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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Returning from business trip.

32 replies

stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 09:29

Sorry to post about something so personal. (Sex topic warning). Just wondering if others would find it strange if your DH hadn't shown an interest in sex for close to a week after returning from a business trip he'd been on for three weeks? He's been tired, I get that, so I just accept he has fallen asleep early the last four nights. I'm not bothered about the sex but am now feeling a bit put out because he's decided to take himself to his sporting activity, which will mean he's not up for it another day at least. He has the energy for that but doesn't have an interest in reunion sex? AIBU to feel a bit rejected here?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 25/09/2023 10:26

I’d wonder if he’s had an STI test and waiting for the results. Is your relationship ok otherwise ?

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 25/09/2023 10:27

Have you tried asking him?

I don't think a sporting hobby and sex are comparable though

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 10:28

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 25/09/2023 10:27

Have you tried asking him?

I don't think a sporting hobby and sex are comparable though

When he participates in this sport he gets the droop so sex isn't an option on days he does that. It's a known thing as it's very high impact sport.

OP posts:
Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 10:29

DustyLee123 · 25/09/2023 10:26

I’d wonder if he’s had an STI test and waiting for the results. Is your relationship ok otherwise ?

I'm not worried about that and he has been tired in the evenings. It's that he knows it won't happen now whether he's got the energy or not. I suppose that wasn't his priority for his day. We're otherwise okay.

OP posts:
Lochroy · 25/09/2023 10:30

How often do you normally have sex?

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 10:30

Lochroy · 25/09/2023 10:30

How often do you normally have sex?

Maybe 3 times a month.

OP posts:
Lochroy · 25/09/2023 10:31

God that sounds so crude seeing it written down, sorry, I just think it's relevant as to whether this is fairly normal timing or not. Are your expectations unusually higher because he's been away?

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 10:32

Lochroy · 25/09/2023 10:31

God that sounds so crude seeing it written down, sorry, I just think it's relevant as to whether this is fairly normal timing or not. Are your expectations unusually higher because he's been away?

It's normal for us to have reunion sex, so to speak. Maybe not the first couple of nights because he's tired, which I understand.

I think he might be a bit stressed in general, so maybe that's it?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 10:33

I’d probably be pretty knackered after a 3 week business trip. Can’t you just ask him?

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 10:35

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 10:33

I’d probably be pretty knackered after a 3 week business trip. Can’t you just ask him?

I haven't because I think he's a bit stressed, so don't want to add t it because he'll feel criticised if I ask, no matter how nicely.

I was just feeling a bit rejected because he took it off the table by his actions. I thought when he got his energy back, he might be interested in reconnecting. I'm probably just being a bit sensitive and it means nothing. I just wondered if others would feel similarly or if I'm off base really.

OP posts:
McIntire · 25/09/2023 10:36

Jet lag is a bugger.
It’s not like you have loads of sex anyway.

I’m interested in which sport causes that problem.
Obviously not golf 😂

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 10:36

McIntire · 25/09/2023 10:36

Jet lag is a bugger.
It’s not like you have loads of sex anyway.

I’m interested in which sport causes that problem.
Obviously not golf 😂

He runs marathon distances. It's a known thing that can happen. Lowers testosterone, or something like that.

OP posts:
McIntire · 25/09/2023 10:44

If he’s not been able to run or exercise whilst he’s been away I can see why he would be keen to get back to that tbh

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 10:46

McIntire · 25/09/2023 10:44

If he’s not been able to run or exercise whilst he’s been away I can see why he would be keen to get back to that tbh

He ran while away. He always does.

Never mind, I'm over it. It'll resume when we get around to it.

OP posts:
Sueveneers · 25/09/2023 11:19

Away on a business trip. And doesn't want sex after being away (3 week business trip? What business would require him being away for 3 weeks? Especially with zoom - 3 days I can understand) for three weeks? Hmmmmm

Sorry OP, but I'd be wondering if it really was a 'business trip', and regardless, what (or rather who) he was doing on those 3 weeks.

