Crying at work

[Crybabybo]

This is more of a 'i know I'm being unreasonable but need help with this'

Today was about the 5th time I have cried in the job I have had for 3 months. I'm usually feeling overwhelmed, anxious or incompetent. I cannot seem to stop the crying. How do you prevent this? I am so angry at myself.

Have you spoken to your manager or a colleague about how you’re feeling? Maybe there’s an employee assistance programme you can call?

Has this started just since starting this job? Do you enjoy working there & are you getting proper support with training and learning your new role?
If this is a new thing for you emotionally, I'd be wondering whether it's just your nervous systems response to something that feels off in your new work place, and if it's the right environment for you?

I have been there, I know how you feel. There were a couple of times when I had to shut my office door and get a hold of myself to prevent myself from crying because I was angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed. As you get older, it gets easier to put work stresses in perspective, but it will still happen. Everyone feels that way sometimes, men feel it too. But when men act out, it's viewed as an isolated incident. They just "lost their cool" but no one holds it against them. It's not fair, but women are judged by our worst moments. We are condemned as overemotional and unstable if we show the slightest crack. It's not fair, but it is the reality.

What I can say to you is that you are not alone in feeling that way, and my advice is to find a way to self-soothe, quickly, so that you don't show weakness at work. Even if you have to talk a walk, or go to the ladies' room and take some deep breaths, whatever you have to do. This too shall pass, I promise.

Don't cry at work. We can't. We have to be stronger than that because we are judged much more harshly than men. You can do it, I know you can, you are so much stronger than you know.

I frequently cry at work. It's embarrassing but I know kind u it s hormonal. I am peri menopausal and have PMDD I just tell people it's hormonal and shrug tbh.

I am also very very stressed at work it's just that my ability to cope and not cry is very much diminished.

I cried this week at work from frustration
It happens. My manager was fine about it

You are feeling like this because you aren’t in control.

Make a list of what you need to feel better. Training. Time. Support. Procedures.

Make a list

I think I’ve cried at every single job I’ve ever had, I just get overwhelmed sometimes. I just go to the loo and if anyone asks if I’ve been crying I tell them I got shampoo in my eye when I washed my hair this morning or I can feel a cold coming on so that’s why my eyes are red.

I've cried at work too! A few times!
In fact I feel for my team leader she has a all female team and I think we take it in turns to cry on her 🤣😬

I have cried at work and I used to cry walking to work at the thought of facing another day there. It wasn’t for me so I found another job and never looked back.

I cried yesterday at work. I’ve been there 10 years. I’m still cringing tbh. I cry the most out of everyone.

I did have a new job years ago where I just couldn’t stop crying. It was awful. I felt totally out of my depth, thought I was a failure, cried all the time - it turned out I had an underactive thyroid. That can make you cry a lot, I never knew!

Thanks everyone. It's nice to know I'm not alone. One huge problem I have is I cry when I have 121s with my manager because I'm vocalising my issues. Today, she looked a bit fed up with it. I sensed she was thinking 'oh here we go again'.

Im the person in work everyone comes to cry too, I'm glad they trust me but I'm a non cryer and find it so bizarre that all the cryers come to me ...the least emotional person in the work place 😂it's only Thursday...I was off Monday for a holiday and three times this week someone has came to me and started crying

I started a new job a few months ago and have been crying a lot, but fortunately only once in front of someone and that was related to a personal issue. I usually cry in the car, which I find cathartic. I can't decide if I'm in the wrong job or if it's just a period of adjustment. I hope you find a way forward that works for you.

I cried at my boss for about half an hour on Tuesday, the poor man. He was surprisingly fine about having a hysterical woman on his hands. It was a combination of stress at home (this annoyed me because I don't believe in bringing my home life to work!), worry that I'm not doing well enough and uncertainty around the job due to impending structural changes. I can imagine if it was a regular thing he might get a bit fed up of it - has yours offered support or has she always seemed a bit "here we go again"?

Plenty of people cry at work, for lots of different reasons. Some people do it regularly!!

I try not to (in public) but I do...

