BF and I have been together under one year. I’ve met his parents, sister, and his brother (very briefly while in the car). His parents and sister absolutely adore me.
BF’s niece turns two on Sunday and HE invited me down to her birthday in London. We live in Manchester and would have to travel over four hours to get there, and BF suggested we leave after work on Friday. I would have to travel over an hour to get to BF as he works outside of Manchester (I would arrive around 7-730pm) and we would travel to London in his car, meaning we would arrive anytime between 11-1130pm.
Honestly, I’ve had a really long and stressful week in work thanks to it being the end of the month, and I’ve had such intense migraines I’ve vomited so the idea of travelling after work for that length of time while I’m typically in bed for 10-1030pm is frightening!
As far as I know and can make out, I wasn’t formally invited by either BF’s brother or wife. Apparently his wife invited us down DURING Summer and said there was a bed there but BF phrased it in the message to his brother that he “thinks” this is what was said, and I feel like I’m overstepping boundaries and being rude by staying in their house when I haven’t formally met them. What BF fails to realize is that they have to try accommodate his parents, his sister and her two children, and BF (they have a three bedroom house). BF refuses to get a hotel or look at any B&B options and insists it’s no big deal. Maybe men are different but I would’ve always checked with family before inviting someone and I know this wasn’t the case so I feel they’re perhaps pressured into accommodating for me.
I bought her a lovely gift and got his brother and wife some decent wine and chocolates, BF said that I “probably” spent too much on his family as he hasn’t even bought them anything yet but that it would’ve been “really rude of me to show up empty handed”. Let me tell you a story, BF only ever shows up empty handed. I feel this comment was unnecessary and has but a small bit of pressure on me!
BF said we would probably get drunk and play board games Saturday with his family but his nieces actual birthday party is Sunday. Here’s the thing, I’m afraid to drink around BF’s family because of an incident we had during Summer. I was on antibiotics, didn’t eat, and went to BF’s cousins leaving party but brought alcohol free drinks with me. By accident, BF’s cousin poured me a couple of drinks that weren’t the alcohol free ones I brought but instead loaded with alcohol. In her defence, they were similar cans and both Mojitos. I ended up blacking out and needing to go home almost as soon as we got to town, I couldn’t stop vomitting and BF was absolutely raging with me and we had a very big argument. It wasn’t until the next morning we figured out what happened when his cousin admitted she could’ve potentially given me plenty of alcohol that we made up, but BF decided to take it upon himself to tell me I would really need to limit what I drink around his family in future. Bearing in mind I never intended to drink. The other problem is we wouldn’t arrive home to Manchester until 10-1030pm Sunday and by the time I collect my own car and get home, I wouldn’t be in bed until midnight! I start work Monday at 9am but usually arrive early to the office to get a head start of my day.
I’ve voiced these concerns to BF and he said that I’m being silly, overthinking, and that everyone’s excited for me to come and would probably be asking where I was if I didn’t go. I’ve only met his family a handful of times so I doubt my impact was that big or that my presence would be that missed. He made a few jokes that his mother would be dissapointed if I didn’t attend, and I told him he was being manipulative and he laughed and said he knows but he really wants me there.
AIBU? The distance would’ve been manageable but BF only told me about the party last week meaning I didn’t have time to apply for a half day on Friday or late start Monday. I’m also having a rough week and BF is aware and I feel I just need to unwind and relax this weekend rather socialise and engage. I’m also concious of the alcohol aspect and have very big anxiety about this, I would only limit myself to two glasses of wine and not drink but I just can’t shake the anxious feeling off of me after the Summer incident and BF’s reaction. I feel like I can’t say no.