Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not have apologised for being 1 minute late for preschool

59 replies

adhas · 27/09/2023 19:18

My DD, is in preschool which is part of a bigger school.

She's not in reception yet, she starts reception next year.

I had a nightmare morning today and long story short, DD was about one minute late. I didn't apologise to the teachers, but kind of felt like they wanted me to.

It's a weird one because I would have probably apologised if we were properly late, but because it was borderline I didn't.

Still I got a bit of a vibe from them, but even though I got then vibe, I didn't apologise.

Would you have apologised ? I suspect I need to put my hard hat on for these replies...

OP posts:
smallshinybutton · 27/09/2023 20:17

What vibe did you get from them?

They probably didn't care you were late but you're supposed to model good behaviour to your child and you've failed.

BatteryPoweredMammy · 27/09/2023 20:17

Why are you so uptight about this?

Most parents wouldn’t hesitate to say a quick ‘sorry we’re a bit late’ as they head out of the door and start thinking about something else.

You not acknowledging being late isn’t a big deal, but to go straight to playing the victim and blaming the teacher, who didn’t actually say anything, is seriously weird.

Do you often make up scenarios in your head where someone has wronged you even though they haven’t actually done anything at all?

itsgettingweird · 27/09/2023 20:19

Who doesn't automatically apologise when they are late?

It would have taken me more effort to fight the urge to not say a quick sorry than to have just said it 🤣

SeptemberTime · 27/09/2023 20:24

MrsMarzetti · 27/09/2023 20:02

Not it is not flexible. Why should you interrupt Register or another child taking their turn to tell the class any news they had to tell ?

Our pre schools sound very different, ours is much more relaxed and based around play especially first thing. We have never ever had a note asking parents to ensure children are there at 9am and am sure we would have based on the other ‘reminder’ notes, if this was a thing. So many parents drop off after 9am at ours 🤷🏼‍♀️

off · 27/09/2023 20:35

I once asked not to work with the new learning support assistant I'd been allocated, and requested rematching with a new one, because she was one single, petty minute late.

I'd walked half an hour across town to the building she was based in, arrived in good time, and waited for her in what seemed like the right place. She sauntered down from her office at one minute past our meeting time and didn't even acknowledge her slight lateness, let alone apologise.

I understand that things suddenly come up that need dealing with, phone calls unexpectedly run over… people just lose track of time, even. I get that. It's fine.

But even if it's fine, inconsequential, and I wouldn't normally give a second thought to a minute's lateness in itself, I did give a second thought to the way this person made me feel by being slightly late and not acknowledging it or giving a quick social-lubricant apology. I'd put a lot of effort into being in the right place at the right time, in an unfamiliar city, and was nervous about identifying the person I was meant to meet, as well as unsure I was in the right place. When my appointment time came and went, I began to feel more anxious and uncertain.

Something as small as an apology for being a little late, maybe an acknowledgement I'd been waiting, possibly a brief explanation — something like "Hello, you must be off! I'm <name>. Thank you for waiting — I'm sorry, there was something I had to wrap up before our meeting", or even just "Hello — oh, I'm a minute late, sorry about that!", or really anything to acknowledge it, and all would've immediately been smoothed over.

But without it, I was left with a vague and uncomfortable feeling — perhaps that she didn't think it would matter if she didn't do what she said she'd do, or my time and discomfort were of no concern to her as she was more important than me, or… something, I don't know exactly what. But from that point on, I felt uncomfortable with her.

These tiny things like apologising for being a minute late, even when it's something so petty and doesn't really matter, can be important sometimes, because of the message you send by not apologising when an apology is routinely expected. It depends on the circumstances, obviously, but occasionally it's socially important even when it's something so tiny.

The replacement LSA I was allocated organised to travel to me, and turned up on time.

Atticustheaardvark · 27/09/2023 20:44

Wouldn't a quick 'sorry' have come out almost subconsciously? I'm picturing myself in that situation, slightly flustered, a bit dishevelled, and out would fly a breathless sorry. In fact, I'm sure it would take more effort to actually think about NOT saying sorry!

Starlightstarbright2 · 27/09/2023 20:48

I have never in real life encountered people who don’t say sorry for something as a courtesy .

I doubt they care and it is your feelings that could have been avoided sorry had a mare of a morning .

off · 27/09/2023 20:59

Obviously I'm not usually so very sensitive to that sort of thing — it was a one-off, slightly stressful situation, where the lateness caused me extra anxiety when normally it wouldn't. But it's just so normal to apologise for being late that it put me right off her when she didn't bother — the LSA made a crappy first impression probably without even realising it. (She probably thought she'd dodged a bullet, too, if she ever found out why I'd requested a re-allocation — "because you were one minute late to the first meeting" sounds inexpressibly anal 🤣)

Jeannie88 · 27/09/2023 21:05

Always polite to apologise really

Hummingbird233 · 27/09/2023 21:06

I wouldn't apologise. Preschool is completely optional and being 10 mins late shouldn't be an issue, let alone 1.

wafflingworrier · 27/09/2023 21:08

I would've apologised, because you were still late. Its not a big deal...

