To buy my own cards and gifts for colleagues, and not contribute to collections

[DogFish654]

I work in a place with very frequent collections (high turnover so quite a lot of leavers, weddings, babies, big birthdays, etc)

It's always made me uncomfortable as it's a fairly blatant popularity contest. Also it's NHS, many people are on lower wages, and there is pressure to contribute.

More recently, it's also become apparent that at least some of those starting the collections aren't putting in anything themselves, but taking the credit for the gift bought with everyone else's money. There are a lot of requests to transfer to people's personal bank accounts, and at least one occasion when I'm pretty sure the money was pocketed and an unwanted present "regifted".

AIBU to just opt out of the whole thing and quietly buy a card and/or gift for people I am close to, when I want to?

Anyone else do the same, and if so, how do you handle it? We do get asked directly and have cards brought round, it's hard to say no. There is a definite implication that you're tight if you don't contribute.

YANBU. I've experienced similar. Many people who are happy to sign the card but won't contribute anything. But then again, at larger workplaces with a higher turnover you generally don't get a gift for every single birthday or person who leaves. Most often it's just a card.

Next time I would just say, No thanks, I've already got so and so a card.

No just say no you're getting them something from you

I opted out of this at the last place I worked because the presents that were bought were 'fun' things , aprons with boobs on , chocolate Willie's, fluffy handcuffs , tankards with "I am a twat when drunk " and other delightful gifts.
It was 50/ 50 male / female environment and both sets were as bad as each other.

I got call miserable, prude , boring etc when I refused.
I didnt work there long !

If I knew / liked the person I would get them a card / gift .

Yanbu. Also the nhs here and we get the people who put nothing in or put a pound in and then sign the card and take credit for the gifts others have spent time getting.

What's the answer to this though? My last workplace increased a lot in size over the years, and it felt like we were being asked to contribute to gifts relatively frequently. And some people were given gifts, whereas others weren't for the same birthday or whatever.

Thanks all.

@LuckOfTheDrawer my personal answer would just be for all collections at work to stop. I just think we can wish each other well for special occasions, and be kind and supportive colleagues, without this endless passing around of money.

Someone left recently and very explicitly (nicely) asked for no collection. Of course, the collection-aholics ignored this and started one anyway.

That's interesting - I nearly write that perhaps management could ban all collections etc., but I wondered whether I was being a misery.

@LuckOfTheDrawer We have had this too. In fact recently a colleague turned 40 and no collection was done but another colleague in the same team turned 40 a week later and a collection was done because it's a bit of a popularity contest and you may or may not know someone who likes you enough to start a collection.

I think maybe limit to leaving, weddings and children but then this reminds me of SATC when she says the single people don't get anything (I'm paraphrasing)