Should I keep contacting her?

[Jennybeans401]

I have a friend who I was close to for years, my 2 dds were her dds close friends.

A year ago, my friend had started mixing with a new group of people and seemed to change. She had Covid conspiracy theories, was mixing with a group taking light recreational drugs (not crack or heroin) and she seemed to be different around those people than she was with me. She also kept cancelling plans and letting my dcs down. I was also going through bereavement which made it harder.

I got annoyed with her cancelling and made a comment about not arranging anything more with her. Unfortunately this triggered a type of rage and she sent several nasty messages to me and stopped my dds attending the tennis group they loved (she was the leader of the group).

I ceased contact with her after this. My dds have mourned the loss of their friends over this time and have begged me to reconcile. I have explained to them that she treated me badly but they both don't understand. To try to cut this story shorter, I bumped into this ex friend recently at an activity and she apologised. I accepted the apology and thought we'd moved on.

My dcs were so happy. They mentioned that her dds didn't speak to them when we'd bumped into them but I didn't think much of it. My dcs have begged me to meet up with them. I have now tried arranging a meet up with them several times. We are back to my friend delaying, cancelling or making excuses not to meet up.

My dcs have again been very upset and disappointed by it all. They are questioning if there's something wrong with them and I've reassured them it's not that. Would you come out and ask this person what's going on or just leave this now?

It's called small talk. She was on the spot because she wasn't expecting to see you, so she had to say something but wasn't planning on actually doing it. Honestly, this is the point you need to walk away. Your kids will find other friends. Just stop engaging the conversation when they bring it up and let it tail off. This is not a friend, you've already made that mistake once. Don't let your children make the same mistake of growing up settling for people that aren't real friends. This is your chance to help DD with her uncertainty by making a definite decision to end this charade.

Yes, I think I was thinking of the friend I once knew. She's no longer that person.

Her apology in person seemed heartfelt and she hugged me. Since then she's clearly shown it was all false.

I wouldn't blame yourself for believing her apology.We all want to give people a second chance but she doesn't deserve it. I'd focus on the nice people around you and build better connections with them.

It's brought back all the feelings I had last year when this happened. Had a bit of a cry, think it's just one thing on top of another and trying to care for my kids alone is hard.

I wouldn't treat another human being the way she's treated us.

You are not friends. Leave her and her kids alone and find another friend.

If you really want to try meeting up for your kids, just tell her where you’ll be and if she can make it she can make it, but don’t tell the kids until she’s there. For example, organise an outing to somewhere you want to go anyway and then if she shows up it’s a mega surprise but if she doesn’t it’s still a great time had by all, and the kids are none the wiser they’ve missed anything.

@Playhookie thanks yes good idea, it's doubtful she'd turn up but at least the kids won't be disappointed.

I was over this when we had no contact, I'd moved on. Think it would have been easier if we hadn't seen each other. I tend to take people at face value and believe what they say.