Cancel child contact due to Covid

[PurpleBugz]

My ex has text to say he can't have the kids this weekend he has Covid. He says his fever broke on Wednesday but he's still congested and has a cough.

We have a very high need autistic child who has violent and challenging behaviour he also wakes at night and makes mess so I never get full nights sleep. I use contact time to clean and batch cooking (can't really cook with him home) and of course I sleep.

I know this man calls in sick to work at the slightest thing. I have even seen him photograph a loose shit as justification for taking 2 days off when he in himself was not unwell. He cancels a fair amount of his contact with the kids.

I'm desperate for a break so possibly not thinking straight on this. NHS advice is if no fever kids go to school with Covid so I feel ex should have the kids and have told him so. He's called me selfish.

I have ongoing health stuff myself in constant pain I just have to get on with it.

He would be getting a train to collect the kids.

AIBU to expect him to still have his kids?

But if you have health things going on why would you want Covid right now? It's pretty much inevitable they would come back with it.

We may actually have had it. We all had fever and coughing a couple weeks ago but I didn't have tests to check.

I feel like dealing with Covid is just what will have to happen. At least I would have had a full nights sleep and have food ready to heat up. Right now I'm exhausted and feel like I'm drowning

Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. By forcing him to travel when he has covid then you are putting hundreds of vulnerable people at risk.

Yes it is part of life now but so is making sure you don't spread it unnecessarily.

He can’t call in sick for parenting. What a twat and a lazy father.

Yeah that's why I posted because of the train. But having checked the current advise it said once fever gone then no need to stay home. His fever broke Wednesday so it will have been over 48 hours since then before he gets on the train.

I doubt he's going to have the kids anyway so people on the train probably won't be exposed. I'm just really really struggling and have not had any respite in weeks. I needed this weekend

YANBU. This is not a reason to cancel. Covid is just one of these things now, and looking after your child when you feel rubbish is just something parents have to do. Tell him he will just need to man up and have him.

Is there a compromise that could be made eg you drop DC off to save the train journey? Not ideal as it’s more work for you but it would get you the break you need.

And try to do something nice for you, not just more chores 😊

Essentially I'd agree with you but things change when parenting is separated. Parenting from home whilst poorly is one thing but expecting them to take public transport to collect a child is different.

@PurpleBugz can you drop the kids at his so he doesn't have to travel?

For the long term, can you get some sort of nanny care in place once a week, even for a few hours so you can get some things done?