To think jobs like this MUST exist??

[TherapySquirrel]

I work with children and teens with MH issues, mostly trauma related. Over the years I've worked in various settings, schools, hospitals etc. I have two DC of my own with SEND, one has just started school and that has brought lots of challenges. I also have elderly DP's and PIL's who are increasingly needing support. I used to love my work, I'm good at it, but if I'm honest I've always found it stressful. I could cope in the days when I was able to come home and actually rest but now, well I suppose if I'd known I was going to end up with two kids who would need so much support I probably would've chosen a less emotionally draining, 'peopley' line of work.

Something has to give. I feel completely burnt out. I'm lying awake in the early hours dreading going into work, and I don't want to do anything or see anyone because it takes every ounce of energy I have to get through the working day without crying in front of anyone.

DH works FT and earns well, he has suggested I need to look for a more low stress job, something I can just leave at work and not think about. I've moved from job to job, worked in different organisations but in this kind of sector the levels of stress are all the same.

I want a job where I can work from home, if not all the time most of the time. Something part time, it doesn't have to be school hours but FT just isn't doable with the DC's needs. Ideally I need to earn £20k a year or thereabouts. I've been looking and coming up against a brick wall. Even low paid PT jobs seem to want specific training or experience that I don't have, I have a degree but because my work experience is quite niche I feel like I'm trapped in my current sector. I was talking to a friend and she said what I'm looking for doesn't exist basically, is she right?

I feel so hopeless right now.

i am going to slide right in with the inevitable question: why is all of the child related stuff on you. Why can't your husband drop a day?

Where do you live? I'm in a flexible job, although we are told wfh is a privilege and not a right, so we are well aware that it could change.
2 days in the office, the rest is wfh. Hrs are flexible and you can build up flexi time too.
Training is given, but that's full time and in the office

Why are you dealing with PIL care and not DH?

Can you be a bit more specific about the kind of work you do - there are many roles in the children's workforce that are blended WFH/office based that may be more suitable. I presume you've considered your burn out may also be at least in part from secondary trauma, do you have clinical supervision or able to access counselling.

sack off the PIL care for starters. That's on him or them to cover.

Why are you doing all the pil stuff? Your DH seems to think you are his support human and do everything.

I'd look at qualifying as a Tutor Assessor in your area. The work is mostly hybrid these days, so you can plan your work around your needs. Either working fir an Independent Training Provider or a college.

The child related stuff is not all on me, not at all. DH works FT but when he's at home he does his fair share of childcare and domestic stuff and always has. The issue is that I'm struggling to cope with the stress of my job, and its making it hard to be present for my DC as I'm always fretting about work when I'm with them and then I feel guilty.

DH can't drop a day because his role cannot be done PT, but even if he could that wouldn't change how I feel about my work.

Sooo hang on.

You and DH work ft.

You're doing all the emotional and care work for multiple DC AND parents in law too?

The solution here isn't drop your job.

Your DH needs to pull his weight.

You're exhausted and no wonder!

You've been pushing everyone else uphill by yourself!

Are there opportunities to move into the policy side of your work. So it would be where you have experience and less front facing?

I would look at progression as in my experience that is what has given me flexibility.

I'm not doing all the PIL stuff. I've obviously not been clear in my OP, DH and I both help out both sets of parents and he does his fair share with the kids when he's not at work. The issue is I find it hard to juggle these things with work as I can't switch off, DH is the sort of person who thrives on stress and pressure so it doesn't bother him. That's not because he's leaving it all to me, he's definitely not.

Just a few random suggestions… Would a transition to a less stressful school role work? Pastoral care or similar? It wouldn’t be work from home but could be less stressful.

Or counselling students but online? Or employee engagement/well-being role so drawing on your past experience but for adults.

or for a complete change, something in the civil service? They have a career match tool: https://www.civil-service-careers.gov.uk/career-matcher/

Temporarily change sectors, you can always go back to your one when it is less stressful.

Plenty of jobs in the civil service or their arms length bodies that are flexible and just as you describe. I WFH fully flexi, I can work anytime (allowing for business demands) between 7am - 7pm, I can start as late as 10am, take up to 2 hours for lunch. Can do the school run / go for appointments as long as its in my calendar so people don't book meetings in that slot etc.

Previously I was a teacher but ASD DD struggled with the transition to secondary so had to change sectors to have more flexibility.

Grade 3 in my organisation is £25k and where lots of the admin, PA and non technical roles sit. Entry level - no specific experience required
Grade 4: is £29k and requires more technical knowledge

I haven't said I'm doing all of the emotional care at all. I'm just doing my share of it, but the problem is that my job is stressful and emotionally draining and I'm burnt out by it.

Work for your LA. Most are doing majority hybrid still and sounds like you have brilliant experience working with children I'm sure there'd be a role that suits. If you go in lower level yes they're busy roles but the responsibility will lie elsewhere so you can do your job and not worry outside of work.

You have a wealth of experience in a niche, healthcare area - have you looked at PhD opportunities to move into research?

This way you will be making a difference but not in a way that is draining you emotionally. It's also fairly flexible, hours wise, most universities are all over flexible working and Athena Swann etc.

20 years ago I had a stipend of £16k a year to do my PhD, which is tax free so feels like more and you can top it up with tutoring (which is £25ph).

Are there transferable skills gained from your degree that mean you could tutor online from home? I do this, part time, term-time only, on similar salary to what you need.

Our local authority is wfh. Have you looked at council jobs?

Or otherwise nhs admin- a lot of your skills would be relevant for patient contact etc you just have to reword it in a way that is relevant.

I completely get it. I had to step away from my career for burn out reasons. Some people won't get this and suggest more of the same but its valid to need to step away.

Wouldn't I need a Masters to do a PHD? I would love to do something like this. I really enjoyed my degree and I've always thought I'd like to do further study, I looked into doing an MSC a while back but realised there was no way I could combine it with work.

@Peanutlicious wow 20k from part time tutoring from home?! What subject? Is it mainly afterschool hours (tricky here due to noisy small house)

I do Adult ed tutoring now. Much slower pace but I really do earn peanuts 😬.

Or a move into OT (I wish I'd done OT sometimes) or into Ed psych training (they pay you while you train and its a doctorate) or teaching counsellors (adult ed. Peanuts but nice.)

It’s a totally different area but I run a business and I employ five women in our office who do office admin, order inputting, answering queries, ringing customers to sort out issues, it’s just a normal office job. We pay our full time women £21k (this is in Staffordshire) and we have two part time women with childcare responsibilities. They don’t work from home but they could do if they really wanted to.

We pay our Account Manager £30k and she has more responsibilities in terms of booking in site visits, following these up, cross selling products etc but it’s not a technical role, you just have to be friendly and learn our products.

Oh and my main point which I then forgot to say was, I’m sure when they leave the office they don’t give work another thought until the next day and I wouldn’t expect them to!

What qualifications do you have in your current work - that will in some ways direct your next steps.

It's tempting to look at lower skilled work, but often this can be more inflexible and you would be less in control.

I'm saying this as someone who left a lead role that became impossible right at the time I was also juggling teens, elderly parents, work travel & the menopause.

I took a low skilled job and started enjoyed interactions with people once again. I was also delighted to leave work at the door. But I realised the role wasn't for me in the long run. The annual leave was lower, there was no flexibility around working hours and the pay was close to min wage. What I would say is it was a good pause to help me get me head back together.

Ultimately, I went back to a senior role but I was much pickier about what I went for and made sure the whole package, as in the role, hours and flexibility worked for me.

I get how tempting it is to escape, but I wonder if a sideways move in your existing sector would be a better option?