“I need a grown up”

[JadeMoss]

Hi

My son is 4 and very clingy. If he’s playing in the garden and I leave to do something in the house he will come running in saying he wants a grown up. If we take him to playground or soft play he will refuse to go without a grown up right by him even though I reassure him I am watching him from close by and not going to leave. He’s been at nursery(since a young age) and now in school. I really don’t know where this comes from and surely separation anxiety should have passed by this stage. He isn’t able to articulate why he feels this need. I do sometimes wonder if it’s anxieties relating to being outside when a wasp flew into his ear and also being pushed by an older kid in the playground.
Did anyone else have a child like this and how do you tell them it’s ok to be without a grown up right next to you?

Might just be a phase brought on since starting school?

At soft play and in the garden it’s probably that he just wants to play with SOMEONE rather than by himself.

I'd go with it for now, keep being positive and encouraging - when he feels safe enough he'll stop I'm sure.

Yes this too, he might just not want to be alone or might want someone to play with him.

He has a sister who is 3 so he’s never really alone and they play well together. She will just follow him around.
It’s been going on for a while. At nursery he was the only one who wouldn’t join in the soft play at parties

Maybe school have been covering how important it is to stay close to a grown up - preparing them for school trips etc.. He has maybe taken it to heart!

Start small. If he is going to go outside, and you turn to go in and get some dishes done, tell him he needs to swing on his swing first (or insert any other fun task here) before he comes inside. If he completes the task, really up the praise on what a big boy he is and how great it was that he's getting bigger and able to do things on his own now. At soft play, when you turn to go sit down, if he says anything, you tell him you will come back in exactly 2 minutes to check on him. You know he is such a big boy to play by himself while you go make a phone call/use the bathroom/get a book to read. And again, if he accomplishes this, big praise.

I'd also ask the school if there is any of this going on there that they notice or if it is just with you.

That’s totally normal though, plenty of kids don’t want to join in at that age. Just go with it, he won’t be little for long. Build up those gaps slowly by saying ‘I’m finishing my drink, you go ahead and il be there in one minute’ and slowly take longer and longer.

Yes makes sense to praise and small acts of independence but unfortunately whenever I try to encourage him he refuses and starts crying. Nursery have never mentioned any issues like this over the years.

It'll come. And it'll come faster if you meet his needs now. That's how you build confidence. "I need a grown up" "I know you do-I'm right here." Keep doing that for a while and soon he'll stop needing you so much.

@CurlewKate I feel like I’ve been trying for a very long time :(
“I’m right here” is always met with “No I need you there” followed by crying and a tantrum and he has the stamina to keep going. We have been to many parties where for the whole hour he refuses to join in. This has been going on for about a year and a half now.