Moving away from my emotionally abusive family, feel sick with anxiety

[Whyisshedoingthis]

I recently wrote a post about the final straw with my family, after threats of malicious reports to SS of my son and threatening to go to court to get custody of him so that we ‘never see him again’.

Always had a toxic relationship but have always loved her so much and just wanted her approval. So even when I wasn’t at fault I’d apologise or buy her presents just to like me.

She’s told me she doesn’t like me, constantly calls me fat, comments on my parenting (my son is autistic with complex needs) and guilt-trips and manipulates - but every time I try to stop as much contact I receive message after message about seeing my son and threats if I don’t let her see him.

Her screaming in my face calling me a shit mother and telling me my son would be better off without me has just led me to feeling beyond angry… just nothing.

I’ve ignored her messages for a week and blocked her on SM. Every day she has text me asking how my son is, asking how my day was, as if nothing has happened.

We had moved closer to them on the basis they would ‘support us’ and convinced me it was for the best, but it’s been 10 months if absolute hell.

I’ve put an early notice in on my tenancy which was accepted by my landlord, and today I put
down a deposit on a new house (renting). It’s only 30 minutes away as we are staying close to the school we want my son to go to, however it will feel so much better not being practically next door.

I’m literally shaking as I’ve just paid the holding fee and I’m just sat here feeling awful and shaken and anxious, am I doing the wrong thing? How do I tell her? Last time I suggested moving I got screamed at.

How do I tell her? What do I do next? We could be moving as soon as the next two weeks. I just don’t know how to handle it from here. I’d really appreciate any advice.

If you plan to cut contact all together, do you need to tell her? She sounds very abusive.

Well done OP. Go have the best life you can, free from the abuse. Surround yourself with lovely people. Good luck!

Of course you’re feeling terrified! You’ve been abused your entire life by these people and are engulfed in Fear, Obligation and Guilt. You know that it’ll never change, that you allow them too much space in your life, and they’re a negative influence.

I guess you’re right in that I don’t need to tell them. I just know in a week or two they’ll turn up to my house and realise we’re not there and who knows what they’ll do to track us down. I’m just hoping I’m making the right decision.

Would you consider changing your surname op? Be honest with dc's school and tell them you have fled abuse... New phone number... And honestly op you can do this. I have been nc with both dps for 20 years.. Df has no idea where I am

I can really relate to this, I used to get heart-pounding anxiety when their name came up on my phone, I was so conditioned to feel that if I'm screamed at then it must be my fault. I started responding with just a standard response and then no further engagement, for example "I'm not going to talk to you while you're shouting at me" and then eventually just went very low contact. Funnily enough after a couple of months of screaming and shouting at me about 'not letting my son be part of their family' the interest quickly fizzled out when they had to make an effort to see him (one of the points of contention was that they only wanted me to come to their house, to then be screamed at or cold shouldered). And no we're very low contact (the odd birthday card) and I feel so liberated. I can't believe I put up with it all for so long and whilst I still feel upset sometimes about how it's turned out, with some space to see things with more perspective, I have no guilt or doubt about it now.

New phone number, give to no one who has contact with your family.

Filter all emails containing their name to trash. Better still, set up a new email address.

Ring the police on the non-emergency number and tell them you're fleeing abuse, you expect attempts will be made to trace you and that you're pre-empting calls to police claiming they are worried about you.

Good luck.