Sorry this is long
I have 2 boys, one turned 13 last week and the other is 14 in November. They share a room but they're both different personality wise. Eldest is loud whereas youngest is quieter and much more sensitive so their personalities clash especially now as they're going through puberty but they do have some of the same interests.
He started secondary school last year and struggled to fit in immediately, DS1 would say he would follow him around at lunch which he hated, he likes football but not playing it so he'd stand there watching them which DS1 would say was embarrassing. He then started saying he was “emo”, started listening to rock bands, wearing black, painting his nails , he tried to put eyeliner on, over the summer he tried to dye his hair black which didn't go well. It looked a mess so I had to help him finish it off.
I didn't judge him and I left him be as I thought it was a phase but its been going on for a year. He did become friendly with some boys from music/drama club but he still says he doesn't hang around with anyone at school, DS1 has backed this up and has said people do call him weird, he cares about how he looks a lot and especially his hair and a lot of the kids call him gay, I don't think he's being bullied and neither does DS1. He says the friends he's mentioned try to talk to him but DS2 tells them he doesn't want to hang around with them but then he tells me he was alone during break/lunch.
I try to spend time with him but most the time he complains that he wants to go home then when we do he says I hate him. The 3 of us went out for dinner and bowling yesterday and DS2 spent the whole time whinging that he wanted to come home his reasons were because he wanted to go on his game and listen to music. I told him no and he spent the whole time looking miserable. Then on the way to bowling he was saying he felt sick, I told him if he did then he couldn't play in his game anyway and he then started whinging again and said no one understands him/we all hate him. He refused to get out the car so we had to go home anyway so DS1 missed out. I took his controller and phone off of him and he shouted at me saying “See, you hate me/you don't understand me” and said he didn't want to live here anymore.
DS1 told him people would like him if he wasn't so weird which I did tell him off about. DS2 said no one understands how he feels and DS1 told me later on he said he was going to run away. This morning, he started crying because no one wants to work with him when they have to work in Pairs. I gave him his phone back for school and he wasn't upset anymore and was listening to his music. So I'm not sure if all the whinging/things he's saying is for attention or to get his own way but I'm starting to be at my wits’ end.
I've tried speaking to school and they have no concerns, all his teachers say he's happy and does well in their lessons but they were trying to encourage him to make friends. His form tutor spoke to him and he told him that he's not worried about anything and enjoys school.
I'm starting to get fed up with him and this behaviour. I don't hate him as he says but I don't like some of the behaviour, especially the constant whinging.
AIBU? And what do I do?!