Obviously, you feel it's becoming a regular occurrence so you should probably make a plan of action to try to get some control of the issues...

One huge problem I have is I cry when I have 121s with my manager because I'm vocalising my issues. Today, she looked a bit fed up with it. I sensed she was thinking 'oh here we go again'

OK, yes, this is a problem.

Do you need to ‘vocalise your issues’ at every one-to-one? Maybe aim for mostly positive with just one issue you need some support with at each meeting.

Or practise the discussion with someone at home until you can do it without crying.

Oh my god, I cry in one-to-ones too! 🤣

For me it's almost a reflex action sometimes now. But I don't care. If people want to think I'm giving women a bad name for being emotional in the workplace, fuck them. My emotions are what make me good at my job. I can cry and still outperform every other bugger there, so it's not like it slows me down.

From a management perspective, it does become difficult when almost every 1on1 descends into weeping. I am normally a patient and understanding person, but am really struggling with one of my direct reports who is unable to compartmentalise, and so cries regularly when we catch up about various personal issues.

I've offered practical help, advice, listened and sympathised many times, but still the angst continues. It feels like something new happens every week.

It's got to the point where I honestly dread our regular meetings as I know I'll be so drained from trying to cheer her up, and also I know nothing will get discussed about work as she'll just derail the conversation 😔 I hate feeling like this, but it's worn me down.

I now send her emails with work-related updates and questions rather than even try to raise them in 1on1 meetings. Not ideal, but the only way to get an actual answer.

With regards to crying at work generally, I've done it on the odd occasion, and for me it's a sign that I'm close to burnout and need to sort my work-life balance before I make myself unwell. Another time when my cat was hit by a car and died, I had to ask my team not to mention it or I knew I'd just be crying all day.

So in summary - occasional office weeping is fine, but try to figure out why it's happening and address it before it becomes a habit.

I highly recommend a job in teaching if you are a cryer - we are everywhere in teaching. I schedule my crying break in during PPA time.

I am a crier. I cry at adverts.

I do think, that crying at work is very unprofessional. I think you should work out exactly what starts you off and actively avoid that in future meetings.

I would also be having a conversation with your manager. Something along the lines of "I have been tearful in a few of our 121 meetings because of xyz. Can we work on strategies to address xyz?"

Don't avoid the elephant.

I thought crying was a good thing, as it helps to release emotion and pent-up feelings. I say that as someone who cries probably once or twice a year in total.

However, I surprised myself by crying for the first time at work, where I've been for about a year.

A combination of what I now know was me suffering from Covid, a few non-performing team members, an ill parent, a challenging ex and a court case that I brought against him meant everything got the better of me, and I fell apart cried when I told my boss I was going home early. He was ever so good and reassuring, and I didn't feel silly at all.

As long as you're not crying on people every day OP, most will understand. You perhaps need to try and work out why it's happening as frequently as it is though, and if it's solely down to your work place, or other factors e.g. personal.

I think occasional tears from frustration/overwhelm is fine but it 1:1 s are always going like this then you do need to reflect.

Could you find another outlet? Counselling/mentor/friend?

What are the issues upsetting you? Are they things that can change ? Or things where it is just part of the job?

If you are continually feeling anxious and overwhelmed and you are often crying it isn't the same as someone occasionally finding it hard to cope or usually managing ok but sometimes it gets too much. Work can be hard but it isn't good to feel like this all the time. I would try and talk to another manager or HR about it. You will become unwell if you carry on like this.

Hey lovely, I went through a patch last year of just uncontrollable sobbing (would cry at the slightest things - my job, tv advert, a old man walking down the road) and it turned out I had depression. I just thought the way I was feeling was just hormones.

My Dr put me on anti depressants and I can't tell you how much they helped. Instead of being sensitive or emotional I was kind of numb but it felt better being numb to things than being upset. After about 6 months on them I spoke with my Dr and I slowly came off them and I've been much better!

I know this might not suit you but might be worth speaking to the Dr just to see if maybe it is a bit of depression.

Things will get better 😊 sending you a big hug xxx