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 11:20

Sueveneers · Today 11:19

Away on a business trip. And doesn't want sex after being away (3 week business trip? What business would require him being away for 3 weeks? Especially with zoom - 3 days I can understand) for three weeks? Hmmmmm

Sorry OP, but I'd be wondering if it really was a 'business trip', and regardless, what (or rather who) he was doing on those 3 weeks.”

There’s always one.

HJ40 · 25/09/2023 11:21

Sueveneers · 25/09/2023 11:19

Away on a business trip. And doesn't want sex after being away (3 week business trip? What business would require him being away for 3 weeks? Especially with zoom - 3 days I can understand) for three weeks? Hmmmmm

Sorry OP, but I'd be wondering if it really was a 'business trip', and regardless, what (or rather who) he was doing on those 3 weeks.

ODFOD. Plenty of industries require lengthy and entirely legitimate trips. Not everyone works at a computer.

Sueveneers · 25/09/2023 11:23

HJ40 · 25/09/2023 11:21

ODFOD. Plenty of industries require lengthy and entirely legitimate trips. Not everyone works at a computer.

Show quote history

For 3 weeks? I doubt it. Maybe in the 1970s. But not these days. You might be naive, but not all of us are. so DFOD yourself.

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 11:24

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 11:20

Sueveneers · Today 11:19

Away on a business trip. And doesn't want sex after being away (3 week business trip? What business would require him being away for 3 weeks? Especially with zoom - 3 days I can understand) for three weeks? Hmmmmm

Sorry OP, but I'd be wondering if it really was a 'business trip', and regardless, what (or rather who) he was doing on those 3 weeks.”

There’s always one.

I know why it was three weeks and I know where he was and what he was doing. This is not my concern. I'm also not concerned he had jet lag and didn't want it immediately. I'm just puzzled he had the energy to go sporting and prioritised that.

OP posts:
Madamwahselle · 25/09/2023 11:24

Maybe he's waiting for you to initiate it? You said yourself you aren't bothered so maybe he's picked up on those vibes

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 11:27

Madamwahselle · 25/09/2023 11:24

Maybe he's waiting for you to initiate it? You said yourself you aren't bothered so maybe he's picked up on those vibes

I suppose I'm bothered a little, or there wouldn't be this thread. I haven't been concerned up till he decided he had the energy for his sport as he has been struggling to stay awake evenings. I would have initiated but I don't think he'd have been able to keep his eyes open.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 11:29

Wasn’t me suggesting he was up to anything dubious. Sorry, should have bolded what I was commenting on.
I think he was just tired.

McIntire · 25/09/2023 11:30

Sueveneers · 25/09/2023 11:23

For 3 weeks? I doubt it. Maybe in the 1970s. But not these days. You might be naive, but not all of us are. so DFOD yourself.

Show quote history

I would rather be naive than ignorant.

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 11:31

Sueveneers · 25/09/2023 11:23

For 3 weeks? I doubt it. Maybe in the 1970s. But not these days. You might be naive, but not all of us are. so DFOD yourself.

Show quote history

It's usually 5-7 days tops. There was a special reason for it to be three weeks this time and it makes sense. It's as simple as delayed business after reduced Covid period travel and catching up. Now that this one has been completed, it should be back to the regular schedule.

OP posts:
ButWhatAboutTheBees · 25/09/2023 11:33

Sueveneers · 25/09/2023 11:19

Away on a business trip. And doesn't want sex after being away (3 week business trip? What business would require him being away for 3 weeks? Especially with zoom - 3 days I can understand) for three weeks? Hmmmmm

Sorry OP, but I'd be wondering if it really was a 'business trip', and regardless, what (or rather who) he was doing on those 3 weeks.

Do you always make massive leaps to the worst case scenario?

OP made no indication she thought it was anything else other than a business trip and had been clear that this is normal.

Business trips can last more than 3 days. Not everyone is Zoom obsessed, there is still place for in face. Plus site visits, large conferences, if its a trade it might be a long job...

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