To speak to the safeguarding lead about DS4?

[jswaw]

I posted previously about ExDP not brushing DS teeth in the evenings he has him and not doing his (mixed race, very curly) hair, leaving it matted and damaged. DS often comes home with his bag and clothes smelling of cannabis.

I have also heard through mutual friends that he lets DS sit watching the tv/playing on the Xbox for hours and hours at a time, not interacting with him.

On the last post, quite a few people suggested speaking to the safeguarding lead at the school about it. Is this a good idea?

I don't like the idea of social services getting involved (I know this probably wouldn't be necessary, but still).

AIBU to contact them or is it pointless? I don't know what to do.

I think they would possibly make a safeguarding referral. I'm not sure what else school could do here.

As you are both adults then communicate with him?

I would speak to the school.

Its possible that they have already noticed, but by going in and speaking to them you are making it clear that you are concerned too, which is a good thing.

A four year old smelling of cannabis is probably going to warrant a social services referral I'm afraid. The thing is, they're not likely to take any action, and your ex will know that it's you who raised the issue. Unless the ex sends your son to school like it, on which case you could probably talk to them and maybe they could make a point of noticing it themselves.

School would refer to social services anyway so you may as well bite the bullet and go to them direct.
Better to come from you than a third party anyway as shows that you are being proactive in caring for your son's well-being.
Is he old enough to tell you what's going on?

Is the contact ordered by the court? If not, are you sure you want to continue his dad having overnights? Could you call the NSPCC and ask if his behaviour amounts to neglect?

It would be more useful to raise it with family court to adjust contact arrangements into something dad can manage without getting stoned on duty. You could inform school safeguarding that this is your plan and ask openly if they have anything else relevant to raise to cafcass meaning that you ought to direct them to school.

I have. Thanks for the pointless input based on your misguided assumptions, though.

Thank you so much for your comments everyone.

This sounds like good advice.

Hopefully school will take it seriously if you decide to report. Four year olds shouldn't be exposed to drug taking and they shouldn't be in the care of someone doing drugs either.

Drugs are one of the few things SS come down really hard on usually, so ignore the stoners trying to downplay the issue here and report it. The school will have probably noticed the smell as well and you also want to get in before they jump to any conclusions that it's coming from your house.

If you tell them he smells of cannabis then yes they will refer to social care. They may suggest you do this yourself too. If you tell them you are concerned he isn't dealing with his hair and he watches too much TV then that is a parenting issue. They will note it but will likely suggest you discuss this with his father. I think you need to think carefully about the possible outcomes before acting. School will be concerned about safety. Thresholds in social care are high but that doesn't mean they won't assess. What will your ex do in this scenario? What is your ideal outcome? Some might say that if you are concerned about ex's drug use you could stop visits and apply to the court.

You can’t be that naive. But I guess you are that condescending.