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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be miffed for a lousy birthday!!

29 replies

deifersmum · 27/09/2023 21:23

Hi, this is my first post here and I need to know if I have a point or am being childish.
On Monday (25th) as we were driving home dh asked if I wanted to go out for the day on my birthday the next day. I replied yes that would be nice but you'll need to get up handy, he has a habit of having really long lay in's, he is on quite a bit of meds for various medical conditions, so normally I cut him some slack and get on with my day, no problem, his reply to this was "I can get up when it matters".

Get to yesterday morning, no sign of him, I took the dog out for our normal group walk at 10.30, before I could drive off I had to put my birthday cake that had been left in the car over night, in the house, along with wrapping paper and a tub of roses. I got back home with the dog after 12p.m to him sitting in his chair, didn't even move to make a drink but there were a couple of pressies on the table from him. One was a personal chill machine and a nuyou personal massager!!! What's wrong with that!!!! I saw his credit card statement and saw a purchase from the fragrance shop and I took a delivery in for him last week of some jewellery, the bag had split and I recognised the name! Not an hour after I got back he went back to bed and stayed there till 7 this morning when he got up to collect the grandkids.

So, aibu to feel totally and utterly miffed and inconsequential and only here to pick up his socks and collect his med for him. Sorry for the length of this post, needed to get it out.

OP posts:
CapEBarra · 27/09/2023 21:26

Do you mean he has bought perfume and jewellery for someone but it’s not you?

YeahNoYeah · 27/09/2023 21:26

I'm confused, so who's is the perfume and jewellery?

Debini · 27/09/2023 21:27

Where is the perfume and jewellery?

EpitomeofEpiphany · 27/09/2023 21:28

What did you say to eachother when you came home from walking the dog?

GrazingSheep · 27/09/2023 21:28

So is he having an affair?

ApolloandDaphne · 27/09/2023 21:41

So who did he buy jewellery and perfume for?

Debini · 27/09/2023 21:41

??

Anothagoatthis · 27/09/2023 21:42

I voted YABU only because your post is confusing and unclear.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/09/2023 21:44

Have you left some salient information out of your OP?!

43ontherocksporfavor · 27/09/2023 21:46

He sounds thoughtless. YANBU.
Defo need to find out about the jewellery.

cuddlebear · 27/09/2023 21:46

I’m also confused.

Do you think he bought the perfume and jewellery for another woman?

pictoosh · 27/09/2023 21:48

Also confused about where the jewellery and perfume are. And please, what is a personal chill machine?

HeadacheEarthquake · 27/09/2023 21:48

What's a personal chill machine?

Original poster
deifersmum · 27/09/2023 22:44

The chill machine is a jml chill max 2.0.
He's not having an affair I can categorically state that, he's never out of the house long enough on his own as I'm his carer as well. I think the perfume and jewellery may be for Christmas but will have to wait for christmas to find out, i was sort of hoping as I turned 65 yesterday so was hoping for a fuss, especially when he mentioned going for a day out and a meal somewhere nice. When the reality was him in bed, and I got the ironing done !!!! I think the thing that has upset me is him saying he can get up when it matters, does that mean I don't!!!

OP posts:
Actupfishy · 27/09/2023 22:49

That's an excessive amount of time to spend in bed, is he very poorly?

Original poster
deifersmum · 27/09/2023 23:28

He has good days and bad, annoyingly he always pushes himself to much on his good days which make the bad ones worse and more frequent, but he usually paces himself if he has a special occassion, hence the miffedness. thanks for asking.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 28/09/2023 00:15

deifersmum · 27/09/2023 23:28

He has good days and bad, annoyingly he always pushes himself to much on his good days which make the bad ones worse and more frequent, but he usually paces himself if he has a special occassion, hence the miffedness. thanks for asking.

Have you actually had a conversation?

uncomfortablydumb53 · 28/09/2023 00:40

I would feel as if I didn't matter enough to get up for too OP
As you're also his carer, I think he also brought your Christmas presents while he was out
I know it's not the same but could you go for lunch or whenever his best time if the day is soon?
Did he get you a birthday card?

Furryrug · 28/09/2023 00:50

It was my birthday yesterday too and was also pretty rubbish.

Original poster
deifersmum · 28/09/2023 05:56

Sorry furryrug that you had a lousy day too.
We haven't actually spoken, it's all I can do to be in the same room with him at the moment, I know it doesn't help!!! But he's the sort that ignores things untill they blow over which is extremely annoying and I think disrespectful, or am I wrong! we were planning on going for a meal at a lovely place we found but obviously that didn't happen.

OP posts:
43ontherocksporfavor · 28/09/2023 07:36

People who suggest nice things, bask in the glow of asking then hope you’ve forgotten are very weird. MIL does this.

43ontherocksporfavor · 28/09/2023 07:39

Don’t let him use his illness as an excuse. He should have acknowledged how he felt, apologised, planned for another date , not totally ignored it. When he asked you was there a caveat based on how he would be feeling?

Justcallmebebes · 28/09/2023 07:49

He bought you an air con unit for your 65th at the end of September? Wow

Anothagoatthis · 28/09/2023 08:07

43ontherocksporfavor · 28/09/2023 07:36

People who suggest nice things, bask in the glow of asking then hope you’ve forgotten are very weird. MIL does this.

lol yes 😂 I’ve met men like this but also had a former best friend who was like that. It’s so odd, they don’t realise how obvious it is when they don’t follow through.

Original poster
deifersmum · 28/09/2023 11:16

That's exactly how I feel, I get all excited and then it never happens, I used to be like that at Christmas, had that metaphorically knocked out of me, now it's happening with birthdays, and it's more upsetting when I think if the effort I put in to making his birthday special, no more Mrs nice lady.

OP posts:
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