In a bad mood for no reason?

[CenturyCoconut]

Went for a brunch with DP and friends yesterday. Was a singing type brunch for a friends birthday.

The minute we got there DP was moody, giving me one word answers and saying it “wasn’t his thing”. We went to the toilet and I said I know him, that he’s not being himself and asked if he was ok. He said he felt “weird” and down but for no reason at all. I maybe shouldn’t have done this but I pried and asked him again as there must be a reason. I asked if it was me and assumed it probably was because we’d had a disagreement the day before, but he said it wasn’t. He just “didn’t know”.

I offered comfort and to sit with him but he said don’t bother, to get on with my day and not worry. But I do worry and didn’t want him to have a bad day. I asked him if there’s anything at all wrong and to think about what it could be, but he told me I have to leave him be. We were stood outside for 15 minutes and he said all he wanted to do was just go inside and get on with it.

Later on I was up dancing and saw he was sat on his own. I approached him and encouraged him to come and dance and he reluctantly did but just shuffled awkwardly. I kind of rolled my eyes and he stormed off, saying I “can’t just let him have a bad day” and to just leave him be. He said I ended up making the day worse by constantly asking. I then said I wasn’t in the mood to dance anymore and he then shouted at me saying “what am I supposed to do?? Just pretend?” He said I hadn’t listened to his feelings at all and hadn’t done what he needs (as in leave him be and get on with the day).

yeah I probably asked too many times and didn’t drop it very quickly but all I was doing was caring and didn’t want him on his own. He said if I cared, I would’ve just done what he asked.

AIBU to think he was nasty?

You probably should have just left him alone after the first few times of asking if he was ok. I know it is easier said than done, especially if you have an anxious attachment type.
Maybe learn from this time and apply next time it happens. He was probably just retreating into himself to ‘cope’. And would have seen you as ‘nagging’.

Sorry, I do think it sounds like badgering to be honest. I know it comes from a place of caring, but it would drive a lot of people nuts.
when I’m down I just want to be left alone to come out of it. You were poking him multiple times and then get upset when he snaps.
How long have you been together? It took my partner a couple of years before he learnt to just leave me alone if I’m sad or down. That silence is what I need.
He doesn’t need you to fix a problem just to give him space. YABU.

Yes, YABU. Sometimes people don't know why they are feeling down, they just do.

It's very annoying being nagged for an answer when you don't have one.

If it happens again just tell him you are there if he needs you and go on with your day.

AIBU to think he was nasty?

Doesn't sound like he was nasty. It wasn't about you, and you weren't listening to him clearly telling you what he needed.
If someone asks to be left alone, maybe try leaving them alone 🤷‍♀️

You're obviously very caring

I have grumpy days and my DH will try to help
I tell him many times to just leave me to it, but the nearest he gets to that is offering suggestions of things that might cheer me up

It doesn't help, it's exasperating

Honestly OP, another time, give him a hug and leave him to it

I think you were a bit over bearing and forcing him to dance then rolling your eyes was probably the last straw.

You should have left him alone.

Actually he sounds jealous. That the brunch or company wasn't his thing but instead of putting on a brave face he spoiled it for you. We've all been to social events where we feel like the odd one out but his behaviour was quite selfish and childlike in my opinion. I think I'd be rolling my eyes too. Perhaps you need to have an honest talk about your feelings and get to the bottom of it.

he then shouted at me saying “what am I supposed to do?? Just pretend?”

Yes. While out at the event, he should just pretend and not make it obvious he’s miserable. It was a ‘brunch’ type thing - putting on a pretence for sociability’s sake for a couple of hours and then having some time alone later is what most people would do.

It sounds like he was making it obvious that he was grumpy - like a sulky child. But it does also sound like you kept asking and gave his sulk far more attention than it deserved.

Whose friends was it? Yours? He was probably trying to go along with it but regretted his decision as genuinely not his thing. He told you that in the first instance but for some reason you couldn't accept that....!

Maybe he doesn't want to spend his free time with your mates!

It’s not ok to sit there like a grumpy teenager just because you don’t want to be out with your partner’s friends.

He does sound like he was being miserable. However there's nothing worse than feeling in a bad mood and someone keep badgering you asking what's wrong, and then he made the effort to get up and dance and you rolled your eyes at him!

He does sound like he was being miserable. However there's nothing worse than feeling in a bad mood and someone keep badgering you asking what's wrong, and then he made the effort to get up and dance and you rolled your eyes at him!

People are allowed to have bad days. It happens. You tried to make it about you when he had made it clear he simply wanted to be left alone for a bit.

What on earth is a singing brunch?

I think he should have taken himself home. Who wants to attend a social do with their partner sitting there like a moody teenager who's eventually going to shout at you and totally ruin the day out.

Is he like this often?