NumberTheory · 27/09/2023 21:11

Hummingbird233 · 27/09/2023 21:06

I wouldn't apologise. Preschool is completely optional and being 10 mins late shouldn't be an issue, let alone 1.

It being optional doesn't change whether or not being late disturbs everyone else. You aren't apologizing for not adhering to government regulations, you're apoligizing for the disruption that you cause to the others in the class.

neilyoungismyhero · 27/09/2023 21:11

It's a bit weird having decided not to apologise and then agonising on here about it for ages. So much quicker easier and over just to say 'sorry bit late' at the time..end of

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 27/09/2023 21:11

It seems like you've been thinking about it and know you should have said sorry (even if you were only one minute late). It wouldn't have crossed your mind again otherwise.

wafflingworrier · 27/09/2023 21:13

Hummingbird233 · 27/09/2023 21:06

I wouldn't apologise. Preschool is completely optional and being 10 mins late shouldn't be an issue, let alone 1.

Imagine. You have just got 15 little children happy and settled, dealt with any crying children, started your routine eg a good morning song. Aaaand the doorbell goes. So you get up, leave the children, repeat. It may be that the child inside who has just stopped crying hears the doorbell and thinks their parent has come back again. Cue repeat of settling them in. And then all is calm... aaaaand the next parent turns up late.
One minute isn't a big deal but it's polite to apologise, you don't know how disruptive it is for them.

WeWereInParis · 27/09/2023 21:15

SeptemberTime · 27/09/2023 19:45

It’s pre school?! Not school! There has never been any mention of ‘children need to be dropped off at exactly 9am’ at ours so I would assume it’s flexible to be completely honest.

Ours is definitely flexible as well. It's attached to a nursery though so runs more like that than like a school.

PinkMoscatoLover · 27/09/2023 21:17

ThatMrsM · 27/09/2023 19:36

It depends...if the other children were already inside and the teachers had to go out of their way to let you in then yes I'd apologize.

If I was one minute late dropping off my son at preschool no one would notice as there would still be some people waiting in the queue to go in. So I wouldn't apologize if that's the case.

Yep same here

Screamingabdabz · 27/09/2023 21:19

It’s a strange thing I’ve learned over the years that you could have been through the nightmare trials of Hercules to ‘only’ be a minute late and you’ll get the stink eye. If you wait and make it 20 minutes people are more likely to believe you’ve struggled to get there.

So I agree with you - no apology needed. Especially not for pre-school jeeez.

theduchessofspork · 27/09/2023 21:20

Apologising is just basic good manners.

Why wouldn’t you have done it?

Anyway it’s not a big deal, just be more polite next time.

AlfredaTheGrape · 27/09/2023 21:20

You're late, you apologise in passing, how rude not to. And I'm not great at timekeeping.

Bored1000 · 27/09/2023 21:22

Depends, it’s good to apologise when you are late but it someone stared at me ( gave me bad vibes) in a way that was sort of demanding that I give an apology for being 1 minute late I probably wouldn’t because for god sake it is 1 minute!! and everyone is trying their best to get out the door in the morning and be on time so I think that is slightly unreasonable behaviour….that is I’m presuming that you are generally on time?

Phoenix76 · 27/09/2023 21:25

Although I kind of understand where you're coming from, I believe the correct thing would be to apologise. Yes it was only one minute but then we're in the territory of blurred lines, different bars being set etc. Also important is children learn behaviours from adults so it's good for your dc to learn good manners directly from you (believe me I have to remind myself of that too).

Hummingbird233 · 27/09/2023 21:49

@NumberTheory preschool is a play based childcare option. It isnt school.

What could 1 minute late (or 5) really disturb?! It would be easy enough for a child to come in a few minutes late, hang their coat up and get on with an activity. It really isn't anything to apologise for.

FortunataTagnips · 27/09/2023 21:53

One minute? Nah. It’s not like everyone has perfectly synchronised watches - you might not even have been late by their clock.

NumberTheory · 27/09/2023 21:57

Hummingbird233 · 27/09/2023 21:49

@NumberTheory preschool is a play based childcare option. It isnt school.

What could 1 minute late (or 5) really disturb?! It would be easy enough for a child to come in a few minutes late, hang their coat up and get on with an activity. It really isn't anything to apologise for.

In my kids' preschool you'd have interrupted the morning meeting where they sang a song and learned about what was available for playing with and anything special happening that session. (Assuming, as I said in a previous post, the one minute late was a minute after all the corralling that seemed to be inevitable with that age group).

Swipe left for the next trending thread