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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I've got any chance of getting this job with a criminal record?

188 replies

Ravenalasia · 25/09/2023 16:12

Hi, I applied for a Teaching Assistant job recently and the school phoned today to offer me an interview on Wednesday.

They then emailed me the self disclosure form which I've returned with the convictions on that the accompanying flow chart said I had to disclose... am I going to be laughed out of the interview?

Convictions: harassment charge which resulted in me getting a restraining order and having to pay costs to the victim (my ex) plus a caution (basically phoned him too much, was cautioned then kept ringing out of desperation and he went to the court to do an ex parte affidavit thing and I ended up with the harassment charge. Pleaded guilty obviously. This was 9 years ago. Also a caution for battery as we got into a fight the previous day (it was an abusive relationship)

I also had another incident of criminal damage with another abusive ex; he locked me out of his house at 3am whilst pregnant and I basically kicked at the cat flap to get his attention as he still had my purse in the house, damaging the door in the process.

So. I deeply regret all incidents obviously and have since been diagnosed and medicated for generalised anxiety disorder but are these incidents 'too' bad for me to be able to explain away?

How do I even explain them, as I'm worried if I say it the way I have done above, it sounds like I'm victim blaming?

Thanks in advance for any and all advice!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Hanlonsamazer · 25/09/2023 18:54

PrincessHoneysuckle · 25/09/2023 17:06

Criminal record of any kind means no employment at the school i work at

No it doesn’t. Don’t be silly.

Radiohat · 25/09/2023 18:58

I hope that they give you a chance to explain - abusive relationship often leads to the weaker person having a criminal record. After 9 years you deserve a chance. I would be honest and explain you were living a different life in a far different situation. Good luck

Hanlonsamazer · 25/09/2023 19:00

Ravenalasia · 25/09/2023 18:37

Just wanted to add; not that it makes any difference now but people keep talking about me disclosing or not disclosing the convictions - I have disclosed them on the self-disclosure form that I was sent after I was offered the interview today, I emailed it back immediately as my interview was Weds and the form needs to be in 24 hours before the interview.

I'll email tomorrow and withdraw my application.

Thanks again everyone.

Don’t withdraw based on the made up responses of posters here!!

greenteaandchai · 25/09/2023 19:00

I know a teacher with a Class B drugs charge, she was fine.

greenteaandchai · 25/09/2023 19:01

Don’t withdraw!! I know many teachers and quite a few have random charges, many spent, stupid offences. Don’t listen to the lies in this thread. It is not an immediate no.

Original poster
Ravenalasia · 25/09/2023 19:12

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 25/09/2023 18:53

If you've been doing voluntary work at a school you should have been DBS checked for that, and presumably that went okay or they wouldn't have let you do it. I agree it doesn't look good, but unless you try you'll never know. Be completely open and honest about it and see what they say. If they decide it's a deal breaker you haven't actually lost anything. You've done quite a lot since the convictions to prove yourself. Maybe it's too recent at the moment, but who knows what may change in the future. Well done for turning your life around.

Yes, I had an enhanced DBS for working in the school and was never asked about anything on it, then another one for the homelessness charity volunteer work in 2015, so only a few months after the last conviction and after explainantion they were fine with it.

This feels different, maybe because it's paid work, I don't know.

OP posts:
BiscuitsandPuffin · 25/09/2023 19:12

Ravenalasia · 25/09/2023 17:04

Whilst I can see the point you're trying to make, I've had disagreements with many people and haven't been violent.

Both former relationships were abusive; one with a man who physically and emotionally abused me including whilst I was pregnant with his child and the second wad a man who lovebombed me, moved me in after my house wad broken into and then decided to ask me to leave the same day as his daughter moved in. I ended up homeless and my children being taken to live with their dad as I was literally on the street...it was that, I think, that triggered me phoning my ex begging him to speak to me and turned up at his door for him to let me in, offer me a bath and let me stay the night then the next morning engineered an argument that ended in a fight where he was on top of me and had the upper hand, only to roll off me and hit his head on the floor as his daughter walked in.

Anyway. I'm not excusing my behaviour but there is a lot to the story and I really don't have anger issues.

No. You clearly have internalised this as the excuse and many women will accept it but honestly this is not acceptable behaviour under these circumstances and I'd be deeply concerned that it happened in 2 separate relationships.

I'm sure there are plenty of men charged with battering their girlfriends, harassing them, and smashing their homes up, and that they have exactly these sort of well-rehearsed excuses. Only it's "my ex GF was crazy" rather than "my ex BF was abusive". I also don't think GAD even goes a millimetre to explaining this behaviour, if you'd been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and had done a DBT course I would feel totally differently about your risk level but as it stands I just wouldn't.

I also notice you said this: "which I've returned with the convictions on that the accompanying flow chart said I had to disclose"
Which strongly implies by omission that there was more that you haven't mentioned because the flowchart said you don't have to disclose it.

