To feel as though I have no sense of identity?

[Susanamay]

I am mixed race with one black Caribbean parent and one white parent also from the Caribbean (who would not consider themselves white but has white skin). Although I am mixed race I have lighter skin than most mixed race people - black people will always tell me I’m white passing or they thought I was white British but white people always ask me where I’m ‘really from’ or tell me about how ‘exotic’ I look. My own family used to make jokes about my skin and calling me ‘white girl’ so I have grown to become very insecure about my skin colour and how to identify myself and just feel very lost. Due to both my parents being from the same Caribbean country, I grew up with a different culture to most white British people, however sometimes from peoples comments I feel like I’m too light to say I’m mixed race (even though I know my skin doesn’t determine this, I just feel uncomfortable due to some people’s reaction to this which I know shouldn’t affect me, but it does).
AIBU in feeling this way? I feel really lost as to who I am and I feel like it really affects my confidence in many situations. How can I overcome this?

I think it might help you to connect with others in a similar situation. Maybe this thread will help with that or you might meet people later down the line who have experienced something similar.

Sorry that you have had to deal with a lot of crappy comments. That’s rubbish, you shouldn’t have had to deal with that.

It might also help to focus on hobbies you enjoy that really make you feel like your authentic self.

You should be able to identify as you see yourself. It’s not up to others to say how they see you.

Did you know that the mixed race community is the fastest growing race in the world? Maybe consider seeking out podcasts & groups that concentrate on mixed race people and you may not feel too lost because there are bound to be other people who can identify with you - being of mixed heritage with lighter skin. You are not alone.
Family can be the worst - making fun of things they aren't supposed to so you may have to just ignore them even though it may hurt.
Your confidence will come from your sense of self. Rationalise that the world is not only full of Black and White people, but many other races in between including mixed race. Take a leaf out of certain people of the LGBTQI community. Define what you are to yourself and stick to it. If others can't accept that, it doesn't matter because all that matters is how you feel about yourself. Listen to intelligent people who are considerate of you not ignorant people who wish to make fun of you. You can't control others - you can only control yourself - i.e. how you feel about yourself. Good luck.