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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want brother & his wife visiting?

18 replies

maceycakes · 28/09/2023 02:15

I am due to move into my new home in a few weeks.

I am having a small party with parents, my other siblings, cousins and aunt and uncle.

I get on OK with my brother, but I really dislike his wife.

His wife is nosey, is a stirrer, slags my parents off, makes rude comments about my cousins and calls my cousins kids "geeks" and is just so nasty and rude to our family.

I really do not want her coming round ever to my house as I dislike her that much.

In the past when I have brought Christmas and birthday presents she never says thank you and nor do the kids.

My brother never invites us to his house but yet her family is invited all the time to their house but yet they expect to be invited to my house all time, or invited them selves shall I say.

Plus the kids have no manners and have trashed my house in the past which is another reason I don't want them coming round.

My sister has said our brother will be upset by being the only family member not being invited, am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/09/2023 02:25

I had similar with a male cousin. I told his sister that once he'd 'caught up' and invited me that many times to his, I'd start inviting him again. He hadn't t had me once but had the audacity to complain when I stopped after tens of times.

The question is, can you be honest with your brother?

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 28/09/2023 02:47

As it’s a small housewarming party I think in this occasion YABU. Close other room doors and tell DB and SIL they need to fix anything the kids break/ destroy asap pull them up on their behaviour straight away. You don’t like them anyway so be abrupt about their kids lack of manners in your own home.

In the long run don’t ask them around get some distance between you and them as she sounds like hard work!!

TheSandgroper · 28/09/2023 05:10

I would not invite them but be prepared to live with the fallout. Have a stock rebuttal phrase ready (well, I don’t get invited to theirs. Ever. Or. It’s their turn to invite me to theirs) and just keep repeating it.

I can see strong merit in having your house free from her.

Original poster

maceycakes · 28/09/2023 14:02

TheSandgroper · 28/09/2023 05:10

I can see strong merit in having your house free from her.

Yes I would prefer not to invite them especially since they never invite me and expect me to host them all the time whilst their kids trash my house.

OP posts:

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 28/09/2023 18:48

Yes I would prefer not to invite them especially since they never invite me and expect me to host them all the time whilst their kids trash my house

Did you post about them a few weeks back?

Either way, don't invite them. Start as you mean to go on

filka · 28/09/2023 19:21

Instead of having a party, could you invite the relatives one couple at a time for a quieter get-together, but just never quite get around to the DB and SIL

caringcarer · 28/09/2023 20:04

You don't have to invite them OP. It's your house invite who you please. If he complains just tell him you are still waiting for an invite to his house. If he pushes it I'd just tell him you find his wife's behaviour obnoxious. She is rude to your parents and you don't want it happening in your home. Be prepared for him to go NC with you.

GuardiansPlayList · 28/09/2023 20:05

There are 2 sides to every story. You might find she doesn’t want to come to yours anyway OP.

Spirallingdownwards · 28/09/2023 20:07

Don't invite them if you don't mind if there is fallout. I wouldn't. If anyone else had a problem I would tell them why they aren't invited.

RedSquirrelsRock · 28/09/2023 20:12

So what if there is a fall out with db and his arse of a wife? They don't respect you or your home, they can jog right on.

RedSquirrelsRock · 28/09/2023 20:13

Spirallingdownwards · 28/09/2023 20:07

Don't invite them if you don't mind if there is fallout. I wouldn't. If anyone else had a problem I would tell them why they aren't invited.

100%

Olika · 28/09/2023 20:35

Spirallingdownwards · 28/09/2023 20:07

Don't invite them if you don't mind if there is fallout. I wouldn't. If anyone else had a problem I would tell them why they aren't invited.

Exactly

CherryMaDeara · 28/09/2023 20:37

Don’t invite them.

If they say anything tell the fuckers they never invite you.

MsLavender · 28/09/2023 21:53

YANBU but do you speak up when they're trashing the house or slagging off family members? I'd have to say something there and then.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/09/2023 21:57

I wouldn't invite them and I wouldn't lose a bit of sleep over it. They clearly aren't concerned about your feelings, why should you be concerned about theirs? Respect is a two-way street.

Cherrysoup · 28/09/2023 21:58

The second their kids try to leave the room, you tell them they have to stay put because they trashed stuff last time. Any shitty comments should be immediately called out.

If you don’t invite them, they will probably strop and go nc. Do you care?

RampantIvy · 28/09/2023 22:06

MsLavender · 28/09/2023 21:53

YANBU but do you speak up when they're trashing the house or slagging off family members? I'd have to say something there and then.

What do you say when this happens?

I wouldn't be able to stay quiet if someone behaved like that in my house. No-one's child has trashed my house because they have never been allowed to.

bluesatin · 28/09/2023 22:51

I am a geek and regard being called a geek is a complement! It means you are able to think for yourself, have plenty of imagination and don't care a damn about following pointless fashions. Tell her she and her children must be mundanes and sheeple.

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