. Then I pay 1/3.

What I won't do is pay the same as a couple and get a single shit room by default. Normally I give the couples the option of which method they want to go by. Sometimes I get a cheaper holiday, sometimes I get a lovely double room to myself.

For everything else, usually gently pointing out I've never seen a marriage I fancied being part of - then leave them to work out if that includes theirs . That or a joke about how I am already sleeping with too many married men to add my own husband to that list (not true, but still...).

Never had that question really. Perhaps 'Why would you ask this question?' is one to consider as a comeback?

And absolutely distance yourself from anyone who treats you like a second class citizen.

The issue is not that your single.
The issue is that your friends are arseholes.
No one who was your friend would set out to make you feel shit or bully you or leave you out of things because of your relationship status.
They are small minded, scared people who you don't need around you.
That's point one and before I even get onto the benefits of being single (of which there are plenty) because that's almost a secondary point.

First things first, get proper friends.

I was in one social group who relentlessly asked me and I stopped mixing with them. Only horrible people do that.

No one has ever suggested that costs be split any way other than "per person".

I don't think I've ever been to an anniversary do except my own parents so celebrating couple milestones hadn't been an issue for me.

it sounds like you've got a lot of family though? Lucky for me, I don't.

May I ask how old you are OP? There was the odd friend who wanted me to date for some reason - but that pretty much stopped at 40 - an occasion I marked by going on holiday with my single bestie. I think there was something about hitting that age and being happy that made people accept I was happier as a singleton.

anyone who is looking at your social standing this way - well, is that a person you want in your life?

I agree with the posts above.

You are surrounded by some disrespectful and horrible people.

@NameAU1

How do you slipt expences? Often people want to go ’even’ but that often leaves me paying more, and I get worse quality (couples get a room, I get a sofa).

When people mock you? I had an older aunt, who bless her, thinks I will have a husband one day, but my cousins starterd laughing. I got so embarressed, I don’t know what to do.

That's just mean. Those people are no better than you (quite the reverse). Stand up for yourself and make them justify there attitude towards you, if they can.

I like the word "Why?" at the beginning of any question to people like this. "Why are you laughing - I don't get the joke"; "Why are you proposing this split. I think X way is more accurate so that's what I'm paying"; "Why if I'm 'less than' would I give you a lift in my car?"

And definitely don't let them downgrade you in any way, split expenses, quality of accommodation, anything. Rude. 🌹

Most people settle for anything just for the sake of having something. I do not.

That's what usually shuts people up.

My sister loves throwing in my face that I've always been single - she's a penniless single parent following her divorce and I'm a career woman who spends thousands on holidays and clothes.

It's just jealousy.

Honestly, this is just how I remember this always being like.
It’s crazy reading these comments, I’ve never thought about this as them being in the wrong.
Like seriously, from very young age (as in literal children) I remember girls and two of them were my friend, saying I’ll never have a boyfriend because I’m fat.
Even my mom made a comment how I’ll never be married…
And that’s the way it has gone all the way to current times.
Not the comments about my looks per se, but other comments and questions.

Same with the paying stuff, that’s always been the thing.

I’m the only one I know who’s always single, of course other’s have been single here and there and usually people just surround them with comfort, and they don’t stay that way for long.

It’s the two of my cousing who always do the snickering laugh thing when their mom (my aunt) asks about dating or still today use the phare ”when you’ll get married”.

I also find that meeting new people (doesn’t happen that often, I’m a big homebody) they usually want to know about family stuff/relationship things, but I guess those are standard, getting to know a person tuoe of questions. But I still get so akward about them.

Someone asked my age, I’m in my late 30’s.

Thank you by the way, for the comments.
It made me see things differently.
And made me think.

One time whe

Your friends and cousins are dicks.

How much of this experience is gendered? By that I don't mean happens to all women, just a lot more likely. I've never experienced any of what's been described by the OP or others responding. Single 5 years, if you excuse one off a short periods of a few dates.

Agree with others, you're on the receiving end of awful treatment. Regardless of why, there's nothing wrong with being single. Embrace it and make the most of it any way you can

I don't think I'd want to be in a relationship with any of these "happy" partnered people treating you this way 🤔 Count yourself lucky you're not, I reckon