to move schools?

[Barbiefan]

We are in the midst of making a big decision (moving an hour away from where we currently live). On paper it makes sense to move. However, my DC have only ever known where we currently live, have friends here and attended the school where they go since they were three. We rent our house but I’ll be so sad to not live here anymore. The area is awful, house is too small, DD(9) needs her own room away from DS, very little prospects here etc. I can’t shake the feeling of sadness at leaving the house and am panicking that if we move and it doesn’t work out, I’ve uprooted my children for nothing.
has anyone done this and moved kids out of school? Both are in KS2. I’m so torn!

You're not uprooting them for nothing. Whether it works out well or not you have perfectly good and normal reasons for moving. They'll be fine. They can keep in touch with old friends although that tends to naturally fade out over time at that age.

Thank you.
At the moment they “hate” DH and I for taking them away from friends even though we can see that a move will give them a better lifestyle they can’t see this and are so upset with us that it’s making us doubt what we are doing!

I think you need to move them tbh, otherwise you’re going to be doing a 2 hour round trip at drop off and the same for pickup. That’s just not very sustainable. I also think it’s important that your children make new friends locally, that way you can start to build up a new network. Try and get involved in your new community and embrace the change - it’ll help you settle. I know it’s hard, but you’re moving quite a distance so it’s not really feasible to continue with your current life exactly as it is now. Moving your children now will also likely help with transition to secondary school because they’ll already have friends.

DH was so upset about what DC had said about it that he’s now worried about moving at all. We are still in our current area not moving until Christmas. Feel like a terrible mum!

Oh I see. That's an unusually extreme reaction from 9 year olds. And your and DH's reaction is a little ott too you know. You're beating yourself up way too much. Children move all the time at that age. Their friendships might seem permanent to them, but how many people retain the same friends they had at 9 through adulthood?

If you do want to compromise, could you just move out of the dodgy area far enough, but keep them in the current school? Does it have to be an hour away or nothing?

Why would you not move-for a better family future by the sound of it- based on what your 9yo is saying? Friendships change around secondary school anyway, it’s more important that the whole family benefit from your move and that’s a decision for you and DH. Plus, an hour away is hardly cutting off their past friendships, you could easily still see people at weekends and holidays (think you’d discover then if they are true friends or not). Enough of the mum guilt 💐 it sounds like your DH is making decisions you’re not happy with, whilst you’re trying to do what sounds much better for your kids, you might feel much worse in future if you don’t make the move now.

Now is the right time to move so your settled prior to secondary applications for your 9 year old. Commit to making the effort with current friends at weekends/holidays/ sleepovers and they will settle and make new friends soon.

You would be better moving them. It will be easier for them to make friends in new area if they attend the local school.

Keep pushing the positives while gently acknowledging the negatives because the children do need to be heard.

A few visits to the new area with picnics in new parks, an activity or two, a driveby of the new school should all help to build momentum.

But both adults and children move house and school, even whole continents, all the time and they manage well.