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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My birthday, first date… and stood up!

22 replies

TheSheerAudacity · 24/09/2023 10:45

NC for this one as I’m laughing about it because I don’t want to cry. AIBU to feel jaded with online dating and think it’s all a waste of time?

Earlier this week it was my birthday (mid-50s). I’ve been on dating sites for a while now and generally meet nice people and I’ve several friends who have met lovely partners in this way, but I’ve not found a romantic spark.

I started messaging with this guy last week who then suggested talking on the phone. When I went mentioned it was my birthday the next day, he insisted I was not to spend it alone (despite I was quite happy to have a quiet one for a change). So we agreed to meet up at a local pub. I got myself ‘dolled up” and bravely walked in the pub alone. I couldn’t see anyone who I thought might be him so I text him to say I was there. No response.

At one point a chap walked in, and I was unsure if it was him so I smiled, and he gave me a strange look and then went and sat with another couple 😂.

I bought myself a coke, and then text again, asking if he was near. I sat there for half an hour, on my own, on my birthday, until I gave up and went back home.

When I got home, he was then online for 25 minutes before finally reading my two messages, replying that he was sorry, and he’d come home from work and fallen asleep. I didn’t reply and haven’t heard from him since.

No second chances from me for this chap as I don’t care what his excuse is, and I sense I can smell a rat! But please cheer me up with any stories you have of being stood up whilst I try and work out how to meet someone nice who does deserve my time and attention; and keep me smiling in the meantime.

OP posts:
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 24/09/2023 10:48

Meh.

Trash took itself out.

Sounds like you had a lucky escape.

ReflectionofYouChanges · 24/09/2023 10:56

Happy birthday !

No second chance

Move on, you deserve better

Changingplace · 24/09/2023 10:58

What a loser, you had a lucky escape, happy birthday xx

GigiAnnna · 24/09/2023 11:01

Sorry this happened to you, definitely no second chances. Worst case scenario he had no intention of showing up and got off on it, best case, he couldn't be arsed and has no respect for your time. Neither deserves anymore of your care and attention.

Elmo230885 · 24/09/2023 11:04

Happy Birthday x

Def no second chances, as had been posted up thread, it's nice when the trash takes its self out.

sonjadog · 24/09/2023 13:34

What a jerk! I suppose at least you didn't waste any time on him before discovering out what he is like, but on your birthday was especially shit.

Cinnamope · 24/09/2023 13:35

Happy birthday, what a pig I hope karma gets him in the end.

nottheopbutmaybe · 24/09/2023 13:39

What a horrible thing to do to someone. I'm glad you didn't reply.

Onwards now!

Summerhillsquare · 24/09/2023 14:09

Birthday 🎂 and 💐

You sound amazing!

Nanny0gg · 24/09/2023 14:20

Be grateful

A friend went out to dinner with someone from online (second or third date)
He went to the loo before pudding and buggered off leaving her the bill!

Summer2424 · 24/09/2023 14:34

Hi @TheSheerAudacity
Awww no, that's so out of order of him! Happy belated birthday 💐💖
I started on the dating apps in my 40's, i literally swiped on Tinder day and night! It was like having a part time job! Eventually i did get there and found my now husband. It's hard work and i had crappy days but when you do meet the one it'll be worth it xx

CoffeeCantata · 24/09/2023 14:51

That is horrible, OP. As pps have said...take heart that you've dodged a bullet.

Happy Birthday! Please draw a line under it and resolve to have an un-birthday (or Official Birthday, like the monarch) on another day (preferably sunny) and make a date with a friend to have lunch or afternoon tea.

You are too good for this type of low-life, so don't lose any sleep over it.

LadyMargaretDevereux · 24/09/2023 15:03

Oh wow, they still use that 'fell asleep by mistake' excuse do they? Takes me back, that one does...

Oysterbabe · 24/09/2023 15:04

What an absolute cunt, leaving someone sat alone in a bar on their birthday. I hope karma comes for him.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 24/09/2023 15:08

Happy birthday! He's a twat and you've dodged a bullet.

I had a 'no second chances' rule. I never stood anyone up, it's rude and I'm not interested in rude people.

gingangirly · 24/09/2023 15:13

Totally outing, but I arranged a date from OLD and arranged to meet in a town centre car park prior to going to pub.

I was there, by my car and a guy walks up 'you gingangirly?'
'Yes'
'I haven't got any change for the machine, could you lend me a quid?'
I thought it was a bit cheeky but handed one over and he set off back to his big, flash car.
Then got in and drove off! I was like WTF??
I don't look like the back of a bus, my OLD photo was realistic, so god knows why he shot off!

TBH it does make me laugh when I think about it, and genuinely wonder what he was thinking. And how to get my quid back!!

Rabbitcar · 24/09/2023 15:18

No second chance for him.

But you should give yourself a second chance for a nice birthday. Book a restaurant for tonight or next Sat - if you like going out by yourself, I do!

What an idiot. Sorry, OP, you deserve so much better. Flowers

TheSheerAudacity · 24/09/2023 20:45

Thank you everyone. I did treat myself the next evening - went to the local theatre (alone but who cares) and really enjoyed it.
No second chance policy seems the right way to go!

OP posts:
TheSheerAudacity · 24/09/2023 20:47

Gingandgirly sorry but this made me laugh. Wonder how many times he’s tried that and it worked….

OP posts:
Noclothestowear · 24/09/2023 20:49

@gingangirly that's bizarre!! It did give me a giggle though

Happyasapiginmuck1 · 25/02/2024 01:25

Been stood up a few times! It's blumming annoying but it's their loss! I did go on a date with one bloke then he couldn't remember how to return a message and removed his profile straight after. So I started searching for the perfect man again and back he pops up with a different name and the same profile! 😂😂 I did send him a quick message about the lucky escape I'd had before blocking him!!

Treehuggingmutherfunkin · 25/02/2024 01:39

Dodged a bullet what a loser

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