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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby reigns

125 replies

Mammadibambini · 27/09/2023 23:33

I’m a single mum and my DD is very strong willed. She’s getting to grips with walking but she already is pulling her hand away and my reaction to this is to ask her her to hold my hand and if she refuses I carry her. (We don’t have a pram with us when out walking. Yes I know I could just wheel the pram around too but what a faff.) I don’t want to carry her. She’s picking up speed with her walking but is also still a bit unsteady especially if the surface isn’t perfectly flat.

would I be unreasonable to use reigns?
I’m a bit worried about restricting her movements but then also want to keep her safe. Any alternatives to using reigns?

OP posts:
notanothernana · 28/09/2023 06:32

Just to add, I found them really helpful when mine were learning to walk (you know those early toddles to the post box) and they would stop them falling over.

HairHeGoesHairHeGoesAgain · 28/09/2023 06:54

Yes, use reins. The traditional kind that have a proper "handle" and clip at the back are brilliant. Safety obviously but also stopping your child falling properly. And we used them on the scooter/bike too from DS being about 16m. So DS could get a feel for it and balance but without the worry of him toppling over and braining himself. You just keep them loose and jog beside.

megletthesecond · 28/09/2023 06:56

Of course reins are fine. They're better for the child's posture than having their hand raised up for ages.

PinkRoses1245 · 28/09/2023 06:59

Having nearly hit a toddler whilst driving who stepped in the road - big fan of reins. The little backpack with 1 rein is good, gives them more freedom than holding your hand

smallshinybutton · 28/09/2023 07:03

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/09/2023 02:30

There existed a poster on here, I think her username was MrsPresley, whose child died. She advocated reins. I used reins. And I believe that she has probably saved lives on here talking about the terrible tragedy in her life. It gave those of us who wavered a feeling we were doing the right thing.

Use reins (spelled that way) and keep your baby safe.

I read that post and it stuck with me so it wasn't even a question for me. Get some backpack reins and they can help with the shopping too.

WhatNoRaisins · 28/09/2023 07:27

I tend to put the loop of the reins around my wrist or arm and hold their hand, it's not a mutually exclusive thing. We used the backpack ones, useful for carrying a spare nappy, trousers, pants etc.

biscuitbadger · 28/09/2023 07:34

I approve of reins.

However, my toddler didn't, and as soon as she realised what was going on, wanted to hold the reins herself. Not mummy holding them. Not both of us holding them. Got very annoyed and sat on the floor and refused to walk, if I was holding them. And that was with backpack ones 😆

But I think most kids seem to accept them, so go for it. I don't understand why people object to sth that keeps toddlers safe.

CoffeeCantata · 28/09/2023 07:37

They usually do! (Sorry - couldn't resist!)

Reins are a sound idea as so many pps have said. Why anyone has a problem with them is bizarre. I guess they must be over-thinking things and imagining problems where none exist.

fandjango · 28/09/2023 07:42

We use the wrist reins. I have mobility issues and we need to walk but if my son bolts I wouldn't be able to run for him. They work perfectly and he has quite a range of movement too.

ColonelSpondleClagnut · 28/09/2023 07:51

Yep - used them with all of mine. The original harness type. You can also stick your leg through the loop if you have to use both hands to get your car keys out / door open / whatever too. 😬

Also good when they decide to throw themselves on the floor whilst you're on a zebra crossing and you can (as a PP said) Mission Impossible them across the road!

theduchessofspork · 28/09/2023 07:54

murasaki · 27/09/2023 23:39

Reins. I wore them as a kid as I was a bolter. I remember them being pale blue leather. I think they are a good idea for toddlers who can move fast but with no sense of safety, but haven't seen anyone using them in a while. Bring them back!

I think they are brilliant, they allow bolters a lot more freedom.

The ones with a proper harness round the chest* though, not the ones with a loop round the wrist like a dog lead.

*with the massive bonus that you can give them a quick swing. Toddler Heaven.

