Debts-his or ours?

[Stressedgiraffe]

Dh has a lot of debt over £20k he thinks could be more. He stopped paying any debts when he quit his job last year. He's had a job since but was sacked after 4 months. He hasn't worked in 6 months. He is finally signing on.

Anyway I can just pay for everything but have nothing spare for his debts.
He's spoken to a charity and they can help but need all my financial info too. They said I'll need to pay of his debts.
I don't want to. I have some of my own and the cost of everything I have nothing spare.
Aibu to think he needs to have a plan that doesn't involve me paying them?

Op, I you do not have to disclose your income if he decides to go down the iva route. Simply write a letter to him saying that the debts are his alone, I you will not disclose your income and that you will not support him and expect him to pay 50% of household costs.

What was the money spent on? Family holidays and car repairs or golf clubs and nights out with the boys?
If you both benefited from it shouldn’t you work together to clear the debt, if he’s just been feckless it’s obviously different

Op did he keep the entire debt secret?
I couldn’t stay with someone that was so untrustworthy. I would be asking him to leave, severing all joint accounts etc.

You are now staring at a very bleak future of bankrolling a total loser with no prospects or career. Nope: I would be out.

I don't really know. Computers phones clothes and general living I think .
I thought that the money recently was salary so I guess I did spend it too

You shouldn't be liable unless in both your names.

However he really needs to take some work any work to get paying off his debts.

Why would you want to stay?

with a man like this.

Tell him to move out, get the tenancy moved into your name only. The debts are in his name, he is responsible. He has lied to you. He can pay the minimum from his benefits. You are paying for everything else anyway, it will be cheaper without paying for him too.

We have a relatively good life, animals and teenagers.
Once the dds have grown up I'll look again but as I wasn't working when they were babies and he supported me I guess it's my time to support him now.

I would get rid of him. He sounds like a loser.

What? He had no intention of working again, are you seriously staying together?

He's applying for jobs but I think his age is going against him so I'm not hopeful

My exh did this in his name and ran up about £80k in debt his debt advisors suggested that I help pay the debts off. The advisors was told where to go with that idea and I divorced dh.
He was always complaining about being broke but could easily finance his drink problem, funny that.
When Blockbusters went bust he brought up about 300 videos for £50, then during the divorce told my solicitor I had got rid of his video collection that he had built up over several years and I was expected to reimburse him for £2k. The cheeky shit had sent them to charity and apparently was laudded over for being so bloody generous - WTAF ? I contacted the charity and the manager wrote a note confirming for my solicitor. Ex got nowt of anything as we were married less than a year and the house was in my name.😛
Sorry OP got carried away, as you were with your cfer.👋

An IVA is inappropriate because you rent. He should look into a debt relief order or bankruptcy but also put proper effort into working. How old is he and what experience does he have?

That's not comparable. He may have "supported" you financially but you were also supporting him by looking after your joint children. The alternative would have been a full-time nanny paid by you both. In contrast, the current situation is on him and him alone - how did you benefit from him lying about his position? There may be mitigating mental health reasons but that would take couples therapy to unravel.

I didn't realise that he couldn't do an IVA.
Job wise he has 25 years experience in IT but the market is dead atm.
He's had some interviews but then tumbleweed...

She said above that the money went on general living (probably) and that they had a good quality of life with animals and kids presumably well cared for. So is DH a feckless looser or was he trying to provide an unsustainable lifestyle? It sounds a bit like he’s been foolish but perhaps well intentioned. The unemployment bothers me though, in his situation he should be willing to do whatever it takes to contribute

With every comment he sounds worse. Get rid asap !

Probably an unsustainable lifestyle. Going from 2 incomes to one is v difficult.

Has he considered applying with a US based company? Some allow people to work remotely within the UK. Alot of IT jobs are open to remote working anyway which would cut down on any travel costs. He probably just needs someone to look over his CV and give advice on updating it. I wouldn't be paying any of this debt though

I don't think he's looked at us companies but it's a thought.
Maybe a cv review would be good.

It's not that he can't do an IVA, more that it's unlikely to be the best solution as it's intended to be an alternative to bankruptcy for homeowners.

They involve a lot of fees which makes it less likely to be accepted by creditors as they get less debt paid back.

If he's a candidate for an IVA as a non homeowner he might as well go bankrupt as he'll only have to pay towards it for 3 years not 5.

Has he looked at IT in the civil service? We find it hard to recruit because the pay is poor compared to the private sector but secure and decent pension, flexible hours etc.

Thanks I've actually just found a civil service job he could do. He's going to apply tomorrow

No, some incorrect replies on here.

Unless in joint names you are most definitely not responsible for his debts. The charity shouldn't have told you that.

However they can affect your credit history and will form part of any divorce settlement.