Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would people judge and/or bully a person, if they found out they have never dated?

30 replies

MySundayMightBeRainy · 24/09/2023 14:11

Or had ’intimate relations’?

I don’t know if people actually know, but surely they must have picked up on things and sometimes I do think they are making subtle and not-so-subtle remarks.

OP posts:
gwenneh · 24/09/2023 14:13

Honestly? No one is investing that level of thought into you. The only person picking things apart at that level is you; for the most part, people are thinking about what's going on with themselves first and you second.

BananaSlug · 24/09/2023 14:16

I’m not going to pretend I don’t find it unusual but why would anyone judge or bully them?

tescocreditcard · 24/09/2023 14:16

Yes I would. I'd punch seven bells of shit out of someone if I knew they'd never dated.

SoRainbowRhythms · 24/09/2023 14:18

I'd slag someone for saying "intimate relations", but not the other stuff.

Paynefully · 24/09/2023 14:18

I’ve never really given it a second thought.
I’m not sure I’d really care.. I might be slightly nosey though. I’d probably ask why in hopefully not a rude way 😂

GreyCarpet · 24/09/2023 14:18

gwenneh · 24/09/2023 14:13

Honestly? No one is investing that level of thought into you. The only person picking things apart at that level is you; for the most part, people are thinking about what's going on with themselves first and you second.

Yep this.

I, quite honestly, don't give any thought to other people's sex lives.

Azaeleasinbloom · 24/09/2023 14:20

Why would it be any of my business? Sounds like this is happening to you, or you perceive that it is.
I am sorry if that is the case. The bullies are dicks.

Legomania · 24/09/2023 14:20

Depending on the person's age I might think it a bit odd, and possibly draw my own conclusions about neurodiversity, but being an adult, of course I wouldn't pass comment on it.

PosterBoy · 24/09/2023 14:20

Yes, they might. It wouldn't be nice of them but some people aren't very nice.

LonlinessPandemix · 24/09/2023 14:21

Can I suggest getting off the internet and getting outside and among people a bit more if you are concerned about other people's sex lives to this extent.

Thesearmsofmine · 24/09/2023 14:23

I’d find it unusual but I would really invest any more thought or judgement about them tbh.

Original poster
MySundayMightBeRainy · 24/09/2023 14:40

LonlinessPandemix · 24/09/2023 14:21

Can I suggest getting off the internet and getting outside and among people a bit more if you are concerned about other people's sex lives to this extent.

No, it’s not me doing the thinking!

And funny enough, I just spend the weekend among people, wasn’t great time and their behaviour made me think that it is (still in these times) seen as weird and something to judge people about.

OP posts:
fishfingersandtoes · 24/09/2023 14:45

I'd assume they were asexual or very very shy or repressed. I might briefly wonder about them, but I wouldn't bully. I suppose the wondering involves some sort of judgement.
I know a woman who is like this. She's quite masculine, so when I first met her (in the early 2000s) I presumed she was a lesbian who wasn't comfortable with being 'out' around everyone. I now assume she's asexual. It makes no odds to me of course.

Original poster
MySundayMightBeRainy · 24/09/2023 14:50

But isin’t that kind of still seeing there is ’something wrong’ if you have to put labels or diagnoses on other people?

Wouldn’t it be more open-minded just to tale them as is?
And not assume everyone does/wants relationship/sex, and that’s what makes them ’normal’ and ’acceptable’?

OP posts:
Someoneonlyyouknow · 24/09/2023 14:59

I might think it unusual but not weird and would try not to judge. I don't think someone else's romantic/sex life is anything to do with me unless I hope to feature. Anyone who bullies, for any reason, is wrong.

I know some elderly people who have (so far as I am aware) never dated. Some younger but not so many

helpfulperson · 24/09/2023 15:04

I wouldn't think anything of it but then I'm in my 50s and haven't had 'intimate relationships ' since I was 21. I also have many friends of the same age who as far as know have either never or not for a long time. They certainly haven't had a boyfriend/girlfriend although I wouldn't know if they had had FWB. It's much more common than you think and not a sign of being ND or repressed or even asexual.

Itick8outof10boxes · 24/09/2023 15:07

Sex isn't a big deal for many people, who cares what others are doing anyway?

Kerantli · 24/09/2023 15:18

My initial reaction would be to ask "Oh? why?", then give it no further thought if I got an answer or not as it's essentially none of my business

XenoBitch · 25/09/2023 01:46

No, not at all. One of my closest friends is in her 40s and is a virgin. Never been interested in sex or relationships. She is happy, and that is all that matters. She is NT, if that means much. It is almost always assumed that someone has to be ND to be a late bloomer (or not bloom at all).

Catsmere · 25/09/2023 02:31

MySundayMightBeRainy · 24/09/2023 14:50

But isin’t that kind of still seeing there is ’something wrong’ if you have to put labels or diagnoses on other people?

Wouldn’t it be more open-minded just to tale them as is?
And not assume everyone does/wants relationship/sex, and that’s what makes them ’normal’ and ’acceptable’?

Yes, I'd give someone a right bollocking if they suggested I was shy or asexual. I simply had no interest in any man I ever met, nor any desire to go looking for one (and since I'm heterosexual, women weren't in the picture). Closest I've had to bullying (and it wasn't close at all) is the nonsensical remarks "You've only seen the worst of men" - yeah right, If I'd seen the worst of men I wouldn't be alive to talk about it, would I? - and years earlier, "But don't you want babieeeees" from some idiot. 🙄

DisquietintheRanks · 25/09/2023 06:54

I'd wonder why the fuck they'd told me.

NalafromtheLionKing · 25/09/2023 07:00

tescocreditcard · 24/09/2023 14:16

Yes I would. I'd punch seven bells of shit out of someone if I knew they'd never dated.

😁 wouldn’t we all?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 25/09/2023 07:12

I wouldn't think anything of it. Once your past your twenties the whole newness of sex and relationships has passed and you don't think about it so much anymore. I have friends who (as far as I'm aware) have never dated or had sex. It's none of my business, doesn't make me view them differently in the slightest. Some people are arse holes though, maybe you're just mixing with the wrong people.

PonyPatter44 · 25/09/2023 07:20

Do you regularly have these conversations with "friends ", or is it just something that came up at the weekend and you're pondering on it?

If its something that your friends bring up frequently, then they are idiots. It's really none of their business, if you are happy with your life.

LemonQuiche · 25/09/2023 07:29

It wouldn’t even cross my mind. I take people as they come. I don’t spend my time worrying about their romantic and/or sex life or lack of one.

Swipe left for the next trending thread