Power of attorney and weight issues

[Hellostrawberries]

I just got involved in a big heated debate. I'm pretty certain I'm right but no one agreed with me which drove me mad as a person's bodily autonomy was at stake. Sorry it's a long one.

My parents live in a retirement block. All residents have their own flat and there are carers for people who need it. There's a restaurant on site. One woman who lives there, will call her Sally, is 75 and great fun. She's sociable and chatty and has a great sense of humour. She has dementia and tends to hold onto information for around 10 minutes. So if you make a reference to an earlier conversation she'll have forgotten it. She has a daughter who lives abroad and visits a couple of times a year. The daughter has power of attorney.

Now Sally, like lots of us, likes her food. She's overweight but not excessively so and has no weight related health problems. From looking at her I'd say she was a size 16 or 18. Apparently her daughter came to visit last week and was shocked at how much weight her mother had put on. So she spoke to all the staff and literally demanded that she be put on an enforced diet, so she mustn't be served any desserts, biscuits or cake.

To clarify, this is not a care home. Sally has her own money and a bank account. A carer takes her shopping and Sally eats her meals either from the food in her flat, which a carer helps her to prepare. Or she orders and pays for a meal in the on site restaurant. Biscuits are offered free of charge twice a week at a coffee morning. Sally's daughter has said that her mother must be told she's not allowed to take one! She's also spoken to the restaurant staff and said that her mum can't order desserts.

It's irritated the hell out of me seeing someone treated like this. Because she has dementia and her daughter has LPA, everyone's acting like there's no choice but to comply with the demands. But being a bit fat isn't a situation where power of attorney kicks in. This is literally one adult, having a preference for another adult losing weight. And so instructing everyone around them to withhold food. And that isn't a thing.

Totally agree. This woman should be free to eat what she likes.

The care manager (I am assuming it's an Extra Care facility) can raise a safeguarding against the daughter for emotional abuse of her mother who won't understand why she can't have a biscuit due to her dementia. The staff can encourage Sally to move more as it will be beneficial to her overall health, but nobody can deny her food. If the GP were to put her on a diet for health reasons then that's different.

All decisions by the attorney must be made in the best interests of the patient. So you could argue having a biscuit makes her happy and therefore is in her best interest.

I have POA (the full one, whatever that entails!) for my Dad. He's sharp as a tack, but physically very dependent (Parkinson's). I buy him sweets and chocolates weekly, his cupboard is always stocked up with chocolates (he can't manage his evening meal some days, because he's been munching chocolates!). He's of very slim build, but even if he wasn't I'd still buy him choccies, because he loves them.
Maybe this lady's daughter feels guilt at seeing her Mum so infrequently, and this is a way of 'demonstrating' that she cares 🤷‍♀️
Regardless, I hope staff ignore her and don't deprive this lady of her treats, bless her.

Yep this is allowed.

health and welfare power of attorney allows the power of attorney to decide what they eat and even what clothes they are dressed in.

if she has dementia and as you said she cant without information for more than ten minutes then clearly she does not have mental capacity hence why her daughter is acting on a legal document that her mum would of agrees to when she had capacity.

i agree that i would not personally deprive my mum of a few treats in her old age however if she had a legal document showing she can act on behalf of her mum then the staff have to listen.

I agree with you, my nana is in a home and has dementia and she’s put on a bit of weight but we don’t care cuz she is well looked after and loves her chocolate! She’s not obese just a bit more portly since being there. It’s the last few years of her life and I just think eating nice tasty food is what she deserves.