To be raging that my dd is being so utterly failed?

[SocialistSally]

My dd is autistic, she was diagnosed age 6 (which is very rare with girls). She’s now 11 and been out of school since April, burned out from masking and the pressure of school.

Before that she was working well above expected levels. We are at the draft EHCP stage and have names provisions, but everything is full. Every autism unit, every specialist provision (state and independent) that could meet her needs and still provide the education she deserves.

I’m so angry for her. We’ve only got this far because she is out of education. She shouldn’t have had to wait for her to be in crisis. I’ve been fighting for her since she started school and I’m exhausted. I’ve been ill with the stress of it (in hospital).

She has been utterly failed by the system and she’s only 11 and deserves so much more. And I no longer know what to do to help her.

@Pandora55 if DD wanted to do GCSE Art and can engage with online provision have a look at OCAD (Online College of Art and Design). Among other courses they offer online IGCSE Art. Technology Triumphs also offer some online creative courses. They can be funded via the EHCP.

The local secondary with hub didnt sound very flexible to me.
Kids needed ehcp and diagnosis to get in. Then there were no uniform adjustments. The kids were in a tutor group with some sen kids. But while main lessons like maths and eng were in the hub some other classes were not so they had to move round school. They were only in the hub till about y9. And only 10 students over all the year groups.
I was surprised abour their lack of understanding of sen students.

My dd has gone to a bigger school but the buildings are apart so less corridor stress. (Though shes now stressed about seagulls pooping on kids)
The uniform has no tie etc.

Our main issue is the music lessons.

Thanks for this x

I know two little girls in the same boat. The transition to high school is a known trigger for many autistic girls, who through dint of being female mask successfully for longer than many boys but that can't last forever

I can see it's very frustrating but if every single state and independent unit is full what do you propose they do?

How about society not treating the most vulnerable people so shabbily ?
How about we find politicians who are prepared to have a long hard look at where money from taxes is spent ?
How about Governments fund local authorities with enough money to provide enough appropriate places for children that just can't cope in mainstream schools ?

The OP's dd isn't some one off situation. There are hundreds upon hundreds of dc in my LA alone who do not have an appropriate school place provided for them. It isn't something that has come out of the blue this month or this year or even this decade. It is known about and brushed under the carpet rather than any sort of workable solution being offered up.

OP, I was where you are 18 months ago.

I know it probably means little to hear it, but take solace that your dd is bright. She will pick up academically, and she will be feeling safe and loved with you right now.

Do you know if the schools you've named on the draft ehcp are full entirely, or just for her age? The school my dd attends have a couple of kids in classes outside of their age group, if academically appropriate.
Don't overlook IB schools. They have been able to accommodate my dd where others wouldn't let her come to visit.

Also, just in case it's helpful, we got our preferred school named in the final ehcp by paying for a solicitors letter to send to the judge. At that point I had no more fight left in me. I had been battling with the system since she was 5, and my dd was completely broken by 11. It was the best £500 I've spent.

It does help to hear success stories. I don’t think the whole school/unit is full, but full for her year. So that is worth exploring.

I don’t think she would board anywhere, she has quite significant separation anxiety from me, which is probably linked to the trauma from school.

She watched the Chris Packham documentary with me and she’s love to go to the Girls autistic school on Sussex (or Surrey?), but sadly we are in Yorkshire.

Tomorrow is another week and another round of me ringing and emailing people!

It's an absolute disgrace, schools discriminate against pupils with these issues and only add to the problems.
My advice would be to draw a line under school, it's not the right environment for your daughter, my son had self taught himself since she 13, he is more than capable, all of the information is free online and of a much better standard.
Once my son was deregistered from school, things really improved.

Being full isn't a legal reason to refuse a place you must appeal.

My dd has thrived in a unit op.

The Chris Packham documentary should be mandatory viewing imo!

I've had a look and sadly there don't seem to be any international schools in Yorkshire, which is surprising.

@BlackcatsAndPumpkins it doesn't sound like de-registering would work for OP as home schooling wouldnt suit her childs needs.
People kept recommending this to me, but I work full time, and my dd has traits of PDA. She would have learnt nothing from me, and I wouldn't have been able to afford the mortgage. OP is in the same position.

I think my dad would be overwhelmed by trying to teach herself. She doesn't have diagnosis fo PDA, but she is demand avoidant. Home schooling was an absolute disaster during lockdown. She hated it, I hated it, we nearly killed each other! And this wasn't trying to do school work, this was me trying to be led by her doing stuff like making paper mache volcano etc.

I've tried to do bits of home ed, in the last few months, but she wants my full and undivided attention while doing it. I can't just set her up and get on with work.

Sorry @SocialistSally I didn't mean to suggest your dd had PDA, just that you're in same boat with working and needing to pay for your home.