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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed my boyfriend keeps getting texts off his ex?

7 replies

Putitinthefuckitbucketpls · 24/09/2023 11:46

They’ve been broken up for 5 years. No kids. They only dated for less than a year. He has spoken about her quite a bit, nothing truly negative happened, I think they just split because they were young/he didn’t want to be in a relationship at the time (from what he’s said).

Weve been together a few months, but we’re friends before that for a few years. He’s very independent but is lovely when we spend time together.

He gets notifications on his Apple Watch and I’ve seen her name pop up a few times. I asked about it and he showed me - a message saying “hello, sorry to get in touch out of the blue, I’ve got a couple of books yoj left here, do you want them back?” and then a few days later “I can send in the post if you want, let me know either way”.

He told me they’d spent time together last year, met up quite a lot to do their shared interest together. I think she stopped speaking to him from what I remember. Even before we got together he said there was nothing between them anymore.

I didn’t think much of it and then the other night I saw him he said “oh (ex) has just unblocked me on Facebook and Instagram” …

when I said that it was strange he shrugged his shoulders. He won’t stop contact with her so no point asking.

aibu to think this kinda friendship is not okay?? I think she’s fishing for more contact and I’m gonna be pushed away

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 24/09/2023 11:49

I wouldn't bother with him anymore. She's too close for comfort.

Also I don't believe they broke up 5 years ago and that nothing happened when they met up to do their shared interest last year. No-one just starts texting about books after 5 years.

In my opinion, the main issue is, you don't like them being in touch but you think he won't break contact with her if you asked. So, he doesn't care about you as much as he professes.

Putitinthefuckitbucketpls · 24/09/2023 11:56

I don’t think he’s “in contact” with her now, but I don’t understand why she would text about books that have been at her place since the breakup?? Surely she knows he doesn’t want them

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 24/09/2023 12:02

But those are just very business like texts. Occasional superficial texts don’t seem to be red flag material

Lahdedahiam · 24/09/2023 12:07

Because she did message, that's why! It's not like she's asking to meet up! I'd be furious if my DH was unhappy with a simple question like that? It's also out of the blue, so not like they're in contact often.

Lahdedahiam · 24/09/2023 12:07

Dacadactyl · 24/09/2023 11:49

I wouldn't bother with him anymore. She's too close for comfort.

Also I don't believe they broke up 5 years ago and that nothing happened when they met up to do their shared interest last year. No-one just starts texting about books after 5 years.

In my opinion, the main issue is, you don't like them being in touch but you think he won't break contact with her if you asked. So, he doesn't care about you as much as he professes.

Or he's able to maintain a platonic friendship with an ex.

theduchessofspork · 24/09/2023 12:09

They don’t sound like anything to me. I wouldn’t worry about it.

Catopia · 24/09/2023 15:07

I see no issue with this. I'm still good friends with one ex, he's now married and I'm in a LT relationship. We weren't compatible in what we saw for our lives, but the mutual interests and respect that we shared still exist. I also met up with his sister when I was in the country where she lives.

As for the books, I think it's all contextual. Maybe she was just have a clear out/packing to move/doing a charity shop run and needed a decision to be made on them. I had a different ex email out of the blue asking for some specific stuff he'd left at my parents' house 5 YEARS after we had separated. (That's another story... took great pleasure in using the opportunity to purge quite a lot of other c* that he had left there but not asked for...).

At this point I don't think you have anything to worry about.

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