AIBU to stop gifts now?

[PettinessBetty]

I am the youngest of all my siblings by quite a bit. They had DC early and I had mine later, so the age gap is quite large. I have a lot of nieces and nephews, and some of them have DC of their own now. So, you can imagine how much I’ve spent on newborns, birthdays and christmases.

My DC are still early and late teens.

From the get go, my family have not reciprocated the efforts I’ve made, to my DC. When my eldest was born, one of my siblings didn’t buy a gift or send a card till they were 6 months old. There are no financial issues, and I’m not being grabby. Out of all of us, I probably have the least money.

My DC had a milestone birthday a few weeks ago and he got a card off one, and nothing from the others, let alone a present. They didn’t acknowledge my other DC’s birthday either. No falling out or anything, just a case of head up own arses.

I’d already started buying Christmas presents for the smallest in the family, and spent £100 so far on them. I took them all back and got the money back.

I don’t want to say anything as last time I did I was called petty and told I’d thrown my toys out the pram. I’m planning on saying nothing at all, and letting Christmas pass, and if anyone comments I’ll just say “oh, thought we weren’t doing gifts anymore”.

Oh, forgot.

AIBU?
I don’t usually take my adult stuff out on kids.

Sounds like a plan to me. You actually should have stopped much, much earlier.

That’s what my DH says

Yep do that. That’s me this year after a massive family fallout last year with the same issue. I’m done with spending money on people that I try to buy stuff they will really like and all we get back is tat!

My Christmas list just halved.
I feel so light.

We stopped years ago - the only part where you are unreasonable is that you let it go on for so long.

I also feel really shit because my DH’s brothers and parents all made a massive fuss of my child, and they got nothing from my side. I’m embarrassed.

Do you all meet up? Could you suggest a family secret santa for all adults (over 18?) Even if people don't go for it it might be a useful way to start a conversation.

Sounds like eeveone else stopped doing presents a long time ago?

So they not buy for your kids at Xmas or do they remember Xmas but not birthdays?

Nope YANBU.

It still slightly pisses me off that I manage to send cards to my adult nieces (and families) just fine, but my cards are from my sister with the whole family's name in.

Same thing used to happen with gifts. So I'd end up spending a couple of hundred and get 1 £40 present for my Xmas/birthday present. (Jan bday).

So I bought all their DC until 21, now they’re DC who are young.

My DC sometimes got something, sometimes didn’t. Depends if they remembered. It is the milestone birthday being missed that I’m pissed off about.

I just felt bad taking out my grump on 3-year olds.
I feel better now. No strop. Just, “thought we weren’t doing gifts any more”, if they ask.

It goes deeper than this though. We went to one of my nieces weddings recently. Bought a decent present. When it came to the photos we weren’t included in the family photo, but girlfriends of partners were (who are now no longer on the scene).

I just fee disrespected and a bit shat on.

I’m the same, had kids last out of my siblings - always bought their kids gifts for birthdays and christmases but when it came to mine they just weren’t arsed so I’ve stopped now. It’s annoying as I tried even before I had kids to do a kriskindle type arrangement and one of my sisters who’s super grasping and completely domineering was having none of it, cue me traipsing around shops for my 10 nephews and nieces every Christmas trying to guess what my 13 year old nephews who I rarely see might like

Yes op sure there no end to them. I few godkids too. Im keeping it small now as have college fees. My husb side some never say thanks so I stopped after that.

Op, you are definitely doing tge right thing. The 3 year olds won't know any difference.

Apart from this I'm totally with you.
The gift giving gets silly if you start with the extended family of a brother in law.

I'm also cutting back but letting people know now so they don't buy for us. I'm saying we're cutting right back to save on money and buying stuff no-one needs so please don't buy for us either.

Not that some of them were going to but my conscience is clear.