I've known my friend for 7 years, during that time we have become super close we message daily and try to see eachother once a week if we can but that doesn't always happen.
Our children and partners get on well and her extended family often invite us along to their gatherings to be with them all, which we really appreciate as our family live away.
Last year my partner said he thought my friend had a spending problem and noticed she seemed different, he even said "is she having an affair?" Not knowing everything that I do.
I laughed it off and defended her, but deep down I know there is an issue.
My friend is slightly older than me and she is really struggling with perimenapause which I am trying my best to really support her with. She can get quite aggressive and angry (not at me), she knows it's an issue and she has tried to speak to her GP about it.
Her behaviour really changed last year and she shocked me when she told me she had been messaging an older wealthy ex lover and had been for years, her spending even then was frankly out of control. I suspected she was having an affair then possibly, as she purchased alot of underwear, perfumes, and really upped her appearance, this was not for her husbands benefit.
Her husband asked her a few months ago if she was cheating, as she claimed she needed to stay away in a hotels for work but it just didn't add up with everything else. So it seems I'm not the only one wondering.
Little things like going to a cheap little shop to grab a few bits, she just can't control herself, she will then message me saying she's in the red and they have no money. Then the next day shes booked holidays and outings to pay off, and shes off to the shops to buy more clothes and toys for the kids.
There are definitely issues in her marriage, I know she is very unhappy, I've tried to focus on her happiness and health and be supportive, making it clear that starting an affair isn't a good idea although again deep down I think she has been having an affair and is keeping it from me, also based on messages and trips to a very specific area where this person lives at least twice a month.
When we go out for a coffee which I've really tried to cut back on, her card gets declined and she laughs it off and I pay.
She always pays me back a week or so after, but I just feel things are way out of control. I love her dearly and we talk about everything and anything, but I've never called her out on her spending and this possible affair, I'm terrified to because I don't have concrete evidence.
She is a good person, I just think she's struggling mentally and making the wrong choices.
What would you do?