To feel completely unsupported and like there is no point trying.

[Igiveup97]

I’m a lone parent, in my mid 20s. I have a 4 year old DD. I have no friends, I just speak to a few mums during the school run. I moved town when I had my DD lost contact with my old friends when I had her.

I only really have my family but they are not really offering me any support at the moment. I’m trying my absolute hardest to find a job at the moment but I can’t win. My dad always digs at me when I round at my parents, mutters under his breath snarky comments and it’s really chipping away at me. He thinks I’m not trying. I told him I’m going to a job fayre next week and applying for various jobs. I’ve really struggled with my mental health for years, I have anxiety and depression, low confidence and self esteem issues. I really am trying to push through these obstacles. My dads reply was ‘applying for jobs and going to job fayres isn’t the same as actually having a job though is it’. This isn’t the first time he’s said things like this. He has always been like towards me though, nothing is good enough and he treats me like a child to be honest. He never thinks about how I might feel or offers any support or guidance or positive thoughts, it’s always negative digs and it just makes my self esteem every lower. My mum is no better really. She also speaks to me like dirt sometimes and she turns a blind eye to what my dad can be like towards me. I just can’t cope, I feel like I have nobody.

Just wanted to post as I have absolutely no one to speak to about this in person and I just needed to write it somewhere. Thank you if you have read this.

Sounds like you need to go LC with your parents for your own mental health if you can.

It’s tough to juggle parenting alone and work but can be done. Did you work before having your DC? Can you do some volunteer work to get more experience?

Really sorry. No wonder you’re feeling so off it with not just a lack of support but active negativity and hostility from your parents. Your dad sounds pretty toxic and his arguments are crap and nonsensical. It sounds like he drags you down when you’re trying to get yourself up. Hopefully that is accidental on his part and not intended…

He can’t be very happy either if he talks to you like that but it’s no excuse. You’re not his emotional punchbag.

Obviously by going to a jobs fair you’re hoping to found out about possible employers and jobs. It’s a constructive thing to do so don’t be distracted by his nonsense, and keep looking for jobs that suit.

Given that your parents are not doing you much good, would moving back near your old friends be an option at all if you were back in touch with them? Are you living near your parents for help with childcare?

@Igiveup97 this sounds really hard. It’s difficult enough being a single parent, it’s also really tough being unemployed and job hunting. you need loads of encouragement and positive self-talk, not the relentless criticism and negativity you’re getting from your parents. Some people are just like this and it’s very draining to be around. You really need to hold on to the fact that their perspective isn’t the right one. Some of your mental health issues may have arisen from internalising all that negativity and feeling that you don’t measure up. The truth is YOU DO. You are raising a child and you are determinedly job hunting. You are doing amazingly well, you are trying really hard and you’ll get there.
Be careful of your thought life because it will also drag you down because you could end up repeating to yourself the negative messages you’ve heard relentlessly from your parents. When you find yourself thinking in a critical way about yourself , think about where you got that from.
it seems like it could be a good idea to distance yourself from your parents and find friends so that you’re not so emotionally reliant on your parents and so vulnerable to them. It’s really hard to make friends when you’re feeling drained from solo parenting and low from job hunting, but are there any meet ups for single parents in your area? I go to church and have found it’s helped me to try and be as open as I can with people, so I’m getting closer to them faster if that makes sense? In the past I’ve been quite reserved and closed off with people and I’m trying to change that, it only leads to isolation.
it would also be good if you could do something like CBT to replace some of the negative thinking you may have picked up.
just remember you are worth it, you are not a failure, you are doing well. Having a job isn’t the be all and end all. It’s about who you are inside (sounds cheesey but true). You will get a job but the most important thing is that you don’t take on your parents’ views on things. You don’t want to go through life with their negative critical standpoint, it will only drag you down.

Thank you everyone for your kind comments. They have helped as I am crippled with self doubt at the moment and only being dragged down further by my parents

another example today. My mum called me a ‘thick bitch’ she actually spit the words out at me. This was over the most trivial thing. And then an hour later when I tried to explain how I was feeling she said ‘why are you bringing yourself down and talking bad about yourself, you’re an intelligent woman’ how does that make sense?

It really doesn’t make sense. It’s very hard for you to live with this. being called a “thick bitch” is pretty shocking - it’s verbal abuse. If you’ve had that all your life, no wonder you are struggling. This is an article about the impact of verbal abuse: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/oct/02/shouting-at-children-can-be-as-damaging-as-physical-or-sexual-abuse-study-says
just try and spend time with people who speak positive words into your life, in so far as you can. You shouldn’t be treated like this, it’s really damaging.
can you zoom with your friends youve moved away from? That might lift your spirits.
all the best in finding a good job