Aibu with regards to ex and new baby

[singlemumhelp]

I did post this thread under a different topic but doesn't seem to have many responses so trying on this section.

Aibu

I feel like a massive bitch but I can't help it and want to know if I am being irrational. So my ex partner was a stay at home dad and upped and left before lockdown. He had his vasectomy reversed and is now having a baby with this girl, they live with her mym and dad. He has two other kids who live a couple hours away; both now o autism list as is our son. Anyways I never realised the extent of his lies of not having his kids etc until after he left.

So he ha claiming this pregnancy is a bad pregnancy they are always in hospital etc. but I struggle with caring as one I don't know how genuine it all is but also he has 3 born children who need help and support and he can't take time off for them but and important appointments but he can for the unborn baby. He's now cancelled his weekend to have him as she's being induced the Tuesday.. but my argument is I had a c section the Tuesday and then had his kids and mum come down. So he should be able to. Then the following weekend he's due to have him he can't confirm he will have him either as more 'depends on baby' but he has kids who need their routine. He's switched jobs and not paid mainteamvw, then lies he earns no money but I went on his income tax account and see he had
It was just another lie to not pay us. He is already not paying her dad rent and falling behind with that etc. I am seriously considering that once he cancels he re next few weekends he cannot have access to our son unless he gets a court order and goes through that because I am
Sick and tired of him letting him down and me
Dealing with our son bwcquse he doesn't understand. I have been ringing for help to deal with meltdowns ans our son as I am
At breaking point and he doesn't every reply or help or claims he's at hospital
With the unborn baby: am I being unfair

You're not a massive bitch at all. You're a tired parent with no help.
So he has 2 kids, then another with you and now one on the way?

It must be really annoying and irksome that he is treating his existing kids like this and I bet he did the same to his first two when he had the one with you.

However if his partner is in hospital I would cut him some slack. If that is a lie then that's pretty despicable too

You're not being unfair. He is a shit dad.

1. cms for the maintenance money.
2. Contact with him via email, always confirming when he cancels
3. He sticks to schedule or goes to court.

likelihood is he wont care about contact as it is hard work.

@Spirallingdownwards his other two live a few hours away but I use to make sure we had them every other weekend and school holidays, went to as many appointments etc as we could: made sure she got mainteamvw etc xx

@Zooeyzo yes.: he has the snipe as was adamant no more kids. Then gets it reversed. All on the nhs and now does nothing for his original 3 kids:::

He is just playing at being a df isn't he? That poor sap must know he will be moving on soon. Sadly you can't rely on him to add much to your dc's lives... Claim cms which will be a token amount I imagine spread between all his dc.. Stop ringing him. It's only your own head you are doing in...

Are you sure he even had a vasectomy? Rarely reversed on nhs

Yes I went with him to have his vasectomy done.. and then the test to check he was cleared to being
Sterile xx

As you’re worn out and need a break I don’t see how stopping contact will help. You won’t be dealing with the uncertainty of him cancelling but you might be playing into hands. He’ll be able to tell everyone you stopped contact while he was in hospital with his pregnant partner and he’ll be off the hook.

It sounds like he maintained a relationship with his older children because of the efforts you put in. If he was a rubbish dad to them you can’t rely on his current partner to do the same for your son, especially if she’s having a difficult pregnancy. And she may or may not be, you probably have no way of knowing and it’s not really relevant. You put up with how he was with his other kids and had a baby with him anyway, now she’s doing the same. He must have considerable charms.

If you want your son to keep seeing him you’ll have to accept him being flakey and useless, it sounds like that’s who he is tbh. If you don’t then stop contact but if he doesn’t take you to court that might be that and your son loses a relationship with his father and his half siblings and you can’t call him for help with meltdowns. No easy answers so pick the least crap one.

I note you say that it was You that made this happen. That should have been a clue to the man he was.

He sounds like a waste of space.

He should be seeing your son the weekend before and after the baby - he can easily take him out, so as not to put pressure on his partner.

He’ll doubtless move on from this woman too.

Go after him for the money

Tell him in writing he needs to stick to a schedule or there is a risk access will be withdrawn as it’s distressing for your son.

Keep your expectations low. He’s not likely to change.