I’m so angry with everything and everyone?

[Wintervibez3]

This whole year feels like I’ve been thrown hurdle after hurdle, as soon as something starts to go okay for me it all declines rapidly. For example I paid for £1,800 for a crash course plus I’ve paid for hours and hours of lessons and I literally can not drive. I find my self when I do drive disassociating it’s like my eyes just stay locked on one thing and then my mind just constantly is so loud. People around me seem to be getting annoyed at me as I have had 2 cars and endless lessons and still can not drive. I’m trying to explain I’m finding it hard to learn, on paper ect exams I’m really good at learning it’s just when it turns into practical things I get nervous I dissociate and I start to panic. Besides this I’ve realised I have no friends and I’m not being dramatic I have literally no body I can speak too.

I have one friend from childhood but I was always me going to her she never ever comes to see me she never ever messaged me first. But expects me to just jump and come to her whenever she is bored. My partner when I try to talk to him about how I am feeling he always manages to turn it into an argument.

my head at the moment is the worse part, there’s just constant thoughts running through my mind negative thoughts. I find my self now going for walks in nature and just sitting in the woods on my own for hours because that’s the only place I feel any peace. I feel so much anger towards everyone in my life as soon as I try to ever open up about how I’m feeling, people just disregard what I’m saying and take it that I’m having a bad day?

I’ve found my self just snapping so quick now if someone says the wrong thing to me because for some reason I’m building up at lot of resentment to the people around me. Part of the reason being because I am so unhappy and no body can see that, I may come across strong but I am not I can feel my self deteriorating rapidly. I just want to scream like I’ve never screamed before and not stop or just sleep for ever. I havent been looking after my self either I’ve been hardly eating hardly drinking anything some days I just can’t even be bothered to get out of bed but I have no choice. I am so drained and tired all the time, usually I’m really clean and tidy but for the past week I’ve done next to nothing not even folded the laundry and put it away it’s just sat clean but not put away or folded.

has anyone been through similar& what did you do to help you? I feel like a failure at the moment and that I have no one I have spoken to the doctors as I was originally on medication (sertraline 150mg) but that was not helping me at all so I have been changed to (citalopram 20mg) and to be honest I really do not think this medication is helping me.

Are you peri menopause age ? Any chance you have ADHD or ASD ?

Sounds like you have depression and need to visit the drs

Are you trying to learn manual? I did initially but gave up after many lessons and switched to automatic. Passed first time. I was never going to buy a manual car anyway so what would the point be?

You can self refer to talking therapies that should help with your negative thinking patterns.

How long have you been on the citalopram? The GP could look to optimise the dose. Is there a reason that they swapped from setraline rather than increased it to 200 first?
There are other medications so do go back to the GP to discuss these.

Yeah it’s manual I’m trying to learn, it’s not the gears ect I struggle with as I’ve tried automatic aswell I can’t get the gist of that either, it’s observations and remembering to look out for road users/ pedestrians. On my driving test the sat nav said to turn right in a few yards but I tried turning right straight away into a border. My test got terminated straight away as I am a danger on the road. I think it’s the multi tasking I’m struggling with more than anything, I’ve gone out of junctions without even looking for cars coming on the opposite side of the road it’s like my brain just forgets everything. This causes my instructors to get mad with me which then causes me to panic even more.

I’m 25 I’m not too sure if I do have anything but I have suspected adhd for a long time. I’ve always found it hard to learn how to practical things even when I was working in a bar pouring a simple pint Orr making a drink becomes a bigger task for me than it needs to be as I’m over thinking it I guess

The sertraline was making me very nasty I was taking my mood out on partner just being a major bitch on It and making me feel very suicidal so around 3 months I’ve been on citalopram it did feel like it was working at first but now not so much. I’ve got a leaflet here for talking therapy so I’m going to give them a call and get my self placed on the waiting list. I have had a lot of trauma in my past I never really thought it effected me but I still get flash backs of things that have happened to me so I think it’s time I need to address these things it could help me some how.

Thankyou I’m going to ask them if they can up my dose on my medication and get my self signed up to the waiting list. Part of what’s going on in my head I think I just need someone I can talk to.

Ask about CBT too

What is cbt? I’ll definitely give it an ask anything to help.

OP I can very much relate.
Especially with the driving. I’ve spent a similar amount to you on an intensive driving course, top up lessons, plus used all my savings on a car to practice in with my Dad.

I’ve failed 3 practical tests in the space of 6 months. It fills me with rage, frustration and despondency. I have another one coming up and I am struggling to sleep with the anxiety and fear of failure yet again.

I am a single mum (my DC lives with me all the time) and I have such overwhelming pressure to get driving as it is holding me back in every aspect of life and preventing my child from doing things too.

I don’t even feel depressed about it - it’s more like burning anger and frustration. I hate everyone and everything at the moment.

Nature and walking is also my escape.
You certainly aren’t alone in feeling this way.

https://www.get.gg/

If you are thinking about cbt there might be something on this website to help you while you wait.

Hi Wintervibez3, not going through the same things regarding driving, but I can relate to some of your other things. I did have PND after DS1 now 5, and I don't feel as lost as I did then, but I'm so fed up being so angry with everything and the smallest thing seems to make me cry at the moment too.

I don't know how to get out this ditch I currently feel like I'm stuck in. I think I'm going to go to the doctors and see what they say. I think if you are already on antidepressants then maybe you need your dose or treatment changed. Good luck, and well done on realising somethings not right.

I understand that you don't have problems with the gears but if you take them out of the equation, then there is less multitasking and you can focus on instructions more. Honestly we live in the age of electric cars (soon self driving cars too) and manuals will quickly go out of fashion. Learning to drive one now isn't worth it unless you are working in certain fields.

Also, it sounds like the anxiety is getting the better of you and your mind speeds ahead. Speak to your GP about getting something like propranolol for situational anxiety. This can also be bought from online pharmacies. Many people keep failing just because of the anxiety and when this is addressed, they pass.

I understand this completely about the driving. I said as much to my friend and I'm constantly flabbergasted about the amount of people who cannot find their own arsehole with a mirror or a map, but can successfully drive - how is that? He said it was pure motor skills and not intelligence . I now remember how I have never been good at catching, throwing and hitting balls. I think I might bad hand eye coordination .

I failed my test four times op so I understand. Keep bloody going at it. You're not a failure, loads of people pass on fluke first time but they are shit drivers anyway, it doesn't mean they are better than you. I also spiral into self hatred and anger when these things get on top of me and it's really hard to get out of, but try and be kind to yourself as cheesey as it sounds. You are struggling with some things but that's okay, you can get help, it's not going to stop you from succeeding in life or being happy, you've just got more barriers to overcome to get there.