I am one of four siblings, all four of us had children around the same time (4 in the same year, one from each of us). Sadly, 3 months after my DS was born my Dad suddenly passed away.
We all live local to my mum and all asked independently if she could have our kid one day a week when Mat leave was over. Whilst a good distraction for her at first, it became evident not too long into her doing 4 days a week childcare that it was a lot. I recognised this, my husband and I decided to pick an extra day up at the nursery and asked her to do every other week for our son, and my in-laws and her would do it on rotation (my in-laws also found once a week during the height of nursery sickness too much - it felt like a good arrangement for all involved).
Anyway, my in-laws go to Portugal for long stretches of time (12 weeks a year). Before they go away, they want to pick up additional days to look after our son as they want to spend as much time as possible with him. They asked if they could pick up a Wednesday that my mum was originally meant to do, I said I would ask if she minded. She said she didn’t mind, but I met her today and she was very cross that our in-laws had even asked. She said she likes to see our son just as much as they do. I immediately felt bad.
Our unique situation is: my mum has 4 kids and 6 grandkids - all local, all of whom she loves and likes to see evenly, understandably. My Husband is an only child. My in-laws coming to see my son is basically their entire social life, we feel guilty when we don’t see them as they ‘only have us’ and they’ve helped us out a lot financially as they have the means to do so. Whatever I seem to do I can’t get it right. I try to take the burden off my mum and it doesn’t go down well, it seems to be misinterpreted as favouring/prioritising them. I don’t know what to do?
Also, AIBU that sometimes making time to see grandparents on weekends can become a bit much? I feel guilty for saying it but sometimes I just want to spend time with my husband and son. Both of us work full time, weekends are precious and whilst it’s lovely to see grandparents, for every time we see my in laws I feel like I need to make up a day with my mum. Just looking for advice or similar stories really and how you navigate the balance between grandparents?