To struggle in group situations

[Ladiesleaveyourmenathome]

I recently joined a WhatsApp group which was created following a social media group of ladies looking to meet new friends.
One of the women created the group and suggested a meetup in a café one day. I went, and there were around 7 other women there.
It was a long table so was hard to speak to everybody, but I was sitting with 3 others.
They're all roughly the same age as me. Seemed friendly, but I then noticed that the two women opposite me wouldn't speak to me unless I spoke to them first.
They were polite but were more interested in the woman next to me, who was clearly very bubbly, outgoing and that sort of party-animal personality, she was quite comfortable in doing these 'crazy' voices, it's hard to explain but basically putting on voices right off the bat. She was nice to me but I felt I paled in comparison to her.
I can be shy and it takes me time to warm up to people, however I felt that I was friendly in this group, I showed an interest in them as well as giving anecdotes about myself. However I just didn't feel any interest reciprocated, and there were times when I was just looking at my phone as I felt out of place.
They also seem to be on a much higher budget than me judging by what they were ordering, which I'm aware can be a problem in friendship.
The group have organised another event soon, I'd like to go but I'm a bit worried I've already been written off by them. That said, I didn't get chance to speak to the other ladies on the table and maybe they'd be friendlier.
I'm not sure really, I think it's a shame that quieter people just aren't always given a chance. I've just started a new job and have had nice conversations with 2 women so that reassures me. Would you try again with this group or leave it?

I did mention that I showed interest in them. I certainly didn't give one word answers. Some people are hard work whether shy or not, but as I said I wasn't spoken to by them unless I spoke to them first.

If the group was set up with the primary intention of making friends, then it does make sense that people gravitated to the louder woman. The others probably thought that she would know other people and maybe if she was being entertaining with the voices it took the pressure off them to come up with stories, chat etc. It was rude of someone to have their back to you, but also if you then went on your phone they probably thought you’d checked out of the conversation. I’m fascinated by the behaviour of humans in groups, when they don’t know the other people. There must be some evolutionary thing going on, where certain people are more attractive socially (not me!)

OK. I'm quite quiet. I find group situations difficult and I am the quiet person.

But I never feel 'left out'. I prefer other people to take the lead and I can to react/respond to them. If you're laughing, bright and appear to be enjoying yourself, people will eventually talk to you too. It's just easier with people who are naturally more outgoing because they are leading it.

What I wil say is that there is a difference between people who are naturally quiet and those who have created an internal narrative assuming others are ignoring them/are 'better' than them etc. Your posts are quite negative which might be understandable if you are feeling down thinking about it right now but that negativity can be perceptible to others.

Your assumption that they'd waited until you'd gone before taking a photo rather than the more natural assumption that they were taken at the end of the meet suggests that maybe you weren't as relaxed and natural during the meet as them. Esp as you ended up on your phone.

As the quiet person, I've also been targeted by the 'negative' quiet person in the group and I don't want to talk to them either. But a quiet person who is engaged and still enjoying it - not a problem.

I would think about how you are perceived by others. It's not about giving the quiet person a chance. It's about everyone being there because they want to enjoy themselves.

I said I wasn't spoken to by them unless I spoke to them first.

Nobody speaks to me either until I speak to them first. I am not waiting around for that. I just speak first.

And they weren't waiting to take the photo without you. We always take photos at the end of the meet. Whoever sticks around is in the photo.

Yes I understand, but I mean they were sitting opposite me and apart from at the very start they didn't seem to have any curiosity about me.
I felt that I was smiling and happy but I suppose my body language would've changed once I started to feel ignored.
Anyway I am giving it another go.

Yes, maybe next time you can move to the other women. In a group setting, there will always be certain people you get along with better than others. I always get along with people who read, for instance.

Anyway I am giving it another go.

Glad to hear it!

Thank you !

I think you're possibly over analysing the situation and were comparing yourself to the girl you sat next to too much.
Next time chat to some of the other girls there and enjoy listening if someone takes the limelight. friendships can take awhile to build.
As long as you're friendly and engage you're doing all you can! Don't put pressure on yourself.

I have social anxiety and I am my own worst enemy.