To feel like I don’t want to see these mums anymore

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DS15 has been friends with a group of 5 other boys since he was 4. They have recently started excluding him- not inviting him to things - none of them accepted his Snapchat friend request despite being on it all the time. He’s devastated & feels so hurt by their behaviour.

I feel angry about how they have treated him- I know and accept friendships move on but it’s just bloody horrible. A couple of them have started ignoring him in school with no explanation.

I am good friends with the mums & am in a WhatsApp group with them- but I feel so angry about how their kids have treated DS. He’s been completely devastated by it and now I find i don’t want to see them either.

i don’t know what to do. Help!

I wonder, if you're good friends with the parents of the group, whether, at a face to face, you could broach the subject...along the lines of..." Ds has noticed a bit of reticence among his friendship group and was wondering if he has done anything to upset anyone, or is it just an oversight/life?

A conversation might evolve?

It may be important to understand 'WHY".

That's very upsetting for your son ☹️. Kids can be so cruel. But do the other mums even know what's going on? It seems a bit harsh to blame them until you know if they are even aware of the situation.

Though to be totally honest I would probably feel the same as you!

I think you should do as @Oneearringlost suggests. I also think you need to stop blaming parents for their children’s behaviour, or take it too personally when friendship groups evolve and shift as they tend to.

It would be unusual for a group to stay unchanged from the ages of 4 to 15.

It's very tricky when you have friendship groups between kids where the parents have a parallel friendship group. It's very natural and lovely when it works but the potential for hurt feelings to transfer from the child group to the parent group and vice versa is huge. I had a similar thing with my old friend who was god-mother to my DD (and vice versa) when our kids fell out. I was very hurt by the way her DD treated mine and it impacted my friendship with my friend -- it took several years to reset things.

I think you should, in a gentle and non-threatening way, discuss with the mum's group and get their side of it. It's only fair to hear their perspective on this. It may be that your son has upset them in a way you're not aware of. It may, on the other hand, be that they are ganging up on him, they may be aware of it, find it hard to deal with and feel guilty and reluctant to discuss is with you.

If you feel that the children are deliberately bullying your son, you need to air it with the group but be open minded about what they say. They may be completely unaware of it. If you feel that they are defensive or not really facing up to the problem, you may need to step away. It's going to be hard for you to be impartial and calm about it, given what's happening and your son would feel hurt and let down by you if you didn't acknowledge what was happening. If it's more of a grey area than this you may similarly want to step away for a bit.

But I would give them right of reply on it before you do this. And while it's tempting to give them a piece of their mind, I'd be careful not to burn boats. These things have a way of working themselves out.

It you don’t want to see them, no one is making you. That’s the great thing about being an adult. You do you.

In order to help you'll have to find out why.

There has to be a "why" for all this but in fairness I would be reluctant to speak to the Mums about it should they tell their kids to include mine more and them resenting having to do so. I think that is worse in a way.

I think trying to understand why is important before turning your back on your friendships with the other mums.

They could just be being unnecessarily cruel, but I think it's worth considering that they might have a reason why they're pushing your son out. At that age, I distanced myself from a few friends because of certain behaviours I wasn't comfortable with.

Maybe use your friendships with the other mums to do some digging? I'd approach them an open mind and without making them feel like their kids have done anything wrong and then go from there...

There will be a reason. Good or bad, I would like to know first what's happening if I can.

It's interesting you are immediately blaming the others, and blaming the parents but don't seem to have considered it could be coming from your own child.

That’s horrible for your son, teenagers can be so mean.
If you’re quite close with the mums then I’d probably chat to them and ask if any them know of a reason why your son has been excluded all of a sudden as he’s clueless and pretty upset.

Id probably find it hard to remain friends, especially if your son is upset and likely to see any of them through you and the mums meeting up. I wouldn’t call them out on it but would probably just distance myself.

I had this last year with DD's very best friend since nursery days. They were 13 and BF just dropped her and treated her extremely badly to the point of bullying.

I was so so tempted to message her mum and we had been quite social before this but I just quietly backed out, removed her from all socials and consoled myself with the knowledge that she probably knew her daughter was a complete arsehole.

DD now has a whole new and very lovely friendship group and is absolutely thriving at school. THATS the best revenge ever.

I don’t see any of the ‘mum’ friends of any of my children anymore, thank god. They all had a different set of friends now, thank god. Life is to short for friends that are forced on you because of your kids friends. He will make new friends in a year or so, and so will you! They sound like shit ‘friends ‘!

I don't think at that age you can involve the mums.

I'd just back away