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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wait or not?

3 replies

LK2610 · 28/09/2023 18:03

Hello Mumsnetters, I’m really interested to hear your thoughts. I’ve just turned 34, always wanted children, ideally one before the age of 35 because of all the risks I’ve read about trying later in life.

So it’s now the no.1 thing on my mind. Has been for about 6 months.

I’m in a stable job, good pay, good support network and I own a flat with my partner. I’m also the healthiest and fittest I’ve ever been.

My other half is 38, also in a stable job though earns less than me, not sure if that’s relevant. We’ve been together 4 years, very happy.

I’ve told him how I feel about really wanting a child. I’m getting more and more anxious about it but I’m trying not to seem too pushy.

I’d really like to start trying but he’s not too sure. He’s not against the idea but has some worries, things like ideally we’d be in a bigger place (it’s only a small 1 bed) and he’d be further on in his career, perhaps with a bit more pay. He’s also just set up a small business.

He keeps telling me not to worry, and that all his friends didn’t have kids until they were 38 and older, and it’s the norm now. So we've got plenty of time.

I don’t want to wait until then though. He says let's keep talking about it.

So my ask is, do I need to chill out about it? AIBU?

Do I have a few more years to play with? Are the risks you read about online true or is it just scaremongering? I can’t find any solid information on the NHS website but the more I read about complications etc, the more I want to start trying now.

OP posts:
Torganer · 28/09/2023 18:10

You both need to be on the same page regarding children. If he’s not ready, you can either wait (no guarantee he will ever be ready), or leave and find someone to have a child with. Your age is pretty irrelevant in this scenario as you can’t force him to have a baby with you, so your only options are to wait or try with someone else.

ThatsMeTold · 28/09/2023 18:10

it’s not scaremongering.

The biggest decrease in fertility begins during the mid-thirties. Among women who are 35, 95% will get pregnant after three years of having regular unprotected sex. For women who are 38, only 75% will get pregnant after three years of having regular unprotected sex.
https://www.enherts-tr.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Fertility-Final-v2.1-10.2018-web.pdf

https://www.enherts-tr.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Fertility-Final-v2.1-10.2018-web.pdf

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/09/2023 18:12

Another woman’s fertility has no relation to yours

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