To not want to leave kids home alone?

[GreenDancingKitten]

I’ve been doing a dance class for a while once a week, it’s the only thing that is for me. It’s term time only, and over the summer while I wasn’t going my DH started playing football on the same night of the week. He said it was just a few weeks and wouldn’t disrupt my class. Now he wants us to both go out and leave out DD12 and DS9 home alone (7.30-9.15pm on a school night).

I get that the football is good for him and he isn’t suggesting I should give up my dance - but I really am not comfortable with leaving the kids at this time. He thinks it’s fine. We’d both be leaving our phones at the side where we might not hear if kids ring too.

We’ve left the eldest home alone for a few hours sometimes now she’s in high school, that’s usually her letting herself is after school if we’re both working in office on same day. The youngest we’ve left in her care for short bursts of time (10 mins or so). They’re both sensible and well behaved but it doesn’t feel right to leave them at bedtime at this age (youngest especially).

They are too young. Eldest might be ok depending on them but expecting them to be in charge of 9yo? Dark winter evenings ? No way!

Not sure if this is real?

If it is then no of course it's not ok.

Your gut is telling you no so go with that.

They are too young and he IBU as you had that evening booked first.

I assume he is hoping you will give up your hobby.

I'd be pretty furious with him for undermining an agreement in this way.

Too young

Too young. Get a babysitter. A proper one, not a 12 year old.

Not for nearly 3 hours OP.

Could you alternate weeks?

Even if they were “safe” I wouldn’t do this on a regular basis on a school night. At that age my DC had homework that I supervised (loosely) and music practise and dinner…and if we had all that done by 7.30 (unlikely as often only getting home from after school activities at 6pm) then they would need some unwinding and chatting to me.

when dh and I had a week night clash like that (or more likely I wanted to go out as dh not home from work) we would get a babysitter; usually just a local student who was happy to be paid for 2 hours for a short job.

I mean if you had to nip down to the shop for 10/20 minutes okay. But not for that length of time.
Isn’t that round about the youngest’s bedtime? So they’d have to put themselves to bed? Bit depressing for them too. Especially if it’s avoidable.

Yep. Baby sitter, and he should pay!

Ask around your friends / neighbours / colleagues if anyone has a 6th former who would come and sit with them to earn a few quid.

If you can't find anyone, then your dh has to give up as yours was already in place first.

He might find that one of his footballing team mates has an older dc who might do it, if he asks.

If they're happy to be left then I don't see a problem.

I assume he is hoping you will give up your hobby.

I wondered that also. Agree with posters saying get a babysitter - and DP should equally share the cost of this. 🌹

Why on earth wouldn't you get a babysitter? I assume that's what you've done so far whenever you've both been out?

I grew up with minimal supervision. My parents were completely fine with my going off to a pretty hostile country for a year at 16. If I wanted to sleep outside in a tent for weeks, they were OK with that.

However, they would never, ever leave me and my sibling at home alone at 12 (or 13 or 14). I think they started going on 20-minute trips to the shop when I was 15.

Honestly, I think they made the right decision. I absolutely would have ended up burning the house down or breaking something. Or the local creeps would have taken note that my parents were gone.

I recently returned to the UK after years overseas and have no idea what the law is about leaving kids at home, but in three different countries where I lived previously, it would be illegal to leave a 13-year-old home alone.

You need to stand up to your husband. If your dancing came first, then you should see out the season (i.e., he doesn't get to do his activity that clashes with your dancing). Renegotiate once your current season is over.

I would have left mine at that age occasionally, but that is because we live in a village with two sets of neighbours who would have been happy to be on call if there was any kind of emergency or if the kids got a bit nervous.

When she was 12, my daughter used to baby sit our neighbour's daughter (who adored her), but only on the understanding that I was at home and would be a 30 second walk away if anything went even a little wrong.

It can work if there is an adult nearby on the end of a phone.

Too young. I'd do this now with my 15 year old but not 12 and 9. Going to the shops in the daytime for half an hour, fine. Not an evening out.

I’m surprised by some of these posts. Your parents wouldn’t have left you in the house for 20 minutes when you were 14? Seriously?!

I was planning an evening out with my dh leaving my 2dc’s 15&13 until half 10 ish. They’re sensible kids, it would be a weekend so they wouldn’t go to bed earlier than that anyway 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't do it with mine (same ages)
I have once or twice left them to walk 5 mins to collect takeaway but nit fir hours in the evening.
I leave the 12 yo for a couple of hours while 9 yo is doing gymnastics and she's fine - super sensible and still home by 8:30

Their too young to leave for that amount of time.

You started yours first and he said his was 'only a couple of weeks'

He's BU

I'd be uncomfortable leaving a 9 year old that late unless it was summer and light for most of it. 10 and in year 6 I would likely be okay with it, or if the older child was a teenager. I wouldn't consider a 12 year old to be a babysitter so I would be considering the children separately.

What year is DS? Our DS is 9 soon to be 10 and would enjoy that time. Can you get a smart watch so they can text you and you can read the message if needed.

Surely the 12 year old gets herself home from school and DS is in year 5 so will be in 18 months time maximum?

Do you think it's a coincidence that he found a football thing that was on the same evening as your dance thing?

Is there a very local friend or relative who would agree to be on call if you can not keep your phone on you?

Only 20mins at 15?! That's ridiculous.
OP I think yours are still a bit too young. Mine are now in year 9 and 7 and I haven't yet left them for that long in the evening but plan to fairly soon.
Your DH needs to step up I'm afraid.