To want this Mum to step in and do something about her DS.

[TravellingSpoon]

I have taken my DS to a sports club for children with a physical disability for a while now, about 5 years, give or take some time for Covid.

The premis has always been that siblings are able to join in, and previously my own DD would join in, but she doesnt attend now. Not many siblings do, but the option is there.

Recently, a new family has started. 2 children, the DD has a similar disability to my son, but uses a walking frame. Her brother also attends and is obviously very sporty. I would say he is about 8 or 9. The issue is he is so good, that he is ruining the game for everyone. So for example, he will play in goal but is able to stop all the goals from going in, or he will play infield, and is able to tackle the ball away very easily, and then belt the goal in over and over. He dominates the whole game and noone else gets a look in.

The volunteers that have run the club for ages have tried to get him to do some skills practice off to one side, ut he always ends up coming back to the main game. Some of the parents, including myself, have mentioned it to his Mum, but she has said that she cant help it if he is competitive.

AIBU to think that she should say something to him and get him to either not join in, or not completely dominate the game.

The volunteers need to tell her

Oh that's awful.

Seems unfair to leave it to the volunteers to have to deal with it as well - she absolutely should be dealing with it.

But if she's not, then yes, sadly, the volunteers will have to say something to her. You might have to say something to them?

How shitty of her to put them in that position. And you. And the poor kids

I’d speak to the volunteers making clear it had gone beyond a joke.

yes they are volunteers but it is their role.

how she can be so blind to how others feel about it I don’t know!

At that age he should be able to understand it is not appropriate for him to join in the game with the other children. Could they occupy him as a helper or coach or referee etc?

Yes, she absolutely should be saying something to him, but as she’s not accepting it from you or any of the other parents, then you need to approach the volunteers and ask them to speak to her. It’s not going to be much of a group if people stop going because their children aren’t having fun anymore.

Could he play in goal but no hands or something to even things up slightly?

Does he even have a physical disability? If not, then they need to change it to exclude siblings. The mum should be told to keep him off.

YANBU. He's basically an able bodied kid in a club specifically made for disabled children and he's ruining the club for the children it's actually meant to be for. She needs told, very firmly.

God OP that is really awful. May have to do a parent group approach and say that you are all withdrawing your children unless this stops as there is no value to them attending. Surely his mum must have a bit more self-awareness than this?

Best thing to do might be for the group organisers to change it to no siblings then.

He obviously needs to go to his own football club (although he might already) but if he already does then surely he can understand these children need their own football club

Parents who say things like 'I cannot stop his competitiveness' are making excuses. There is nothing wrong with having a competitive spirit, but you also have to know how to control it - she needs to teach him that, and until he can learn himself then impose control on him! I wonder what happens to her other child at home - is the sibling's uncontrolled competitiveness allowed to spoil everything too? If you have spoken to her and she's not taking it on board then you probably will have to speak to the volunteers who run it, though surely they can also already see what is happening? Siblings need to be either no longer included, or only included if they can understand that their role is not to win or be the best but to help the other disabled children have fun and be their best.

No, he doesnt.

I will speak to the volunteers next week. DS has gone from being super excited about it to wavering on not going because he isnt enjoying it any more. It has definitely taken the fun out of it.

It appears she doesnt. I just cant imagine not being mortified if my DD acted like this once, let alone week after week.

They need to introduce a new cutoff age for siblings - maybe 5 or 6?

They need to say 'no siblings'. His parent must be utterly stupid not to see how unfair this is. I am embarrassed for her!

I think that's way out of line of the other mum!

I'd bring it up with the volunteers. She needs to stop bringing him, or if she does keep bringing him, he can't join in.

When my lad was 8 or 9 (and a sporty competitive kid) he would have no trouble adapting his game to play with those less able or younger than him.

In fact, they always loved it because he would ham up how good they were and how great their skills were and how he was trying so hard and they were beating/so close to beating him.

I'd say that was normal, kind behaviour and more appropriate for this activity. Have the organisers have a word!

I think they should change the rules and make it for children only with disabilities.

You would hope that siblings without disability would know not to dominate the games, but not all children have well enough developed skills to manage this. So clearly the rules need to change to ensure the children the club is designed for are properly able to access it without being put off by a sibling’s behaviour.

I'd say to volunteers that your son doesn't really want to come anymore because the abled bodied child is dominating the game

If it continues I'd address the parent loudly and ask her to remove her son from the game as he is spoiling it for all the other kids