To ask how you discipline your child?

[itsreallymylife]

I am so exhausted my dd nearly 6 will not do anything I ask, will shout and swear and violently attack, she is making home life so hard for all the family.
She deliberately winds everyone up and the swearing and name calling is repetitive.
I made a recent thread about her behaviour and it was suggested that she could have SEN. I am in the process of trying to get her assessed but it's very early days and the school don't see this happening as she masks at school.
It was suggested on my last thread that she may have ODD which I think is likely but at this stage unofficial.
I need some way of disciplining her, as nothing works and she's tearing the family apart, she won't do anything she's told is constantly destroying the home and the screaming it's got to the point I'm just not enjoying life anymore and if it wasn't for my other children I would have walked away.
I know I sound awful but there's no disciplining her and she's out of control and I'm out of hope.

Has anyone got any ideas that could help us through this?
Sorry if it seems like a very similar post to my last but I had some great advice about SEN and assessment and we've hopefully got the ball rolling.
I just need to know how to cope with her now.

When it comes to keeping her safe I would use every device you can to keep her safe, as well as very clear instructions repeated frequently and reinforced with visual cues and physical cues. Hold her back if needs be. Use reins if you need to. It does sound like either ADHD or autism, both often come with a lack of danger awareness, impulsive behaviour and struggling to understand verbal communication of what is expected. Try using single words or simple sentences. Instead of "DD we need to stop because we are at the road now." Just "stop." Things like that

In the car could you use an iPad or give her some fidget toys? Snacks? If she is moving around pull over. It's better to be late than unsafe. I know it's so frustrating when they aren't doing what they need to, and scary too if it's making themselves or others unsafe, but it sounds like she needs more support to keep safe than other children would. Discipline should mean to teach not to punish, so teaching her how to do the safe things. Which can take a long time to do with a strong willed and/or SEN child. What kind of car seat are you using?

Have you asked her why she is so angry? She sounds like a very angry little girl and there will be a reason.

I've no idea what advice to give. I've literally never even had to raise my voice to my DD. My DS has SEN so can be a handful, but nothing like you've described. Just telling him he wont get 'treats' is usually enough to calm him. I dont take anything away from him though or punish him. Your situation is extreme, you need help. You need to go to your GP and let it all out.

We had one like this and life was very,very hard. She was very bright at school and didn’t misbehave there at all but as soon as she got home she would throw herself on the ground and have a tantrum. If it helps, she is now grown up and married with a family and turned out fine. She still sometimes says inappropriate

and tactless things to people but she is a good person, very creative. She married a man who is similar, they make a good pair. Also very bright and a prof at a university. I tried to avoid conflict with her as much as possible and even walked away off into the garden at times. Of course we shouted at her often enough but she didn’t really respond to that. I gave her certain responsibilities ( she was the eldest) and that was quite good, she took the youngest under her wing and taught her to draw and paint.

I haven't much advice I'm afraid but can totally empathise. My 6-turning-7-on-Friday year old DS sounds very similar in behaviour. He's on the waiting list for adhd assessment. I also have adhd.
School are supportive but he doesn't show much anger there, when he's frustrated at school he gets upset instead.
A couple of things that work sometimes with us is

1. Staying calm and not shouting back
2. Massive amounts of praise and incentives to behave well.

He does so much better when he is being rewarded for good behaviour. Even the tiniest thing.

Good luck, it's so damn hard