Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Private tutors would this bother you?

29 replies

ClippyClopp · 23/09/2023 08:32

I’ve recently taken on a new student, we had agreed the slot was 4:30-5.

Parent then contacted me to say 4:30 was difficult for them and asked to change to 4-4:30. I agreed.

Ever since they arrive 5-10 minutes early. I realise they are coming straight from school as that’s easier for them.

Parent drives off but still returns at 4:30. I realise it’s only 5-10 minutes but I don’t get home until 3:45 and really want those 15 minutes to have a cuppa, eat an apple etc.

Last time they came they rang my door bell at 3:51, I purposely took a couple of minutes to answer, hoping they would realise they were early and get the message when I did my surprised face at the door. (Parent could see me from the car).

I feel a bit petty as I know it’s probably not a big deal, but it’s annoying me as I said I no longer have that 15 minutes to myself and I feel parent is maybe taking the piss?

it’s on a day I work through lunch to be able to get home earlier so it’s annoying me more!

If I message the parent to say it’s 4pm start not 3:50 / 3:55 I think that just makes me look petty? Not sure what to do?

OP posts:
WrylyAmused · 23/09/2023 10:29

I don't get why so many people's first instinct is to make up a lie.

The truth is fine. "I get home at 3:45, I need that time to settle and set up, please don't arrive before your booked time, which is at 4."

Just think how much easier everyone's lives could get, cumulatively, if we all took tiny steps to clearer, more honest communication over getting caught up in the "kind" or "face-saving" or whatever lies, which often aren't.

Shinyandnew1 · 23/09/2023 10:30

WrylyAmused · 23/09/2023 10:29

I don't get why so many people's first instinct is to make up a lie.

The truth is fine. "I get home at 3:45, I need that time to settle and set up, please don't arrive before your booked time, which is at 4."

Just think how much easier everyone's lives could get, cumulatively, if we all took tiny steps to clearer, more honest communication over getting caught up in the "kind" or "face-saving" or whatever lies, which often aren't.

This. It’s not rude. They are being rude, not you.

Original poster
ClippyClopp · 23/09/2023 11:58

Guiltridden12345 · 23/09/2023 09:11

Because unfairly, cheeky fuckerage is a bit like gaslighting - the recipient of it is made to feel guilty for quite reasonable objection.

When there is a business relationship that also involves the personal, as here, it’s a good business decision to take the path of least resistance and create what I would call a constructive lie that results in the least friction, but the same outcome.

Show quote history

Exactly- I prefer to tell the truth (politely), however in my experience there are parents who do get arsey when I point this out. It is of course their problem but I really don’t like any awkwardness or bad feeling especially when I’m working with children, it’s not their fault their parents are CF’s. It is sometimes more constructive just to tell a white lie such as I’m working online until 4

OP posts:
MasterBeth · 23/09/2023 12:30

WrylyAmused · 23/09/2023 10:29

I don't get why so many people's first instinct is to make up a lie.

The truth is fine. "I get home at 3:45, I need that time to settle and set up, please don't arrive before your booked time, which is at 4."

Just think how much easier everyone's lives could get, cumulatively, if we all took tiny steps to clearer, more honest communication over getting caught up in the "kind" or "face-saving" or whatever lies, which often aren't.

Yes, why is so many people's first thought to tell a lie rather than a perfectly reasonable truth?!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread