I feel at breaking point with my baby

[desper]

he won’t sleep in the day. I am a lone parent pretty much (dad sees him once a month, please don’t ask, it’s a horrible situation). I can’t get anything done except in the evenings so I have zero time for myself and even the evenings are not enough to get through everything. I hate this, I don’t want it, my house is a state, I never have chance to eat. I hate life so much.

I'm so sorry. I'm a lone parent and I found the early years really tough.

It's absolutely does get easier but that doesn't help right now.

I had to learn not to sweat the small stuff like the house not being tidy.

How old is your DC? You getting out much in the day?

OP, that sounds like an awful situation. Hugs to you. How old is baby? It's a bit of a long-shot but are there are friends or family members that can help you? Even if a friend popped in to give you a couple of hours. I know it's cliche but babies go through so many stages, you will find your way out of the woods.

Try to get out for a walk to escape the chaos at home. Try not to hold yourself to a high standard on household chores. Do what needs doing and nothing more. The mess is temporary and your sanity is far more important.

You're incredibly strong for doing this all on your own. Don't forget that!

I'm sorry OP, having a young baby can be really tough, and I am sure you are not alone in feeling/having felt this way (even though it might seem like it).
Firstly, well done for writing and down and trying to get some advice/help, because admitting how hard it actually is can be half the battle with tackling it!
Do you have any family/friends who can offer some support/help - take your baby out for a bit while you get a chance to catch up on sleep/do a few chores (or even better help with chores)? If not, might something like this help https://www.home-start.org.uk/ - they have volunteers who want to help young families who are struggling, and many will have been there themselves so there's absolutely no judgement! Try not to worry too much about housework, even as someone who had a partner I seriously limited my priorities when my child was really small - I made lists and decided what really needed to be done (for example I kept on top of laundry as a priority but dusting and hoovering happened less!). As PP said, it doesn't last forever, but it doesn't always feel like that when you are in the middle of it! In terms of eating, feeling stressed might be making you not want to eat, but you do need to keep up your strength - keep it as simple as possible, eggs and oatcakes (not together) were two of my go to snacks, as well as cherry tomatoes, handfuls of nuts, bananas, and cheese (cheese might not be the healthiest lol but I enjoyed it and that helped!). Good luck!

How old is baby OP? Set your bar for housework etc really looooowww. It used to really stress me out as I was ocd aswell but just had to let it go for the sake of my sanity in the early years. Also don't try to do everything at once, maybe when baby is asleep set yourself 15 mins aside and tackle one room and one room only I.e. hoover/ tidy just one room.then alternate like that throughout the month and it'll get easier to stay on top off. Also maybe then set aside another 15 min and quickly prep something tmrw for ur lunch/ dinner. But don't overdo it on housework, your sanity is worth more.

Some days just let it all slide as honestly you and baby are more important and this stage WILL pass.

Also get yourself to some playgroups local churches have loads and it's a great way to meet other mums and form some kind of network.

He’s almost one. I hate it.

Oh OP I feel for you. It feels like this will never end but I promise you it does get better. How are your finances? Could you get a cleaner in or potentially put the baby in nursery just one day a week so you have time to yourself and time to get things in order?

If finances don’t allow have you got a friend or family member that would pop over and hold the baby while you get some chores done and potentially get to claw back some time for yourself of an evening. I know I’d do it for a friend.

It’s not the same situation I know but when my eldest was a baby DP had to work abroad for a significant amount of time and I remember how heavy I felt constantly, the weight of everything pushing down on me.

Lone parent here, just out of the toddler years, please don’t let Instagram perfect houses mess with your head, the house being tidy, washing put away, all that stuff doesn’t trump sleep and chill out time, prioritise your needs once baby is sorted and if you need to sit on the sofa eating a takeaway instead of making your home picture perfect, do it, I did and not only was life easier but I can tell you for a fact it doesn’t matter at all, I don’t feel any guilt looking back, and it made life easier, I would nap when baby napped and screw everything else, I needed to sleep so that’s what I did, and the thing is, you’re on your own so whose going to know, and if someone pops by, they can’t come in if they’re going to judge you, simple, say you have the health visitor round or something, but please make sure you attend to your needs whatever they are, I know how hard it is, but you can do it!!