Rawrrawr1 · 28/09/2023 07:57

We had and still use the backpack style. DS is 3.5 now and will still happily put them on if we are going somewhere busy as he can put a snack and a toy in the bag ( I can also pop keys in there) ours are giraffe ones from Aldi

fearfuloffluff · 28/09/2023 08:11

I think the theory behind people who don't use them is that kids need to learn about risk themselves and are capable of doing so if you take the time and have the patience.

Some people I know didn't use stairgates, let kids use china plates and glasses from the get go, let them do chopping with a sharp knife under supervision or hammer in nails etc.

That might work for some kids I guess! It's sad really that we all just put up with cars and trucks being a constant danger.

WithIcePlease · 28/09/2023 08:22

There was a MN thread a few years ago that completely changed my opinions on reins. It included very sad accounts of children being involved in accidents that could have been avoided with reins. I use them for DNephew - he's v happy with the backpack ones.

Bells3032 · 28/09/2023 08:29

I don't know anyone that's criticised reins themselves but lots of people saying they're worried about others criticisms. I don't really understand anyone who criticises them - would you rather have your toddler hit my a car. My child can bolt and she's shockingly fast. it takes one second for a child to let go of your hand.

When we walk she often does hold my hand more for her own security but its also lovely to see her enjoy the freedom of the reins and running about. i never pull and i keep up with her. i bought he one with a lion harness and started using it as a toy before we took it outside. she loves putting her lion on and often asks for the harness (sans reins) to be put on when we are home so it clearly doesn't bother one bit

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 28/09/2023 08:31

We used reins on my eldest - the traditional harness kind. She was a clumsy face faller (never put her hands out) and a bolter. We wanted her to learn how to walk around safely rather than being buggy pushed everywhere so opted for reins.

I have zero regrets. They kept her safe and active until she was more steady on her feet and biddable with instructions.

My youngest didn't need them so we didn't use them. Much like a lot of parenting, you do what's right and best for the child in front of you.

TheHappyCarrot · 28/09/2023 08:39

Out of the three, I found reins worked the best for a bolting toddler. Reigns and rains were worse than useless in keeping the kids in check.

marshmallowfinder · 28/09/2023 08:43

DreamTheMoors · 28/09/2023 04:07

The first time I saw parents using baby reigns I was appalled.
Then my sister explained that since we were all on a dock over a roaring river, it was to prevent the toddler from running into the water. That made perfect sense.
It was shocking though because I’d never seen it before - and also, I was young and naïve.
If it’ll save your child from harm, why wouldn’t you use reigns or anything else?

How on earth were you appalled by such a simple, obvious thing? Does a car seat shock you too? (They are reins, not reigns, BTW.)

WithIcePlease · 28/09/2023 08:52

@MrsTerryPratchett
That was the thread that changed my mind. Really sobering

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 28/09/2023 10:16

@MillicentTrilbyHiggins - TBF toddlers are basically mini dictators who like to think they reign their households.

So true!

I don't like to be a twat who points out spelling issues, but so many people were using the wrong spelling...

ginandtonicwithlimes · 28/09/2023 10:26

Just use reins. My one year old wanted to walk so I use them. He gets to walk and me catch him if he falls and I get peace of mind. Why wouldn't you?

heyitsthistle · 28/09/2023 10:36

I don't know why reins get negative press - they're so useful!

xILikeJamx · 28/09/2023 10:40

We used this kind of thing for our 2. Looks less severe than straight-up reins IMO

Topseyt123 · 28/09/2023 11:31

REINS not REIGNS!! The two words do not even mean the same thing. Reins are the safety equipment to allow toddlers to walk safely and keep control of attempts to bolt.

Reigns would mean that your toddler is king or queen of your household.

Anyway, of course you use REINS. Why wouldn't you want to keep your child safe from bolting into traffic or wandering off and getting lost!

My children were always given a simple choice when they were that age, whether they liked it or not. It was reins or pushchair. If they tried to refuse either then I just plonked them in the pushchair, held them down and fastened them in. Any protests were ignored.