Is my friend gaslighting me

[Octoberfest11]

I wonder... in a friendship is it ever ok to bring up negative feelings you've experienced from the relationship with the other person even if such things are just your misunderstanding (Or at least that's what you've been told). Should you always feel validated rather then told off for suggesting it. Even if I don't agree with someone I think I still try to see why the other person might be feeling that way and try to understand and reassure them.

Today I confronted a friend about some feelings I've had about they way they treated me in a certain situation and have left feeling ashamed and like the bad person. I ended up apologising profusely.

Can anyone give me examples of how they have been gaslighted in a close friendship/with a best friend and how they dealt with it. I'm confused.

Most people dislike confrontation and you may well have been thinking about the issue in question for a long time but it would have likely come as a surprise to your friend. Without any details it's very hard to know if you've been gaslit or not, so hard to comment on the situation.

I always think of gaslighting as being manipulative and making someone be a bit doubtful about what they're saying / doing?

It depends on the situation tbh and there's barely enough details to comment. They don't need to be there to validate your feelings all of the time and I think "confront" sounds like a strong way to do it, especially if you've been stewing on something and they had no idea?

What was the situation when they made you feel bad? I think that's what's key here, could be gaslighting or could be a difference of opinion.

Need more details. Could be your friend gaslighting you … or could equally be you being total unreasonable / in the wrong and offending your friend.

Could also be you have touched a nerve and didnt know it - this happened to me with a good and long term friend who was talking to me in a way that was winding me up. We ended up talking about it and this was helpful. Don think she was gaslighting, just we were on a different page.

Today I confronted a friend about some feelings I've had about they way they treated me in a certain situation and have left feeling ashamed and like the bad person. I ended up apologising profusely.

We need A LOT more information than this, and even then we still won't have both side of the story. I'm sure your friend's versions would be quite different than yours.

Without knowing what the disagreement was about, it's impossible to say whether your friend is gaslighting you, or whether you were being massively unreasonable and unfair in what you said to her.

It sounds from the little information you've given that you told her how she made you feel, but were then upset when she told you how you made her feel by bringing it up, so I'd say you're pretty even.

Should you always feel validated

Er, no?! Absolutely not. People don't have to validate your feelings/opinions if they think you're being unreasonable or unfair or over-sensitive. They're your friends, not your therapist. They're not there to nod their head and accept everything you say.

Was it gaslighting or did she just not agree with you? It’s hard to say without actually knowing the conversation.

Gaslighting is purposeful and manipulative. It turns the conversation around to your reaction rather than what they did. It makes you second guess yourself.