To think I shouldn’t have to bring our child to him in these circumstances?

[Lellu]

I co parent with someone who lives 200+ miles away. He moved for financial reasons and he sees our child when he can find the time (!) I was going to be in his city and offered to bring our child. He said he would be busy this weekend but to ask his mum. I said I would, I never got round to asking her, however he asked her on my behalf.

The friend I had plans that weekend with passed away. I still feel very in shock, I’ve not processed it. I told him I won’t be visiting. He told me he changed his plans now to see our child, I’m being selfish by not bringing our child. He said I didn’t know my friend was going to top herself so when was I going to make the plans for this weekend.

I feel like that is such a low blow and I usually do bring our child when I can but I just cannot right now. I cannot believe he’s being so cruel

Fuck him and the horse he rode in on.

he moved away. Visting his child therefore rests with him to arrange and finance.

You are no longer visiting his area. Story closed. If he wishes to collect his child seeing as he apparently now has time off - then he can crack in and make travel arrangements.

just grey rock and do a virtual lalalalalal when he says knobbish things.

I don’t know why but just using that language has just really gotten to me. It feels evil. It has just happened but who uses that to someone who has lost someone in that way

Presumably he knows where dc lives.. Your dc isn't a pizza to deliver when ex fancies playing at parenting...

I know this, I usually don’t mind taking dc to see his family, when I have plans there.

my friend has passed away and the friend I had plans with, I just was expecting for some compassion, some understanding. She had been through so much and I should have been there more for my friend.

Massive squishes on the loss of your friend @Lellu perhaps send him one message saying as it stands your arrangements have changed and if he wishes to arrange a visit to email you but for now you are coming away from communications to process your grief?

OP with respect, your ex moved away and barely sees his own child unless he can be arsed (or you facilitate the commute) - I am not sure why you expected anything like kindness, compassion or empathy from him. It’s really flipping obvious from the abandonment of his child, he’s not a nice, reasonable, genuine man. He’s a cunt.

Agree with OP, grey rock him.

I am really sorry for your loss x

Who are the 5% saying YABU?! Ofc you are not. He is being a prick and utterly ridiculous. Take some time to grieve and take care of yourself.

if he is free that weekend he can do the drive and take his child to allow you some headspace.

sorry for your loss x

thank you for your condolences. It doesn’t feel real right now. I feel all jumbled up. I haven’t even thought about cancelling our hotel, just all these plans and he expects me to continue for the weekend.

I don’t know why I expect that from him, sometimes I cannot even wrap my head around it. We only recently decided to end our relationship and making a go of it. I couldn’t even call what we do co parenting

He moved 200 miles away. Why are you going to the time and expense to travel? That should be his responsibility.

Honestly, fuck him. He moved so it's not down to you to put the effort into facilitating contact. Tell him it's not happening, conversation over. As he's freed up that weekend he can come to your area if he's that bothered.

Well he's just given you further confirmation, if it was needed, that you made the right decision not to have a relationship with the man. He's sounds bloody awful. As a pp said, fuck him and the horse he rode in on. I'd not even give him the satisfaction of responding

Tell him he’s more than welcome to collect his child for the weekend since he’s now cleared his plans, despite not initially wanting to do so. Then tell I’m that his response has given you a reason to reflect on current arrangements and moving forwards you won’t be facilitating any travel since he chose to move so far away from
his child and his response this weekend has highlighted how unreasonable he is and his lack of commitment to making the effort himself

Bloody moron, block him for as long as it takes you to recover . Selfish twat

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. I actually am really shocked at your child's dad's reaction, Jesus how low can a person go.