To not want to be part of this conversation

[Homehomehomealone]

I am visiting my parents for a few days as I live a bit of a distance.

My mum always drags me into their relationship problems but I've had enough.

I was sitting in the living room with them both when my dad got a text message from 'Jenny', an acquaintance he made through his hobby. He told mum how Jenny said she'd like to meet up with Dad and Mum, as their paths have all crossed before and they had seemed to get on well (nothing weird, just coffee!).

Mum doesn't like Jenny and thinks my dad runs around after her a bit too much for her liking.

I wish I could stay out of it. They bickered back and forth then mum said to me 'Home, do you think your dad should be texting Jenny arranging meet ups like this!'

To be honest, I'd had enough and said 'Listen guys, I'm staying out of this'. I left the room and went to 'my' bedroom. About 5 minutes later, my mum came into my room, clearly furious, and said 'I just want to tell you that the way you stormed off mid conversation was incredibly rude and disrespectful to us!'.

I felt very shocked and didn't want a fight, so just said 'umm, ok?'. She left the room. I'm going through a lot of things, stuff she doesn't know about as I prefer to keep my business private from her, and am already feeling very sensitive and vulnerable.

Aibu to not want to be part of her issues with my dad? I'm sick of her moaning about him to me and constantly telling me things!

@MarsandMercury urgh yes, same here. I remember the excitement in my mum's voice when she said as a result of her diet, dad said she had her sexy legs back. Yuck. She also asked me if I lost my virginity when i spent the first night at a new boyfriend's house when I was 18. Didn't seem weird at the time. Horrific to me now!

@MarsandMercury totally relate to that. My mum gets annoyed that I don't tell her anything but I get such a horrible feeling when I do tell her things. It's like she wanted me to tell her but doesn't care what it is: as long as I've told her she isn't bothered.

Thank you for the tip about the Instagram poster. I have looked into parentification in the past as I had a lot of mental health problems in the past. When I looked into it I realised that's why. The further I get from my childhood, the more strange I realise it was. All the secrets. It was awful.

In saying that, my parents are good people, just very naive and struggling in their own way. Looking back, I think my mum is neurodiverse and it makes a lot of sense. I also think that her emotional maturity was stunted due to her own upbringing. Even my therapist said that she had a lot of great qualities.

But using your child as a therapist isn't one of them.

The argument I remember most clearly is when my parents stood between the beds of me and my brother debating which of us was at fault for some misdemeanour and should be smacked!

I watched my DD's face crumple when my Mum said: "You want grandpa to come out on a walk don't you?" after Dad had said he did not wish to. No - you do not do that to my DD!!! - it made me shiver and my heart sink with unhappy memories.

We need to be so careful what we do to our children - it is not just cruelty and neglect that cut deep.