I apologize in advance if this is long.
He’s 14 and has been completely out of control recently. The year’s not even over and he’s already gotten a girl pregnant, drinks a lot and skips school frequently, gambles online and hangs out with a bad crowd. By bad crowd, I don’t mean criminals or thugs, but slackers/potheads. They don’t go around causing trouble, but they do skip school to go drinking in parks, play around on bikes and stuff like that.
It's actually shocking how much he’s changed since becoming a teenager. He was a very shy little boy, very well-mannered and kept to himself but seemed happy enough with his own company and hobbies, like painting, cartoons, riding his bike, playing with the family pets. He didn’t have any friends (aside from a neighbourhood boy who turned against him randomly) but he didn’t seem to mind spending time alone. He used to get bullied a lot by neighbourhood kids so became withdrawn by age 11 because he couldn’t even go outside because the kids would throws things at him, pick on him. Before the bullying he was rather outdoorsy and liked to climb trees, rollerblade, stuff like that.
Anyway, from age 11 to 13, he was basically a recluse and only left the house to go to school. He spent most of his time in his room playing video games and watching TV or reading. My sister says he seemed fed up and anxious during these years and would always complain he didn’t want to go to school, but she forced him to go every day. She used to let him skip every now and then if he really didn’t feel like going in, but the principal had to call her into to the office to talk about his absences, so after that she got stricter about school.
According to my sister, something changed when he turned 14. He was always small for his age, but after turning 14 he had a growth spurt and had a “glow up” basically. She says she notices girls looking at him a lot now that he’s good looking, like when they go somewhere in public. He’s still pretty shy, so he doesn’t ask out girls or seek dates. However, last month, my sister got a nasty shock when she found out he had a secret girlfriend all summer, who was pregnant. Thankfully she had an abortion, but her parents were absolutely furious about the situation and came over to the house to scream at my sister about how much of a lowlife, cold-hearted user her son is. They said my nephew talked their daughter into having an abortion and that he dumped her via text afterwards and wouldn’t even call/text to see if she was alright. The girl, who lives across the street so she’s hard to avoid, is apparently devastated and humiliated and feels like she’s been used for sex.
My nephew claims the girlfriend is the one who pressured him into sex, even when she knew she wasn’t taking her pill correctly. That she told him not to bother with condoms because she’s allergic to latex. I feel like he’s a real idiot because he thought “the pullout method” would be enough. He says he never really liked her that much, but she kept following him around, so he decided to hang out with her. He really seems to not know much about birth control/sex education, and my sister is very awkward about topics like that and trusts he can just find stuff out online. He admitted to having sex with a different girl too when he was drunk, but he says that doesn’t count either because he didn’t like her. My sister’s husband, the stepdad, is absolutely useless too, so he makes no effort to educate or discipline.
Speaking of drinking, he’s not an alcoholic, but when he meets up with his friends, he drinks like a fish and has gotten into so many mishaps because of drinking. He binges on the weekends and some evenings. He fell asleep drunk on the beach during the summer and woke up badly sunburnt. Last month, he fell drunk into a neighbour’s garden and slept there until the neighbour came out angry and threatened to call police, then my sister’s husband had to drag him home. He even rode his bike drunk and crashed into ditch and sprained his wrist. He’s frequently been too hungover to go to school.
As for the gambling, he does it online. He’s no fool and knows he won’t be able to withdraw money if he’s underage because these accounts require ID to verify, so he sighed up for the online account using his mom’s name. I don’t know where he got the money to play. He’s been gambling all year but didn’t tell my sister until he actually wanted to withdraw the money, because he needed her to give her passport for verification because the account was in her name. She was angry when she found out he was using her name, but quickly forgave him because he had won £12,000 and she wanted that money for a new kitchen and a holiday. My nephew was upset that his winnings were being spent on a kitchen and a holiday, but he let my sister keep the 10k and he got to keep 2k.
Sorry this is long, but I’m worried about my nephew because I feel like it’s only a matter of time before he does something that completely ruins his life. He’s way too young to be having casual sex, drinking, gambling, hangovers. I feel like he’s on a bad path. However, my sister and her husband are useless. They get embarrassed by his drunken behaviour if a neighbour complains about it or if they get a call from school about his attendance, but they don’t seem to actually care about the trouble he’s getting into because they feel like it’s a phase. I’m not trying to be nosey, but sex and drinking leads to lifelong trouble. He’s damn lucky that girl, who is a year older, had an abortion, but it’s only a matter of time before he messes up again with some other girl because he is a good-looking boy.
I feel like I should call social services or somebody like a social worker, just to give my sister a scare. I feel like she won’t wake up and discipline him unless authorities get involved. However, I don’t want to make trouble either and I don’t want her to know I’m the one who reported the situation. She will probably guess it was me because she tells me all her problems all the time, that’s how I know all this.
Despite his bad behaviour recently, he’s still a pretty nice kid (helpful, doesn’t curse, nice to animals, good manners, still a bit shy) To look at him, you wouldn’t think he’s getting up to all this drinking and sex. I know he’s a teenager and they experiment and stuff, but surely his behaviour is too extreme to be healthy?
What would you do?