To think accidents happen and no-one will be concerned about this?

[ArmBrokenFromBikeFall]

Yesterday DD (aged 9) fell off her bike while outside playing with her cousin and friends. She’s unfortunately broken her arm.

I saw her fall from my kitchen window and ran out to her, at the same time her cousin ran to get Ex-PIL whose house he was at for the day so that’s how ExH found out – they live on the next street over, cousin is slightly older and allowed further from their house than DD is from ours.

I took DD to hospital when I realised it was more than a graze and ExH turned up at the hospital.

DD is fine, a bit sore but is looking forward to getting a coloured cast later in the week. She loved having an xray and has a certificate with a big shiny sticker on it saying how brave she was. It was a simple break in general terms, no surgery needed or anything.

ExH has since text me saying he’s going to have a chat with DDs headteacher as “accidents keep happening” – I am the RP, ExH sees DD EOWend for 1 night so statistically the accidents are more likely to happen with me. This is only the 2nd time since I left ExH that DD has needed hospital treatment for an injury due to an accident – the first time she was 3 had just started walking and tripped up my front step and fell onto the grass at the side, she had a bumped head and she spent the night in hospital but no treatment was given other than pain relief.

For context DD has SN and a medical issue (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome) which makes accidents and injuries more likely. She does fall over a lot and often has grazed elbows or knees or hands. No-one has ever expressed concern for it, she’s sometimes come out of school saying her teacher asked her why she has a plaster on her knee but otherwise it’s never been raised. When she was in the Infants Section of school (YR-Y2) she was constantly coming home with bump slips. Even at the hospital yesterday they didn’t say they where concerned, they asked DD how she did it exactly and she told them and the doctor just said “Shall we make that arm super strong so it doesn’t break when you fall off next time?” it’s just part of her.

But I am slightly worried. ExH was abusive to both of us (that’s why we split) and has always told me what a rubbish parent I am and that I’m lazy including for letting her play outside.

So AIBU to tell myself accidents happen and that her HT won’t care?

You have absolutely nothing to worry about, especially as your DD has a documented condition making accidentally more likely. If your ex contacts SS and they investigate, it will be clear it’s malicious.

And my DS, with no ED, came home with an average of 3 to 4 bump notes a week in Foundation and Year 1. He and his best friend were very fond of the volunteer who did first aid and used to bump heads to get to go and be fussed over by her!

Of course YANBU, of course accidents happen, it's just a power play by your ex who is being a tosser.

Ds in week 2 of Year 3 happily waving his red form….

”I think that I have had more head bump letters than anyone else in the entire school!”
Me:- “That is not something to be proud of!”

Look - you know your ex likes to say and do things to make you feel bad about yourself. This is just him being his usual abusive self.

It's the kind of bullying tactic my abusive exH does. My advice is to remain calm and factual about the accident. Do not express any emotion to your ex as that is what he is aiming for. If he's anything like mine he will thrive on making you upset and fearful. Don't give him the satisfaction.

I'm sure the headteacher will realise that your ex is talking bollocks and that it was a normal accident that happens to kids everyday. 💐

She fell off her bike, you went out straight away. Even without a medical condition such as EDS this happens to kids. HT won't care, you sought appropriate medical treatment without delay by taking her to A&E. They will see straight through his malicious power play and they will have that in mind if he raises any issues in future.

Nobody will bat an eyelid unless they're already concerned about neglect. Expect him to escalate to social services when the Head dsnt automatically agree with him that you're not protecting her though. My friend works for women's aid and says it's the most common way exes try to maintain control post break up

School will listen to your ex and then agree he is a class A prat and do nothing else. They will ask your dd what happened and that will be the end of it (they won’t ask formally - but would ask any child why they are injured!).

Keep all communications with him as he is trying to continue his abuse from a distance. Let him approach school and then you can give your account once they talk to you and explain that there is a pattern of emotional abuse towards you so it can go on record.

What an absolute tool! You sound very sensible and DD sounds great! Hope she mends quickly.

She fell off her bike whilst with a friend. Hardly your fault! I'd just let him do what he feels he wants to do if it makes him feel better or getting one over or whatever he is trying to do.

ExH has since text me saying he’s going to have a chat with DDs headteacher as “accidents keep happening”

I would text back

Ex husband

You are well within your rights to have a conversation with the head teacher about dc accidents, if you'd like me to come along please let me know the date and time. As you know the accident didn't happen at school on this occasion, and also you are aware that the syndrome that dc has will mean that falls and slips are much more likely. As a parenting picking up from school, whilst in reception until year 1 the teachers were for this very reason getting me to sign bump slips for dc. You maybe better talking to the family gp for more information about this syndrome and the accidents its likely to cause. Hope this helps.

He can talk to the headmaster, the Queen of Sheba, and anyone else he wants to chat to. You are not responsible for your child falling off her bike, and nobody is going to care about him trying to kick up a stink about it, beyond thinking “I see why she left you, you prick”.

Exactly what @Saschka said

Falling off a bike and injuring yourself is a right of passage as a child I think?!

My dc are often injuring themselves, they are kids and throw themselves into life, the ground, play equipment, walls, other children. I’m sure I read somewhere that it’s part of learning risk assessment / gross motor skills.

We would all like to protect our children but it needs to be done appropriately. For me it’s the equivalent of putting a baby in a baby walker, it’ll stop the risk of head bumps but overall it’s bad for their development. You could keep your child indoors, school could keep her in at breaks and reduce accidents but it wouldn’t be best for her.

My DS has been to A&E 3 times in the last 6 months! 1 x cut head and 2 x broken arm (same place broke again as not healed). He wasn't with me for any of them, 1 at school and 2 at different holiday clubs but they were a bit funny about it at the hospital on the 3rd visit although seemed happy with his explanations. I guess they just need to do their job.

Doesn't even sound like your daughter is regularly injured though, they all get odd scrapes etc.