mine was like this, I spent a lot of time lugging him around in slings or making him "help" me with housework which usually caused as much mess as it sorted, but at least I could get some laundry & dishes done while he pulled clothes out of the basket or played with a tub of water on the floor. Could you keep a basket of really interesting toys that only come out when he's sat in the high chair and you're cooking? Also all my big ideas of no screen time before age 2 went right out the window 🤣

What are all these jobs you feel you need to get through in the evenings? There is a saying “everyone fed, nobody dead” that basically means don’t sweat the small stuff. The main job you need to get done right now is one to one time with your baby.
The other thing to do is try to make jobs into games with your little one. Let them play with the clothes as you fold them. Put them in their high chair with play dough while you clear the kitchen etc
It will get easier as they get older, are you still on maternity leave?

Me too! I'm lucky though as I have lots of help from parents. Please can you reach out to friends - did you have a baby shower? Can you write to that WhatsApp group or create a similar one of your best friends and call it 'op needs help' and then ask if anyone has free time to help you to please get in touch and then you won't feel you're putting Any one person under pressure? I feel like there are so many offers to help at the start but these dry up.

Have you got a sling? Please put baby in the sling or a chair or playpen and do your stuff for yourself in the daytime eg washing up laundry etc let baby see it all don't leave it till the evenings or you have no me time.

Any spare cash use to buy convenience (deliveries, a cleaner etc)

Also please go to children's centers and try to find a mum friend that you can do a bit of child care swaps for each other

But if you never do a deep clean or vacuum or life admin or exercise then everything falls to pot

@Unexpectedlysinglemum I’ve never done a deep clean in my life, I would hoover round my baby and there are what, three hours in the evening to do the essential admin. As for exercise, this was one time I didn’t feel the need, too busy pushing a pram and then running round the park after a toddler. I’m not unsympathetic, I just think people put too much pressure on themselves to do it all. The house does not need to sparkle.

Also OP I think you may need to speak to your GP re how your feeling or health visitor, just check in with someone and let them know how your feeling and they can keep and eye on you re PND. Because it starts like this and sometimes we don't even know we're in the midst of it already. Honest advice get yourself , whatever state your in to a church playgroup type place where they serve a cup of tea and you can sit for 2 min talking to another mum who will no doubt be in the same boat. Dotn bother booking those termly sessions ones just yet as they may just add more stress re having to stick to a set class.

I found it easier to be out of the house with play groups, walks, coffee shops, lunch with family. I would also stick on baby sensory YouTube videos if I needed 10 minutes to do something and put baby in a secure safe seat. As for the house, try a baby sling to do washing up and clothes but I wouldn’t sweat the small stuff like keeping the house tidy. It gets easier, you have got this! X

You are doing a fine job. Parenting a baby is HARD. You now need to find your single parent tribe. My children are grown up and they are still my best friends. We took turns to give one another a break, and built one another up when the government of the day were determined to demonise single parents. We met at a baby group and bonded over visits to the park or soft play. Today we enjoy a laugh and a drink, and still help one another navigate the trials of life.

Nursery and back to work OP. This isn't living.

At almost 1 you should be getting some blocks of sleep.
Have you tried CIO or sleep training?

Are you doing playgroups in the day?
I found getting out of the house waaaaay easier at that age.

Do you have a playpen? I found this really helpful for when I need to get things done.

I posted earlier, I'm a lone parent and I co-slept which helped as mine was a crap sleeper and I was working full time so needed the sleep.

How you feeling about nursery and working OP? Full time SAHM isn't for everyone I went back when mine was 4 months because I basically had to and I was glad I did.

Is that an option?

I’ve got a non-napper too. And cluster feeds from 6-11pm. No grandparents. I’m losing my mind. So behind on everything

As said, low level house work for a while. Either use wipes to clean kitchen surfaces or get cheap disinfectant, dilute in a spray bottle. Use that to keep the kitchen surfaces/hob/sink and bathroom clean.

Can you get groceries delivered? Easy meal options for your dinner like salad or vegetables with a protein of choice (frozen veg and fruit are good options) omelettes, tinned soup with toast. Just until you manage to wrangle some time to do meals that you prefer.

Everything @Sehenswürdigkeiten said. It really can be just so terribly difficult and lonely. What does you day look like? Are you and baby able to get out at all?