Talking to your tweens

5 replies

mariaonthepier · 26/09/2023 22:55

Ds has just started seniors and is on the cusp of puberty. There are a lot of changes going on for him. But since he started seniors he seems to have totally retreated into himself. He is getting on with things and doing well but he just seems so sad. I try to talk to him and ask if anything is bothering him but I just get nothing. we have always been close and I feel like he would have told me a few months back if there were any issues he was experiencing but now I don't know.

He is very tired and says he feels sick a lot and can't finish a meal. To me this screams anxiety. Again I'm hoping it's just the big changes he's going through with school and the new, much more taxing routine and responsibilities. And that as he gets used to it things will improve.

I guess I'm wondering how to keep communication open with kids this age without pestering them too much? Any tips would be great.

OP posts:

Ivebeentogeorgia · 26/09/2023 22:59

I find being specific helps with my 11 year old year 7 boy. If I say how was your day, I get nothing back. But if I be a bit more specific- what did you have for lunch? What was your best lesson today? What did you find tricky today? I get a bit more. But he hates me asking him question as soon as he’s home or if he feels interrogated so I try to ask in a casual way over dinner or something

MidnightOnceMore · 26/09/2023 23:01

It's really hard, and when they go quiet it's hard not to try even harder.

I think just modelling talking about worries and real life helps. Also doing things together like washing up/drying up gives small pieces of time together.

I'd ask a couple of innocuous questions each day like 'what was assembly on today?' or 'did PE go ok, I thought it might have been raining?' and see if you can just get something - anything! - started.

PollyPut · 26/09/2023 23:13

Has he just started senior school this month? Does he know many people? It's a huge change. Are you helping him get organised? This will reduce the anxiety

Original poster

mariaonthepier · 27/09/2023 07:07

PollyPut · 26/09/2023 23:13

Has he just started senior school this month? Does he know many people? It's a huge change. Are you helping him get organised? This will reduce the anxiety

Yes. He has made some friends and seems to be keeping on top of the homework. He's not been in trouble or anything but I know the longer days and the massive change in pace and environment will be affecting him.

I am helping him, maybe a bit too much. I just want him to be his old happy, silly self. It seems like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders but whenever I ask if anything's bothering him he just says he's fine.

OP posts:

PollyPut · 28/09/2023 13:49

The first half term of year 7 would explain it. It is hard. They get really tired. Earlier starts, probably longer journeys, new rooms to find at school 6 times a day moving around the school, trying to work out how to make friends and who they can trust, remembering sports kit and to go to the practice, working out which food they like, taking the correct books etc etc

I wouldn't worry unless you really think there is a need to. Support with organisation at home, ask if they have any tests coming up that he'd like practice revising with, where they go at break/lunch etc

Plan a lot of sleep at weekends and half term. Hopefully it will all come back

Flip