It will all come out in the wash when they do a DBS and I'm honestly shocked that other people have let you volunteer and otherwise insert yourself into a role working with vulnerable people. I would remove my children from a group involving adults with this sort of background. If you had any sense of decency you wouldn't even apply for this job.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 25/09/2023 19:14

As an aside, when someone made me homeless at 2am when I was 18, I didn't beat them up, I didn't harass them, I didn't smash their cat flap. I just left. My main concern was finding somewhere to sleep not losing my shit at someone. That's the appropriate response and your responses imply strong emotional dysregulation not explained by GAD.

2weekstowait · 25/09/2023 19:14

It will be an enhanced DBS check but I would have thought it would depend if they saw any possible risk or not. They are obviously going to be very cautious, but I think you should explain and not withdraw regardless.

Trebormints74 · 25/09/2023 19:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Blueeyedmale · 25/09/2023 19:23

Never say never OP I have an extensive criminal record from my past and disclosed my convictions,when they do an enhanced DBS check in a role like that they are looking at convictions that would put the vulnerable at risk,my job I come into contact with children everyday,yes I'm not working with them directly but I have to have an enhanced DBS check for my role,honesty is always the best policy op good luck with the application

OliveWah · 25/09/2023 19:25

I would go for the interview and take @Namechangesept's advice when discussing the offences, when they ask. If this is a job you really want, and you are confident that you're otherwise an excellent candidate, then it's worth doing the interview and seeing what happens. If you don't try, you'll never know!

Bluebellsbells · 25/09/2023 19:44

The battery charge is the most me that will prevent you from getting the job. Any violent convictions will prevent you from working with children.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/09/2023 20:03

are these incidents 'too' bad for me to be able to explain away?

They certainly would have been when I was recruiting (HCPs rather then education, though I'd expect a school to be equally careful)

Even taking each case on its merits, the whole point is that there were always plenty of applicants who didn't have convictions for violence, so I'm afraid any who did stood very little chance

Poppysmom22 · 25/09/2023 20:09

Ill be honest you sound like you can't control your temper. I wouldn't want you within ten mins of my nonverbal autistic nephews

toolate2 · 25/09/2023 20:21

None of the offences were against children, there should be second chances for people. I have no experience of whether a school would take you on but I sincerely hope the are open minded and listen to why the incidents happen. Being pregnant hormones are all over the place and I am sure many of us have been unreasonable during that period. Heartbroken over a relationship break up, desperation makes us do things out of character. Good luck, I hope you get your chance x

Hanlonsamazer · 25/09/2023 20:22

BiscuitsandPuffin · 25/09/2023 19:14

As an aside, when someone made me homeless at 2am when I was 18, I didn't beat them up, I didn't harass them, I didn't smash their cat flap. I just left. My main concern was finding somewhere to sleep not losing my shit at someone. That's the appropriate response and your responses imply strong emotional dysregulation not explained by GAD.

Edited

Gosh. Aren’t you clever. Didn’t learn any humility from your experiences did you.

Namechangesept · 25/09/2023 20:32

This thread makes me think of that Aldous Huxley quote - “To be able to destroy with good conscience, to be able to behave badly and call your bad behavior 'righteous indignation' — this is the height of psychological luxury, the most delicious of moral treats.” Many of the responses seem like people enjoying their chance to put the boot in. There are plenty of teaching staff with that brand of sadism disguised as rule-following, and it’s ironic that it’s coming out so strongly here. Hope you find your path OP, don’t let the world make you small whether or not you apply for and/or get this particular job. I’m going to mute notifications for the thread as I’m finding it painful, hope it’s not getting you down too much whatever you decide to do.

Peacendkindness · 25/09/2023 20:37

PrincessHoneysuckle · 25/09/2023 17:06

Criminal record of any kind means no employment at the school i work at

This. I work in an indie school and just nothing absolutely nothing on your record.

Having been in an extremely abusive childhood and relationship I can absolutely see why someone could get in a toxic relationship. However the harassment etc is against your abuser committed by you - but the legality says otherwise - it says you harassed them - they stepped away and you didn’t. I wouldn’t - and neither would my school ever appoint someone with any sort of assault, abuse, harassment or theft.

jolaylasofia · 25/09/2023 20:41

no you need an enhanced disclosure to work with children so you would not get pat that stage

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/09/2023 20:43

There's also the point that, with a record like this, one of the potential parents will probably find out and before you know where you are it'll be all over the school with letters to the HT and god knows what else

I don't imagine that would be a pleasant situation for you, OP, so for your own sake if nothing else it's probably worth giving this idea a swerve

Comtesse · 25/09/2023 20:50

You would not be wasting their time by going to the interview. It might not work for sure, but if you withdraw then you definitely won’t get the job. I would be honest and give it a go.

Hadebough · 25/09/2023 20:56

OP if it has been 9 years already, the. In two years they should be filtered (won't show up) from your criminal record. If you really are keen and they say no, maybe look into taking some TA/ sen qualifications over the next two years then apply somewhere else for a similar job once the offences should be filtered.

nobodysdaughternow · 25/09/2023 21:01

Your record demonstrates that you have, at times, failed to safeguard your own children. Working with any child, especially those who are disabled, means you need to be 100% reliable, physically and emotionally.

You have repeatedly put yourself and your dc in dangerous situations and as such, working around vulnerable children would be a risk.