My ex partner has never met our daughter (I left him in pregnancy after I couldn’t cope anymore with the silent treatment etc). Baby wasn’t planned but we were planning to ttc the year after she was born so I didn’t think it was problematic, though obviously a shock to us both. DD was two last week. He has been in regular contact since she was born. Every few weeks there’s a text making small talk, ‘hope Dd is enjoying herself,’ then more chat about weather etc. No commitment to see her, nothing of actual substance in the messages. He does pay maintenance.
The abuse bit… if I dare to say anything he doesn’t like such as ‘why haven’t you seen dd, what a low thing to do as a parent’ or ‘will you increase maintenance to help with nursery cost,’ or ‘why are you texting making small talk if you haven’t seen dd,’ he ignores the question and says he ‘thought he could trust me’ and if I start making accusations about him he will report me… ?!
I’ve never once said I would make accusations about him, I’ve only ever called him out on being a shit dad. I’ve engaged with his messages as I hoped he would eventually see her, be decent towards her etc. I am getting so sick of the back and forth but honestly my nerves are shot when I feel I can’t say anything with any degree of honestly in case he makes threats. Is this abuse? Is he crazy?! He is very educated and intelligent, I almost can’t fathom how he can react in this strange way. This has been going on now for two years, I’m sick of it. I want him to either see Dd or cut contact with me for good. I’ve no idea why he would be in touch but never see her? I don’t want to be the person who cuts contact as I feel I would be cutting him off for dd and that doesn’t sit well with me. But I am exhausted of tiptoeing round him.