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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ignore DH and let DS have WhatsApp?

24 replies

PipersDream · 28/09/2023 19:05

13 turning 14 soon. He doesn't have WhatsApp as he's never "needed" it before. However, now he has a friend who wants him to use it rather than sms. (DS has ASD and basically never had friends before).
I've no idea if there's a class chat or whatever as it's never been an issue before.

External clubs all have a WhatsApp group but I sort this for him through my phone, most children seem to be on the group as well as one or both parents.

DH is very anti WhatsApp, doesn't have it and doesn't see the need for the DC to have it either.

OP posts:
Pumpkinspicelattetime · 28/09/2023 19:07

Does your husband realise its just a messaging app? It's similar to texts but can have group chats. Has your husband articulated why he's OK with your son texting but not using WhatsApp?

RedSquirrelsRock · 28/09/2023 19:08

I would let ds have it if it helps him keep in touch with his friend. Why is dh anti WhatsApp ?

margotrose · 28/09/2023 19:09

What's the problem with WhatsApp? Confused

Original poster
PipersDream · 28/09/2023 19:09

Data/privacy protection.

OP posts:
septemberoctobernovember · 28/09/2023 19:09

I think it’s a bit weird to not let a nearly 14 year olds have WhatsApp. It’s just a messaging app.

JustAMinutePleass · 28/09/2023 19:09

I would be a bit suspicious that a new friend suddenly wants him to WhatsApp him rather than SMS. It’s often used by bullies as it’s easier to forward pics / messages to large groups of people rather than by MMS

Original poster
PipersDream · 28/09/2023 19:10

His new friend can't imessage and doesn't want to pay for sms.

OP posts:
Longsuffering123 · 28/09/2023 19:11

My 14 YO has whatsapp but very rarely uses it. His last seen is early August. Snapchat otoh is more worrying and more commonly used in teens. Messages disappear so it's harder to monitor messages.

Chestnutz · 28/09/2023 19:12

While he's still young enough for you to be checking his phone then I don't think it's a bad idea. You can guide him to use good etiquette and pick up on anything that may be of concern. If you can keep him off the big group whatsapps then all the better.

Sunshinenrain · 28/09/2023 19:29

WhatsApp is free if connected to Wi-Fi, which is why so many people use it.

I’m really surprised your DH doesn’t use it, as even my parents use it.

I wouldn’t go against your DH’s wishes as such but he’s being ridiculous and you need to tell him as much and that your son isn’t going to miss out because of his odd views.

NerdyBird · 28/09/2023 19:30

I think you're supposed to be 16 to use WhatsApp these days, is that part of it for your DH? And I think it

Original poster
PipersDream · 28/09/2023 19:32

it certainly doesn't help my argument for him to have it @NerdyBird !

@Sunshinenrain IL's all use it, just not DH. He also never used Facebook!

OP posts:
NerdyBird · 28/09/2023 19:32

bah. I think it's encrypted isn't it? Does DH have a specific data privacy concern or just general distrust?

itispersonal · 28/09/2023 19:34

I think you should let your teenager have it. It is the main means of communication in youngest and is better than snap chat as the messages don't automatically disappear. Just give your son ground rules for it- don't add / reply to anyone you don't know etc etc

HauntedPencil · 28/09/2023 19:34

I do think at 14 he needs to start to move forwards with stuff like this and have WhatsApp.

I don't find it remotely weird that other kids don't SMS - they really don't any more.

I see it as no difference to SMS really. If kids want to be nasty online they will do so, but I'd let him have it to be able to message friends.

MidnightOnceMore · 28/09/2023 19:37

NerdyBird · 28/09/2023 19:30

I think you're supposed to be 16 to use WhatsApp these days, is that part of it for your DH? And I think it

The reason for this age rating is because anyone can add their contacts to a group, which means a younger teen can end up in contact with people they don't know.

I think the OP's DH is right that it isn't really suitable for teens, but the majority of teens do seem to already be on it so it is difficult to say no.

32quietlyshocked · 28/09/2023 19:40

My DS uses What's App all the time as it gives the option to send a short voice message. He is dyslexic and has dyspraxia so typing and spelling are not his strengths. He can also message both me and his Dad at the same time if there is an urgent issue and whoever sees it first can answer. I really like it, we do have a rule however that he can't be in any big group chats eg his form group or year group as they always get nasty.

Sunshinenrain · 28/09/2023 19:40

HauntedPencil · 28/09/2023 19:34

I do think at 14 he needs to start to move forwards with stuff like this and have WhatsApp.

I don't find it remotely weird that other kids don't SMS - they really don't any more.

I see it as no difference to SMS really. If kids want to be nasty online they will do so, but I'd let him have it to be able to message friends.

I agree.

Especially if he’s not used to having many friends, I think it’s important he does similar things to what other kids his age is doing.

If he’s worried about data being shared etc then just tell him you’ll tell DS not to share his address, bank details etc.

DS is probably going to be talking about fortnight or something and DH really doesn’t have to worry about privacy.

Dramatic · 28/09/2023 19:41

My three oldest kids are on it (age 16, 13 and 11) as are all of their friends. I don't see the issue if it's mainly for this one friend to message him

HauntedPencil · 28/09/2023 19:42

You can change the settings so that you can't be added to a group - last time I organised a kids party a few if the other parents had this setting.

barbieofswanlake · 28/09/2023 20:13

Your DH is being ridiculous. Everything is monitored - our calls, chats, internet searches, our phone chatter...... Unless your DH is living off the grid he is wasting his time.

His right to not want your son to have it does not trump your right to want to let him have it. Stand your ground. This is the works we live in and your son will become isolated without the basic messaging apps any potential friend will have.

Caswallonthefox · 28/09/2023 21:05

We use discord. It's a lot better

QforCucumber · 28/09/2023 21:09

I can’t remember the last time I sent a text - a WhatsApp however I have multiple group chats, and separate individual ones. Like your dh no social media - they aren’t really remotely the same

MariePaperRoses · 28/09/2023 21:13

I would never in a million years use WhatsApp.

avoidthehack.com/stop-using-whatsapp#:~:text=WhatsApp%20has%20numerous%20privacy%20concerns,how%20it's%20used%20or%20shared.

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