DP caught smoking a bong

[whatdoidoo101]

I am livid. AIBU? Do I end things?

DP has had a problem with weed for years but when I fell pregnant with our baby who is now only 7 weeks old I made it very clear to him the importance that he gets sober. Which he finally DID when I was 6 months pregnant. For him to get sober I took him on a weeks cruise so that he couldn’t get access to it and he could distract himself and it ‘worked’ ? he hasn’t smoked weed since (well I thought) I told him everyday how proud I was of him.

my sister had told me as he was leaving for work and she was arriving at my house he was smoking a bong around the corner of my house.

i am super upset for many of reasons. and last night I actually looked at him and said ‘are you okay?? Your eyes are super red you look stoned’ and he said it’s because he’s tired but looking back he was obviously stoned.

you might ask how didn’t I see him smoke it. He always goes outside of the house for a ‘cigarette’ so I assumed that’s what he smoked but obviously he’s been going out for bongs too. And then he comes inside and sprays himself a million times over again I just thought this was because I always complains he smells of smoke.

im mostly upset because last night for the first time I asked him to watch baby whilst I take a relaxing bath, since having baby I’ve been taking rushed showers but last night I wanted to take the time to relax but obviously he was looking after baby stoned and I didn’t even realise and I’m so upset. I would NEVER let baby in his or anyone’s presence whilst stoned or on any substance.

I feel as this has all been thrown back in my face especially when I tried to hard to help him. Why hasn’t he told me? Why is he hiding that he’s smoking it again?

I feel sick. I feel like ending things with him to be honest

You have a seven week old and he's sneaking out the house to smoke a bong? Get rid of him!

TBH you should have ended it as soon as you realised he was a habitual user of weed. As you’ve now discovered it doesn’t work to issue ultimatums.

You can't trust him - he's proven that fact.
He probably can't change.
He's shown you who he is.
You can do better.

YADNBU and you end things

Good luck x

YANBU to be very angry he lied and to consider ending the relationship.

But YABU to worry too much about having had him watch her whilst you had a bath. He was just mildly stoned not off his face on smack, im sure she was perfectly safe.

as i said though the lying is disgusting and you have a right to have these boundaries where you dont want someone using illegal drugs whilst caring for your child. That she wasnt in that much danger is irrelevant to that.
he obviously has an addiction he needs to deal with.

He's an addict and until he gets proper help for his addiction he will remain one.

He is spending money on drugs, not his child, or his home. Get rid.

many years ago in my twenties I’d say ‘no big deal it’s only weed’

how naive was I!

the amount of stoner men I know from back then (17 onwards) who are now still doing weed daily in their mid thirties is shocking!

They may not do class As or even drink, but they smoke a joint at least 1-2x a day. They are lazy around the home and it affects their entire lives. They get noisy if they can’t have a spliff. They ruin family days out if they can’t get high.

One friend of mine actually found her husband smoking a joint on a family trip to Morocco! He was that determined that he had to find a dealer even on bloody holiday to Morocco. Getting high and leaving her in the hotel with the kids.

My older brother is in his late thirties and a stoner with a wife and 2 kids. His house stinks of weed and my sis in-law says he’s the laziest git ever after work as his down time is getting high every day.

I am so sorry and I have no answers. The problem is weed addiction isn’t seen the same as being an alcoholic or a cocaine user. Despite it being illegal it’s seen as a ‘chilled out cool guy’ past time. So they can easily justify it in their heads as harmless or even ‘good’ for you.

I have no answers but want you to know I get your feelings.

my only suggestion is to accept it in your head that he will always be a stoner and make your decisions based on that.

You are a fool for getting pregnant with this man and continuing the pregnancy. You reap what you sow.
Leave now before if affects your child.

They get moody if they can’t get high** was what I meant not noisy!

Thanks everyone. I’m breaking up with him. There’s been a few lies in the past but this has done it for me.

I rung him and confronted him whilst I was with my sister I had him on speaker, he called my sister a liar and denied it then later admitted it.

To moving on… 💗

I'd rather a stoner than a drinker

Good for you. It doesn't have to either

Well that was all very fast moving. Honestly I didn’t realise that grown men would be using a bong, especially when apparently trying to be subtle but I guess he wanted to be caught?

I'd rather a stoner than a drinker

Most people would rather neither who did these things in excess…

I would rather not be with a lying criminal but hey each to their own.

OP Well done for making the best decision for you and your new born. Your baby deserves a drug from home.