Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not updating DD's dad for 24 hours

23 replies

KittyKat8597 · 25/09/2023 11:46

I co-parent with my ex (using the term 'co-parent' very loosely!) and we have a 1 year old DD.

DD has been ill recently so I took her to the doctors where I was told she had a chest infection and needed a course of antibiotics. I text ex after the doctors to let him know about the chest infection and he thanked me for letting him know.

I then spent the next 24 hours caring for a screaming one year old who was having constant coughing fits and refusing to be put down. She also woke up at 2:30am very unsettled, and didn't go back to sleep until 7am.

I then woke up to a text message from my ex calling me "fucking disrespectful" for not texting/calling him to update him on how DD was doing. Admittedly, he completely slipped my mind as I was so caught up looking after DD, but it's not as if he had text or called me either. I told him that if he was that concerned about DD, he could have contacted me for an update, but he said that it's my "duty as a co-parent" to update him on these things and that he went to bed "waiting for an update", which I think is completely ridiculous since all he had to do was call me.

When I argued that I'm exhausted and calling him slipped my mind, he said if I want his help, I can take her to his house (over an hour away) meaning he wants me to put my sick child in the car and drive an hour on the motorway to get to him. He can't possibly drive to us since he has "car issues". I said I won't be taking her.

Could someone tell me if I'm being unreasonable? He has a way of making me feel like I am being unreasonable and often calls me a bad mum.

OP posts:
Freezingcoldinseptember · 25/09/2023 11:48

He is a cunt.. Hope that clarifies things for you.

Americano75 · 25/09/2023 11:48

Freezingcoldinseptember · 25/09/2023 11:48

He is a cunt.. Hope that clarifies things for you.

Ditto.

Cowlover89 · 25/09/2023 11:49

Yep he's a cunt

Maray1967 · 25/09/2023 11:50

He is totally out of order. Call him out on his ridiculous suggestion that you drive her for her hour when she is ill. He is an idiot, simple as that.

Chestnutz · 25/09/2023 11:51

He’s an idiot. He could have just asked.

aSofaNearYou · 25/09/2023 11:51

He could have just messaged you and asked how she was. He's a twat who's looking for drama.

GingerIsBest · 25/09/2023 11:51

YANBU. It's pretty classic behaviour from emotionally abusive men.

CwmYoy · 25/09/2023 11:52

cunt

Slothlikemum · 25/09/2023 11:53

Freezingcoldinseptember · 25/09/2023 11:48

He is a cunt.. Hope that clarifies things for you.

All that needs to be said.

You know of he'd texted a quick 'how is DD doing?' You'd have replied. But he didn't. Jog on shithead.

Freezingcoldinseptember · 25/09/2023 11:53

Imo update him once a week. And accept you aren't Co parenting op. You can't with such a man as much as you may want to. And your dd isn't a pizza to deliver when he requests. He needs to get his car fixed to see her.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/09/2023 11:53

Agree with others that he’s a cunt

MariaVT65 · 25/09/2023 11:56

Yep agree with everyone else that he’s a dickhead. Any other normal person would text you asking how your DD is doing.

Nonplusultra · 25/09/2023 11:57

Try not to get drawn in to this., but I do sympathise because these amateur dramatics must be exhausting! I’m imagining him sat there in bed, so overwhelmed with concern that he can’t remember how to use a phone.

Don’t debate with twats like this. My granny used to say never argue with a fool because people won’t know the difference.

Accept that there is no iteration of the universe where he will think you’re a good mum. And stop wasting time on him. His opinion should be filed as “irrelevant”.

Darkmode2 · 25/09/2023 12:13

I just had a flip through my copy of the book 'duties as a co-parent' and yes it's there on page 24, you are clearly unreasonable for not updating him!

I'm going to echo the cunt posts!

AnnieKayTee · 25/09/2023 12:14

Freezingcoldinseptember · 25/09/2023 11:48

He is a cunt.. Hope that clarifies things for you.

🙌🏾 100%
Continue as you were and don't give it another thought.

jeaux90 · 25/09/2023 13:17

Entitled prick, like updating him is a priority!! If he wanted to know he could have asked.

Useful reminder of why you ditched him.

BoohooWoohoo · 25/09/2023 13:20

Yanbu
He should have sent a gentle enquiry text as it's easy to forget to send an update when you're probably spent the last 24h dozing on and off.

He's a massive dick and I would suggest not telling him next time.

endofthelinefinally · 25/09/2023 13:25

If he was a decent man/co parent he would have asked what he could do to help, for example get shopping or medicine and drop it off to you. Take over looking after his child for a few hours so you can rest. He didn't so he isn't.

AnonAnonandAriston · 25/09/2023 14:23

If he was that interested he would have asked, he's just happy to be able to use it as a stick to beat you with

AnonAnonandAriston · 25/09/2023 14:25

Oh and if he continues to be unreasonable/swear at you etc, consider moving communications to a co-parenting app

caban · 25/09/2023 14:26

If he'd actually cared he would have text or called to ask for an update.
He was just picking a fight.

Sapphire387 · 25/09/2023 15:24

I wonder if his car is really broken. I have my doubts. Does he really have no other way of travelling if he is that concerned? Train? Bus? A lift from someone? Taxi?

YANBU, and I hope your daughter feels better soon. x

TiredButDancing · 25/09/2023 15:31

I bet you could list 50 other times he has behaved in a similarly irrational way and/or accused YOU of being bad/mean/selfish as even though it was his actions that caused the problem.

Probably more than 50.

He's a twat. clearly. Try not to let him get in your head.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page